


you can leave it all behind

by mazereid



Category: Alex Rider (TV 2020), Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Alex Rider Needs a Hug, Found Family, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Not Beta Read, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 48,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29544057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mazereid/pseuds/mazereid
Summary: Alex Rider's life has collapsed around him, after failing all of his GCSEs and getting kicked out of school, he's stuck working for MI6, a series of bad missions leave him in a poor mental place and he attempts to take his own life. The last thing he does is send a postcard to Wolf asking him to make arrangements for his funeral.This is a story, very heavily inspired by amitai's story on fanfiction(.)net called attempt. It follows some of the same plot beats as that original fanfiction but this is my own take on that original idea.As is evident, this story will deal with heavy plot elements including suicide attempts and this is generally a rather unhappy story - though it will end on a positive note.
Relationships: Alex Rider & Wolf, K-Unit & Alex Rider
Comments: 25
Kudos: 75





	1. A Postcard From London

**Author's Note:**

> Again, this story deals with heavy subject matter, please be aware of this going in. Take care of yourself first and do not read if this subject matter would be upsetting for you. 
> 
> The story will alternate between Wolf and Alex's perspectives.

The door slammed heavily behind him, dust danced on the gust of air this caused. A heavy duffel bag dropped to the floor and the man took a long deep breath. Home. At long last he was home. Wolf was a large, tall man, well built and even without the army attire had the look of someone very clearly from the armed forces. The last mission had been long...four months of nothing..of dreary boringness. Wolf had known that this would happen going in, not all assignments were bombs, rescues and glory. Some were long, had little happen and little glory but were as necessary. The man took another deep breath of the comforting home air, glancing around at his modest London home. There was a sheer layer of dust on most things, the air felt stuffy but nothing moved or changed here. His home was his constant, his safe haven, his quiet place. His unit mates knew where he lived but he’d rarely invited them round, they didn’t tend to stay long. This was separate from all that, the two interacting was something Wolf tended to avoid now he had his own space.

Wolf grabbed his bag from the floor and tossed it carelessly on to the bed of the master bedroom. He walked around his flat, turning on the power, opening the windows in each of the rooms, opening the balcony doors, letting the water run in the kitchen and bathroom sinks. There was a process to this, one he always followed when he came back from deployment. He opened up the flat, cleaned away his things, checked the cupboards and fridges for what hadn’t lasted, then he went to the corner shop, got himself a case of beer and he ate a decent meal. Decent was a loose term, mostly it was just something more than the army rations; sometimes it was something cooked from scratch, other times it was something delivered, it didn’t matter as long as it was warm, filling and could be classed as food. 

So, like every other time, Wolf began going through these steps. To his dismay he hadn’t done a good job of emptying his fridge before he left. He frowned to himself but decided this wasn’t the worst thing to happen. He went around and turned off the taps, he changed into his civilian clothes, he grabbed a plastic garbage bag and put all the offending items inside. There weren’t many but it didn’t stop it being rather horrible, it had been four months. Wolf washed his hands thoroughly, twice over, before he grabbed everything else he’d need for this one trip out of the flat that he always took and then headed out.

The man passed his letter box as he walked out of the block of flats. He tended to wait until the next day to open it, but maybe he should today, that was the most flexible part of his routine coming home....Wolf shook his head slightly and just continued out the block of flats. He detoured to the bins and then walked to the corner shop, the closest shop where he always bought his beer. He’d get the mail on the way back and then deal with what was there tomorrow. 

The streets weren’t that busy, it was nearing lunchtime and the sun was high in the sky, it was a warm July day, he could vaguely hear children, their noises echoing through the blocks, were the schools in session? He’d long since lost touch with those milestones - school milestones. He had no siblings, no kids. There was no reason for him to know any of that, it and the noise was just background to him. 

He greeted the shop worker as he stepped into the cool store, it wasn’t the cheapest place to go to buy beer, but it was currently the closest to him. The distinct sounds of aircon blasting and the faint sounds of a quiet radio music filled the shop, it all felt painfully normal after a mission. He located the beer and the beer he wanted quickly. It was always the same one, and no matter how much they reorganised this shop, he was always able to find it. Wolf carried it to the counter and after a brief, polite exchange was able to leave, carrying the cool beer in his arms as he made the short journey back home. 

As Wolf re-entered his block of flats, he was greeted again by his letter box. Wolf was more lax with when he picked out his mail because there was never anything in there that was worth it. He got less and less mail these days with more things going paperless, but there was always quite a bit when he got back from a longer stint away. Despite thinking it a bit of a pointless thing to do he decided to gather his mail and take it upstairs anyway. It could mean that tomorrow and the few days after he could just sleep all day - he’d barely get dressed, get his fresh air by hanging out on the balcony. It would take away all reason to leave his homely flat at all. Wolf readjusted his hold on the beer, quickly opened his letterbox and took the mail from inside. It was a small pile, he’d only been gone four months, he didn’t bother to look them over just yet, just placed them on top of the beer and headed up to his home.

The man re-entered his flat, he was quick to secure the door behind him, he was on lockdown for the next few days, and went to his kitchen. He placed the mail down on the counter top and put three of the four beers into the fridge. He opened the last one and took a long sip. Wolf placed the beer down on the counter and began going through the mail. A letter from the bank, a thick letter from his insurance provider, some letter to everyone in the building about cleaning and second about the opening of some tesco express in the area, some letter from Sky trying to entice him to upgrade his package, and the last thing was a postcard. He’d first thought it would be something from a local company but it was a postcard of London, various pictures of different sights with London splashed in red letters in the center. He lived in London….there was no one he knew that would’ve sent him a postcard from London. 

Wolf frowned and turned over the postcard, the writing wasn’t one he recognised but he was immediately thrown by spotting the ‘Dear Wolf’ as the greeting. The only people who knew him as Wolf, were his unit mates, people he worked with in the military. He didn’t give that out to just anyone, it was never how he introduced himself unless at work. But as Wolf kept reading, his hands froze and he felt his heart drop. He read it once, read it twice, willing the words to change. Of course, they didn’t. 

The man rushed to his bedroom, dropping the postcard as he headed to where he’d left his civilian phone charging before he’d headed out, four months without charging, it was sure to take it’s time to load up, but he needed it now. He pulled his laptop from a nearby drawer and booted that up too. Thankfully the laptop was quicker, he pulled up a chrome session and entered a quick search before grabbing the phone, with its whole 10% battery and dialed the number he’d gotten from the computer. He could practically hear his heart beating as the phone rang. Several automated messages later and someone finally picked up the other end. 

“Erm..hi, I’m looking to see if you have an….Alex Rider?” he spoke as clearly as he could, faltering slightly as he recalled the name he’d just read. 

“Are you a family member?” Came the sharp tone on the other end, but he could hear typing, clicking. He could hear the noises of the hospital in the background.

“He’s my nephew..I’m in the army and I’ve been deployed the last few months, got an odd message on my civilian phone from him, so I’m worried,” He lied. 

The advantages of his work, even the army was that he sometimes had to come up with a story quickly. It helped that most of the story wasn’t completely false. 

“Can you hold for a moment, sir?”

Wolf nodded even though the person on the other end wouldn’t see it. He was quick to follow that with a quick yeah. There was largely silence on the other end, not even a song was playing, just an occasional beeping. This continued for only a couple of minutes before a new voice came on to the phone. 

“Sir, this would be better done in person, as soon as possible. Could you come to us and bring some ID with you too please?” The person asked. 

Wolf hesitated.

“We have a different surname, his mother is my aunt,” He lied. 

Wolf heard the person on the other end sigh heavily. It didn’t give him a lot of confidence about what could be awaiting him. 

“Come anyway,” 

Came the resigned response after a moment of silence and then they hung up. Wolf was left sitting in silence, taking deep breaths. This wasn’t what he’d expected to be doing when he’d gotten back..what if he’d been gone longer, the postcard had been dated a week ago. Alex Rider...Cub. The kid attached briefly to his unit. God. What had happened to that kid. 

Wolf shook the thoughts from his mind and he got to his feet, he searched through his army duffel and grabbed the portable phone charger, plugging his civilian phone into it as he grabbed his jacket, put his shoes back on, and after a moment toying with it grabbed the discard postcard too. It was the only evidence he had of any connection to the kid. 

‘Dear wolf, I know this is a lot to ask of you, but could you please plan my funeral? If all goes right I’ll need one, and there’s no one I trust left…’

Those opening sentences written in such careful neat handwriting spinning in his head as he flew out the door, the opened beer forgotten on the counter. 

\----

The journey to the hospital felt impossibly long, he didn’t have a car - he lived in London there was no point. But it just meant this anxious journey was spent on public transport, worrying about what might greet him when he got there. He’d never planned a funeral before, his father had died when he was young and his mother was still alive - though he hadn’t spoken to her in years. There were people who helped with that sort of thing, right? He pulled the phone out of his pocket carefully, conscious of the wire charging it, as the underground raced to its next stop. He went to the contacts and his fingers lingered over Snake’s number. Wolf was perhaps the leader, but Snake’s father had died just over a year ago, he’d know what steps were involved. He was also the medic, he would just be useful for this sort of thing. Snake was also the only person Wolf would trust with all of this at this point in time. 

Before he could make a decision about whether or not to call, his stop approached, not wanting to miss it, he put the phone away. He walked out of the tube stop and made the short walk to the hospital. Each step felt worse than the other wondering what awaited him, he couldn’t help but notice his own breathing, his own heart rate, he couldn’t help but notice the way the sun warmed his arms and face. It was a beautiful summer day. 

Wolf discarded such thoughts as he walked into the main entrance of the hospital. They hadn’t really told him where to go and it took him a moment to find the main reception area. He got in line and resisted the urge to pull out his army excuse and shove his way to the front. He greeted the receptionist quickly when it was finally his turn before he cleared his throat, finding the right words to say.

“I called like twenty minutes ago now about Alex Rider..someone told me to come,” Wolf said carefully. 

There was understanding in the receptionist’s eyes and they grabbed the phone, telling someone on the other end, that he was there and asking him to just hold on a moment. They waited in silence until a man appeared at the reception. 

“You’re the man asking about Alex,” he greeted with a hand outstretched to Wolf, “I’m Doctor Green, let’s go to my office,”

Wolf nodded as he shook the man’s hand. He resisted the urge to just bluntly and plainly ask if Cub was dead. Clearly whatever the man had to say was important and private but Wolf didn’t want to wait around. He just wanted to know what had happened. His unit hadn’t perhaps been the kindest towards the kid when he’d been unceremoniously attached to them, but Wolf had come to respect him. His actions at Point Blanc had proven him capable and he dreaded to find out the problems which had resulted in this situation. If he was dead, Wolf would certainly still mourn the kid’s life even if he hadn’t seen him in a few years. If he was dead he would honour his last wishes.

They arrived at an office in silence and Wolf was quick to take a seat. He let there be a moment of silence as the doctor sat down before he couldn’t hold his tongue any more. 

“Doctor, what is going on? Is he alive?” He asked, the questions came out more gruffly than he wanted them too, but his impatience was getting the better of him. 

“Mr….?” the doctor started.

“Just James,” Wolf was quick to say. 

“James….Alex is alive, but it’s….he certainly tried hard enough to not be,”

The doctor said with a grim and somewhat sad tone, and Wolf very visibly relaxed. The words were not lost on him, but at least the kid was alive. Wolf might not know him well, but he was glad he was alive. It would’ve been an utterly depressing return to civilization to have to plan a teenager's funeral.

“Can I just ask, what’s your relationship with him like? He’s been with us nearly a week and you’re the first person to even call about him. We tried to call social services but they kept just saying that he’s emancipated and therefore not their issue. But Alex is sixteen and even if he is emancipated, with his injuries he can’t be taking care of himself completely alone. He shouldn’t have to,” 

The doctor had a tired and tense expression. Clearly this had been a source of frustration and if Wolf was hearing correctly there was some sorrow about the situation in the man’s tone.

“We admittedly are not close..there’s an age gap. His mother, my aunt, she’s ehh...not great,” Wolf was slow and deliberate with his words. “Alex stays with me some of the time, but he is emancipated and lives alone most of the time. I just have a job that pulls me away for months at a time, so I was never a viable option as a parent or guardian,”

Wolf was careful, using all of the training he’d ever received to hold the man’s gaze, give nothing away about how false the story was. He knew he could technically leave now...with no funeral to plan it wasn’t like he needed anymore, he’d done his part, but Wolf had once been a sixteen year old kid. He remembered what it was like to be a vulnerable age, feeling alone and trying to figure himself out - his mother had never been particularly there for him emotionally but she’d at least been around to help. He couldn’t imagine what had driven Cub to try to rid himself of the world, but he couldn’t imagine it was good. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be stuck at a hospital afterwards for a week without anyone coming to visit. Wolf couldn’t just leave him alone in the world, not now he knew and was involved. He didn’t think he needed to be anything more than a friend, so that was what he could aim for. 

Wolf noted that the Doctor didn’t seem entirely sold on it, but the heavy sigh indicated that he really had no choice than to believe what Wolf was saying.

“How long have you been gone?” the doctor asked.

“Four months” came Wolf’s quick reply.

“Did you have any contact with him during that time? A text, an email, a letter even?” 

“No,” Wolf broke the gaze then, knowing how it sounded. “I said on the phone, I saw a text on my personal phone that…,” 

He didn’t finish the sentence. One hand reached into a pocket and though he didn’t pull it out he felt his fingers lightly brushed against the postcard. 

“Doctor, just what exactly happened?” Wolf asked, finally glancing back up at the man. 

“From what the police and ambulance crew say as well as from the injuries he got, it’s clear that Alex, just stepped out in front of a taxi that was moving at speed on a main road not too far from here,” 

The doctor started before launching into the laundry list of injuries. Broken right arm, dislocated right shoulder, bruised pelvis, sprained right ankle. Bruising, cuts, broken ribs. Most of the injuries were not individually serious but compounded together they were. Wolf could only imagine the world of pain the kid was currently in. 

“However, despite all of this, he should make a full recovery.” The doctor finished the sentence with a heavy sigh, Wolf there was more he wanted to say, “I am however worried about his mental state, he was….disappointed when he woke up initially. His biggest and really only outpouring of any emotions was waking up and realising he was still alive,” 

Wolf’s mind felt blank as those words registered. 

“He’s calmed down, but he needs to see a therapist. I can provide you with a list of good names, he should go see all of them, and decide from that which he likes best, but he needs to speak to someone about whatever is going on in his head. None of our on-call psychologists have been able to get anything out of him,” 

The doctor fumbled with the paper on his desk and pulled a sheet of paper out with a long list of names, numbers and locations of therapists around London. 

“But it is clear, James, that something deeply traumatic has happened to Alex, possibly several things before he decided to try to kill himself. He has scars...terrible scars, ones that could not be self inflicted. He has old poorly healed breaks, he gets nightmares, flashbacks, he hides them, but you can’t really hide much from nurses. From what I’ve been able to see, and the on call psychologist agrees, he has symptoms like those found in people with post traumatic stress disorder,” 

The man shuffled the paper and passed over a few leaflets with PTSD in their title. Wolf took them numbly. Silence enveloped them as Wolf read the titles. He folded them and with the other paper put them all in the same pocket as the postcard was in. 

“Can I see him?” Wolf asked quietly.

“Yeah, let me take him to you,” The doctor stood up, “It’ll be rough to begin with, but he’s getting better, he needs rest, he needs support and he just needs time to heal,”

They left the office, falling easily into a similar pace and went up a few floors to a ward with private rooms - perhaps Wolf thought because of the circumstances. 

“He’s in that room just on the left there, don’t wake him up if he’s asleep. A nurse will probably come through and give you some forms to fill out, get you listed as next of kin in case anything happens.” 

With that the doctor stared towards the room for a moment, sighed and then left. Barely glancing back at Wolf as he left, though he did glance towards the room.

Wolf wasn’t so sure of himself now he was alone. This whole situation was way over his head, he thought morbidly and hated himself for it, that this would’ve been easier if the kid had died. Wolf was half tempted to go to the nurses station and give his information before he saw Alex just to avoid it a little longer. But he didn’t. Instead he formed a quick plan, he was a unit leader, forming plans and actioning them was what he did. He took out his civilian phone and wrote a quick text for Snake, asking the man to call him in a couple of hours. Wolf wasn’t going to let Cub go through this alone, and Wolf wasn’t going to do that alone. That was why they had units in the SAS, to provide support and backup. This….this just was another mission no matter how atypical it was. 

With all that done, he couldn’t delay it any more, and he walked into the room the doctor had motioned to. The sight that greeted him was not particularly nice, the evidence of what had happened so plain on the teen in front of him. The bruising, the bandages, the IV. But, the boy was awake. He seemed surprised to see him before a quick look of shame crossed his features quickly and his expression seemed to then settle on anger. 

“Fuck”

The colourful language from the teen was a bit of a surprise but Wolf ignored it. He just kept silent, looking at him. Cub was older than his memory of him, clearly now sixteen, taller than he had been when Wolf had last seen him, thinner too. His face held none of the old youthfulness Wolf felt he remembered him having at either Brecon or at Point Blanc. He certainly looked physically like a teen but his hard gaze, the dark bags around his eyes, a look that was far older than his years contrasted uncomfortably to his supposed teen age. Wolf was beginning to realise the depth of the doctor's words. 

“Yeah,” 

Came Wolf’s lame response. He fished into his pocket and carefully pulled out only the postcard, moving to the side of Cub’s bed. They both stared at it for a moment.

“Sorry about that, I eh...forgot how hard it is to kill me,” Cub said.

Wolf frowned deeply, a boiling anger building in his stomach. Cub hadn’t even seemed bothered by his sentence, seemingly more guilty at having inconvenienced him. 

“It’s fine,” Wolf said.

“Since I’m fine and you don’t need to do anything, you can just go,” Cub said and Wolf looked at him with incredulousness. 

“What's going on? Where’s your family?” 

Wolf could figure out that Cub didn’t have much of a family, if he was technically emancipated, if no one could get a hold of social services, if no one had visited, if the one person he’d reached out to, to be responsible for burying him had been Wolf, then there surely wasn’t anyone. But he had to ask, maybe there was someone who just wasn’t always around, wasn’t to be trusted with responsibility.

“There’s no one, all my family are dead, and since you don’t have to do the thing I asked of you, you can go. You are relieved of your duty Captain,” 

Alex said, repeating himself. But Wolf shook his head in response. He wanted to ask more, what had caused this, why had he done this. What was going on..

“No..I’m here now, me and the guys we’ll figure out a plan, we can help,” Wolf said, signing up his unit without asking, but where he thought there might be relief in the kid, he just watched the kid’s resolve harden, saw his expression shut down even more.

“Why on earth would I accept your help? Because of the unit’s actions at training? Just because we worked together once at Point Blanc? Go away Wolf, I don’t need your pity and as it turns out I don’t need your help,” 

Cub’s tone was harsh and sharp, and without another word he turned away from Wolf - as much as he could and after a few moments of stunned silence, he heard the kid’s breathing even out and realised he’d gone to sleep or at least was pretending to have gone to sleep. 

That had gone about as well as Wolf had expected it would, but it was a first step. All he had wanted was a quiet welcome back from his last tour, and this was what he got. But at the very least he wasn’t having to bury a teammate however detached they were from him. 

But they were the SAS for a reason and he would handle this. It was just another mission.


	2. Disappointment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this story deals with heavy themes, please be aware before going in. 
> 
> I also realise that I've tagged the 2020 Alex Rider show, and though this takes a little from that, k-unit specifically will follow the book K-Unit.

The air in the hospital room was sterile and warm, the sunlight had streamed in for countless hours warming the room as it did so. There was only a boy in the room, he was sixteen but in his bones he felt two, three times that age. He was treated like a child by all the nurses and doctors he’d come into contact with but he had never felt further from it. Alex was sitting up on the bed, watching the sky outside his window as the evening colours darkened to night, relieved that visiting hours were finally over. Alex had blonde hair, and serious brown eyes. He had clearly grown a lot in recent years, but he was a visibly thin boy. He held himself like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. It made him seem older than he was, it made him serious, it made him look sad.

Wolf had been there all afternoon, had sat vigilantly at his bedside saying very little but remaining there. A few times he’d stepped out and Alex expected to be left alone fully, once more but each time he’d come back. Both to Alex’s surprise and dismay. He didn’t know what was driving the man to stick around when Alex was clearly and expressly ignoring him, making it clear he didn't want him there.

He regretted writing the postcard now. He had just.....the decision to jump in front of the taxi had been building for a while, he’d planned every detail, which had needed to include some manner in which to ensure he got buried, and buried properly with his family, not hushed under some rug where he would just be forgotten. But it hadn’t gone to plan, he was still alive and the detached and clinical manner in which he had truly believed Wolf would handle this situation had been wrong. He hadn’t expected to live, but he far less expected Wolf to stick around should this exact situation have occurred. 

The disappointment of waking up in hospital initially had been insurmountable. To come back to consciousness and realise he had failed, every ache and pain a reminder of what he hadn’t managed. The outpouring of bitter frustrated angry emotions that he’d exhibited in the moments after waking had scared the staff, but in the moment it had all just erupted out of him uncontrollably. 

Of course, he’d calmed down, reining himself all back in, tucking all those emotions away from the nurses, the doctor, the psychologist. Pushed them down till they sat below the surface enough to not come back and now over a week into his stay here, every ache in his body caused by his own doing was a reminder of what he hadn’t managed and perhaps he was a little thankful now that he hadn’t. It just didn’t change anything.

It didn’t change how his life was, how bleak everything seemed for him, how they would continue to be, but as much as he’d been resolved to die, it was maybe a little nice to have not. Alex knew that Ian would’ve been disappointed, he felt like Jack who had given up so much for him would’ve been disappointed to see him just throw it all away a mere couple of years later. Maybe he was a little relieved to have not actually died, but if he had died, it wasn’t like he’d be any the wiser, he’d just be dead. There would be nothing to contend with. But he wasn’t dead, and he had everything to contend with. 

For now he felt okay, perhaps not physically but the truly aching weariness, the heaviness in his bones and exhaustion which had been present before the taxi were muted, they’d be back, he knew his life, he knew his luck but for now they were quiet. 

Alex was planning to leave, to check himself out and head home that day. There were increasing questions, worried glances from the hospital staff and Alex knew he needed to get out before MI6 got more involved. He was in no fit state to work for them, but he didn’t want to give them a reason to punish him for bringing a lot of undue attention to his life. The only problem in this plan was Wolf. 

God damn Wolf.

He’d turned up. Had stayed. But Alex couldn’t figure to what end. Sure, come see if he was alive, but why had he stuck around once he knew he was? Wolf didn’t like him, Alex didn’t think he liked him, there hadn’t been any indication of it in the entire time he’d known him. Maybe the card….but that must’ve just been politeness. Alex had half watched Wolf spend all afternoon at his bedside, never once forcing him to say or explain anything...just sat there letting Alex purposefully ignore him. It had been warming and infuriating in equal measure. Alex had wanted him, no, needed him to be mad at him. To be so pissed and annoyed with what he’d tried to do, but he had just been frustratingly calm, almost understanding. This hadn’t been the plan. Wolf was supposed to have picked up his body and buried it somewhere. Not this.

Alex half wanted to tell Wolf about what was going on, partly desperate to have someone to talk to but he knew better than to drag someone else into his drama. He knew that there was nothing that could be done to help, so why burden anyone by talking about it. 

Alex's life was just deeply isolating. 

The teen had stopped telling Tom about the MI6 stuff after he’d been unceremoniously expelled from Brooklands, he opted to just use the time around his only friend to pretend he was a normal person and listen to his friend’s home drama, selfishly always welcoming the change of pace and comparative normality of the issues. Alex knew they strained Tom, all these arguments between his parents but Alex couldn’t help how mundane and normal it always felt to him. He hadn’t seen Tom in months though.

God, if he found out about this, he’d be so disappointed so frustrated with him. Demanding why he hadn’t said anything, why he hadn’t reached out. But even at the thought of his response Alex felt frustrated tears well up in his eyes. How to explain to your oldest friend that he felt too old for any of it. That the world was a heavy and wearing weight on his shoulders and he just wanted to rest. How to explain that he had so little control over his life because of MI6 or that being a spy for MI6 was slowly removing every part of his humanity. How to explain that no part of his life in years had felt like his own, no action felt like one he had control over..until this. Realistically too he knew it was unlikely that he’d live to see the end of the year, it didn’t matter how much he did or didn’t want to live. MI6 by their actions would kill him sooner rather than later. How could he explain to his sixteen year old friend the hopelessness of a doomed existence.

Alex rubbed his eyes, there wasn’t the time for this. He had to figure out his next steps. He had to figure out what to do. He had to just...god...Alex felt tears well in his eyes again, he just was in so over his head. For not the first time in the last few months the despair washed over him, and he wished childishly that his mother was with him, and was able to just do as he’d seen mothers do, just give him a hug. Just take some of the weight off his shoulders. 

No. There was no time for self pity.

Alex had to focus. He had to get himself together and figure out his next steps. The sprained ankle was his biggest issue. it wasn’t too bad now, but he couldn’t strain it further, and he walked with quite a limp. He didn’t need crutches thankfully, but overdoing it could result in it getting worse - which was just not an option he needed. His broken right arm was less of an issue. 

Alex didn’t want to spend more time in hospital than he had already. His escape plan had been set for that very day, some time during the afternoon, after the doctor had removed all the wires and the IV. But Wolf turning up had put a spanner in works of it and now it was too late. Tomorrow...he’d just have to do it tomorrow. He knew exactly what to do. Had it all planned, had everything he would need and was ready to go..he just needed to ignore Wolf, and could only assume that the man wouldn’t be back for a while. Then, once he was home...then there was just everything to figure out. 

Exhaustion washed over him, if he didn’t need to do anything until tomorrow he’d let himself relax slightly. His gaze remained looking out at the darkened sky, as he was lulled back to sleep. Letting the good, pain relieving drugs carry the weight on his shoulders so he could fall into hopefully nightmare-less sleep. 

\-----

The gentle closing of the door stirred Alex from a long but thankfully uneventful night of sleep. He hadn’t had a nightmare, but every other sound had stirred him. He felt more exhausted than the day before and even the fact he was intending to leave didn’t fill him with any burst of energy. 

“I don’t think he’s awake,”

Wolf...why was he back? Alex wanted to curse, curse ever having reached out to him, no matter how nice it was to imagine that there might be someone that had come back, who maybe wanted to actually help him - not that Alex thought he could - he just needed him to be like almost everyone else in his life and just not care. That was better, for everyone involved.

“It's not surprising, if it’s only been a week then he needs to be sleeping to recover,”

That wasn’t Wolf….no, Snake. It had been a long while since he’d heard that voice. Snake hadn’t been at Point Blanc, and he hadn’t been around when Alex had run into Ben. But that accent, he’d remember that. ‘He’s the medic’ his brain supplied him and he cursed it some more. Perhaps if he just pretended to sleep they would leave. But more and more minutes passed and the two were just sitting in his room discussing some football game that he had no interest in. 

“Why are you here?”

Alex didn’t look round and he didn’t move, he kept his eyes closed. He was pleased when he heard the pair startle at his sudden voice. 

“We want to help,”

Alex scoffed, he chose then to open his brown eyes and glance at the pair. They were sitting a little further from the bed than he’d noticed parents or loved ones do with some of the other patients in nearby rooms, but as he glanced at their faces, he could note the concern. 

“I don’t need your help,” 

Alex moved to sit himself up, feeling his cheeks redden as he struggled with that, more than he wanted to. Alex was thankful at least neither had moved to help. He was fine, he could do this alone. He didn’t need their help in this or in anything. He didn’t need them interfering. He was fine by himself. He’d been alone since he’d come back from the ill-fated stint in America. He had been managing fine on his own for a while. 

“No offence Cub, but I’m going to have to disagree,”

Alex near flinched at the use of the nickname, the Cub they knew was gone, a past life. When he’d still held some of his innocence, when the world hadn’t seemed so god damn awful. But Alex just shook his head. 

“Thankfully I don’t need to listen to you, I’m an emancipated teen, so what I decide for myself goes, and I’d like very much to be alone and for you, both of you, to go away,”

He looked pointedly at Wolf. Who just raised an eyebrow at his attitude, so Alex just continued, perhaps if he got angry enough they’d leave. Decide he wasn’t worth the effort, just an angry teen, ill equipped to deal with the world’s woes. 

“I’m sorry I bothered you Wolf with my silly request, but since you don’t have to do it, just go. Just get back to your lives, I won’t burden you with me anymore,”

Alex hated that they were just looking at him with pity. He didn’t need that, he didn’t need them to feel bad for him, he needed them to be angry at him. To decide he wasn’t worth it. He didn’t need them, they didn’t need him. He didn’t want them, they shouldn’t want him. 

“You aren’t a burden Cub, we’re a unit,” 

Alex groaned in frustration. He rubbed his eyes aggressively, sighing heavily. 

“Just fuck off, get out!”

He screamed, far louder than he wanted to, he could feel his heart racing. Snake had the decency to look a little sheepish, but Wolf just finally looked angry. Alex hated that this was exactly what he wanted and that he felt suddenly bad for it, Wolf didn’t deserve to be yelled at. He felt like he was burning the bridge between them while he was at it. It felt unfair and it felt wrong that if tried again, he’d just end up...swept under the rug and forgotten because he shouldn’t reach out again. But that was the price here, for him to be alone he had to burn this bridge. It seemed to have worked, the pair stood up, and seemed to begin to leave.

“We’ll be back, Cub, take the time to calm down and consider that we’re just trying to help you,” Snake told him.

Snake was shoving Wolf out the door before he could add anything. Alex let out a half sigh, half sob as soon as they were out of sight, his emotions flying all over the place. He needed to take back control. He needed to go, and he needed to go immediately. The teen swung his legs over the side of the bed and with a little effort hobbled his way to the nurses desk. 

“Hey sweetheart, you okay? Your uncle giving you some bother?”

Too determined to even think about what the nurse had said Alex just nodded. 

“Can I use your computer? I need to email my mum, my phone got smashed..we’re not close but I…..I miss her,” 

The nurse seemed a little reluctant, Alex knew that patients weren’t supposed to access the computers, and there was of course a chance that the computer would be built in such a manner that didn’t allow people to access any personal emails so she’d have to say no. But, Alex had to try, so he let himself for a moment feel all of the world weariness he barely kept at bay rise to the surface and tried his best to look as downtrodden as possible so the woman might feel sorry enough to let him do it. After some hesitation, and a little extra ‘please’ from Alex, the nurse relented. It worked.

“Okay, but you best be done by the time I’ve finished grabbing a cup of tea,”

The woman brought him round and let him sit. Opening up a web browser for him and then pointing at her watch as she walked off. He felt bad for doing this, hoping that she wouldn’t end up in trouble. He was always dragging people down with his problems. Good people always seemed to be drawn into the mess of his life and suffered because of him. But, Alex knew he couldn’t waste time getting upset over his actions. Instead he focused, he had to find the records area of the computer, the patient files area. It took a number of clicks, and a few failed attempts, but this wasn’t the first time Alex had checked himself out of a hospital, so he was able to get it. He pulled up his records, and was surprised to note that in the next of kin information there was Wolf’s civilian name and all his personal details, number, home address were there too. Alex ignored it, editing away any of his own information they might’ve been able to use to find him, things they’d gotten off his passport and then with a few more clicks was able to declare himself checked out with no follow up. 

He tried his best to wipe clean the fact things had been edited as well as he could, but with limited time, he knew someone would notice that the records had been tampered with pretty quickly. He could spot the nurse coming back with a cup of tea in hand, and he closed out of everything and then headed back to his room. He gave the woman a wave, not wanting to thank her with his words. It felt wrong.

Alex didn’t think Wolf and Snake would be back despite saying they would be. But the fact he’d been wrong about Wolf coming back before didn’t make him feel particularly confident in what he thought, so he had to act as if they were right around the corner. Alex didn’t have the time to think about anything, he just had to do what he admittedly did well. Though, with his injuries it was a little harder than normal. 

With some difficulty, Alex managed to get dressed, thankfully not in the clothes that he’d come to the hospital in, but some spare clothes that the nurses had gotten him from lost and found. None of it fitted particularly well, but grimly Alex realised these clothes were the first new-ish clothes he’d gotten in almost six months, he didn’t have the time or finances to shop for new clothes, he grew too quickly out of them anyway. He pushed away those thoughts before they had a chance to take hold. Alex glanced at the time, the nurse would be in at exactly ten o’clock with his medication, before she’d be in to check his IV, but he’d been reduced to pills as of the day before. 

Unsurprisingly at ten, the nurse walked in and gave him the medication and water. 

“Are you going to visit that tranquility garden like I suggested?” she asked, noting he was dressed and Alex nodded. 

It was something that they had talked about when she took out his IV, deliberately so. Now that he was more mobile, it was a place to walk to - close by - that people wouldn’t question where he was going, but it was reasonable enough to put his own clothes on to do it.

“Don’t over exert yourself okay? You’re just off the good stuff,”

Alex nodded again, and the nurse left without making sure that Alex took the medication she’d handed him. Seemingly trusting that Alex would actually take the medication or perhaps having simply forgotten to make sure he did. He’d very purposefully, after his initial outburst upon waking up, worked hard to be unassuming, compliant and friendly, that way he knew this would be easier. With that done he decided it was time to go. He wrapped his actual shoes up in the large oversized hoodie he’d been given, he put his phone into his pocket and left. 

Getting out of the hospital wasn’t hard, there were lots of people milling around, lots of doctors and nurses who didn’t know him. No one asked questions about stepping outside because people went in and out all day, even if they looked injured. He left the floor he was on, taking the stairs to avoid others - though his ankle and his pelvis ached at the movement - but after he’d descended a few floors, he went back onto the hospital floor and found a public bathroom where he quickly ducked into one of the cubicles. There he put on his shoes, taking off the hospital issue slippers and hiding them behind the toilet seat of the cubicle. He put on the jumper and took out the phone. The phone was working - mostly - but the screen was pretty horribly cracked, he didn’t switch it on just yet, using the black mirror to arrange his hair in the best way to hide some of the pretty vivid bruising and cuts to his face. Ignoring the large mirror in the bathroom in favour of the more forgiving phone. 

Alex got up once he was done, pocketing the phone and heading out of the bathroom. He walked with as much confidence as he could muster, doing his best to not seem like his gaze was moving in all directions spotting cameras and people and trying his best to avoid limping too much, hiding the cast on his arm. Alex was just heading out of the building as if he was supposed to. 

If Wolf and Snake hadn’t turned up, Alex would’ve left via the main door, no reason to have to hide himself, but given that he didn’t know where they went, in case they were still around, he headed towards one of the side entrances to the hospital, using a little patience to wait until others were leaving and blending in with them. He didn’t look back at the hospital and didn’t stop until he was a little way away, until he felt comfortable finding a bench and planning his next move. 

Alex really just wanted to get home, even though he was telling himself he was better, even his escape had tired him out. His body ached and it would only get worse. At least at home he had medication from when he’d been shot, he could take some of that and sleep for a while. Rest up in the privacy and solitude of his own home.

Alex hadn’t brought much with him when he’d gone to the busy main street intending to end his life. He hadn’t needed much to do that, his phone, his passport and his house keys. He had walked to the street he’d picked, at that point enjoying what he had believed would be his final walk. He had enjoyed those (what he believed to be) final moments, watching people starting their day. He had enjoyed hearing the birds, smelling the smog filled air. It had been a nice, warm, sunny day and the walk had just felt right. Now however, he was beginning to regret it. He didn’t have any hard money and he wasn’t sure his phone’s card tap payment functionality would work, worse still Alex didn’t know how much money had to spare. 

The teen fished the phone from his pocket and turned it on, he attempted to put in the passcode, mindful of the cracks and after two attempts was able to get into the phone. The phone’s screen wasn’t nearly as precise as it had been. He opened the banking app he had, the one set up by MI6, a gift Mrs Jones had said when they’d given him the details, but all it did was tether him to them. He couldn’t do anything without them knowing about it, they decided exactly how much money he got every month, and could take it all away if they wanted to. But that wasn’t the matter here, a few taps and a few attempts and he was able to access the information. 

Even though the number staring back at him was truly depressing, that wasn’t an issue he needed to deal with straight away. He needed to get home, and he had enough money to do that - all providing that he was able to use his phone, provided it worked. Not wanting to waste any more time, in case the hospital had noticed he was gone already, Alex got to his feet, groaning as the pain became even worse and then walked to the nearest underground station. 

\---

The journey hadn’t been particularly pleasant, there had been some struggle through the barriers, but within a half hour Alex was walking up the familiar street to the familiar Chelsea home. He was thankful that this was his one solid in life. No matter everything else, this was home, he always came back to it, it didn’t matter that MI6 technically had ownership. Before he was even at his doorstep, his hand was inside his pocket, grabbing the keys tightly, and though he was utterly spent, he knew he moved fractionally quicker when it came into sight. 

He let the limp be more pronounced as he finished his walk up to the door, he wasn’t sure who would be watching if any one was, he doubted MI6 would make him come in with how injured he was, but he knew better than to just trust that anyone in that company would do the right thing. He walked into the home and closed the door heavily behind him. 

He stood silently for a moment, letting himself finally really relax, letting the air of the house fill his nostrils. He hadn’t ever expected to come back, but this place was something he was glad to see again. He took off his shoes leaving them by the door and pulled the jumper off, hanging it up next to the mostly empty coat rack. He locked the door with the key, and with the two bolt locks that he’d managed to add over the last few years. 

Alex made his way tiredly into the house, he knew he should just go to bed. He didn’t know why he didn’t, every part of him was sore, his bones felt heavy, he felt exhausted, but instead he went to the kitchen. He glanced around the room and then sat down heavily on a chair at the kitchen table. 

The silence of the house engulfed him. He allowed himself a moment to be glad that he was home, glad that he had survived. Alex knew that he wouldn’t have the time soon. That everything that had brought him to that point over a week ago was going to start rearing its ugly head. Him surviving had fixed none of the issues he was facing. But for today, today, he would allow himself to ignore all of that. 

A deep sob escaped his lips, jolting his whole body. He leaned forward in the seat and covered his face with his hands and he was unable to hold back the tears any more. He didn’t know if he was crying because he was glad to be alive or because he hadn’t managed to die. But all of his emotions pent up from the last few days at the hospital were overflowing out of him, now that he could finally relax. They had all watched him with sympathetic expressions but none of them knew. He had wanted to tell the doctor about what was happening, why he had, but what if MI6 found out he had…..what if the man had tried to help..what if something had happened to him. Alex sobbed again, hating himself for how weak and vulnerable he felt. 

After a few minutes, his emotions seemed to pass enough that Alex was able to gain back his composure. He could feel a looming headache from the tears and he knew that he just needed to go to bed, despite the early hour of the day. He had never slept well in hospitals, was never able to get comfortable enough or feel safe enough to truly relax. He got up from the table, taking a moment to keep his balance and with a heaviness in his bones got a glass of water and slowly went up the stairs. He grabbed the leftover medicine from the bathroom next to his room before heading into his room. He placed the glass and the medicine down on the bedside table, and pulled off the clothes he was wearing, throwing them out carelessly into the hallway, that was something else he could deal with tomorrow. 

Alex got a clean t-shirt from his drawers and sat heavily down on the bed, he took the medicine and lay down on the bed, getting tucked under the familiar duvet and sheets. Letting the soft familiar pillow cradle his head. His body slowly relaxed against the mattress. The bed was cold, and despite it being summer he could feel himself slightly shivering but it was nice. He thought about getting a blanket but the only one in the room covered the full length mirror in the corner. Even if he wanted to grab that he wouldn’t. He could do without. The medication seemed to kick in heavily and Alex drifted off. 

All of his worries would be there tomorrow when he knew he’d be better able to face them. For now he just needed to sleep, and firmly push the last twenty four hours, push Wolf out of his mind.


	3. A New Mission

The two SAS men headed out of the hospital and walked a short way to a little chain cafe nearby. It didn’t matter what chain it was, the only thing that mattered was that they could both order black coffees with an extra shot of espresso from it. Snake had been the one to order the coffees, it was the first thing either had said after leaving the hospital. It didn’t seem like either one knew what to say really. They found an empty table near the back of the coffee shop where rather than the usual couches and low tables, they could sit at a normal sized table with wooden cushioned chairs. Both silently knew that this situation would’ve felt silly if they, large, built men had sat in low comfy sofa chairs. 

Chair scraped the floor as they sat down and Wolf sighed, he was frustrated to no end with what had just happened. But he couldn’t exactly blame the kid, he was sure it was as overwhelming for Cub as it was for him. Wolf just wanted to help...the kid had reached out to him after all. He hadn’t been looking for help, but Wolf was realising that he might possibly be the only person Cub could reach out to. Cub who was all of sixteen reaching out to some guy who hadn’t been all that kind and who he hadn’t seen in two years because that was all he had just felt wrong. It had made Wolf feel like he should definitely try to help. 

He just knew that his own impatience, his own stubbornness were perhaps not the best at times, this situation was new to him, and deeply emotionally charged which just made it all the more difficult. It was why he’d reached out to Snake. Snake was the medic of his unit (and his closest friend), he was better equipped to deal with this kind of situation, more level-headed but Wolf was realising now that perhaps should’ve mentioned something to Alex about Snake before just bringing Snake in.

“You should’ve asked him if it was okay to bring me,” 

Wolf nodded in agreement, Snake was right. It had been a mistake to not try and talk to Cub first. But, there would be time to make up for that mistake. Time for them to hopefully gain his trust and help him. After all the conversation with the doctor the day before seemed to indicate that the kid would be in the hospital a little longer and after that needed someone to just be around. Wolf was just out of his depth, so out of his depth. He was a capable and adept soldier but this wasn’t some recon mission with faceless people in some country. This was Cub, this was his home country, this was a situation where a kid had tried to kill himself.

“What happened? All you said on the phone was that he tried to kill himself and you wanted me to try and talk to him?” Snake asked. 

Wolf reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out the leaflets, note and the postcard from the day before. He singled the postcard out from the bundle and handed it to Snake. He watched the man read it and the heavy sigh that followed Wolf was sure was not unlike the one he’d given after reading. 

“So, I found the number for the hospital that he said he’d likely be at, because you know, I wanted to find out if I had a funeral to plan. They didn’t say anything on the phone, but asked me to come in. So I did. His doctor told me what happened, that I was the first person to come, that when they tried to look into who he was to, you know, find someone for him, they were told he’s emancipated and hit apparently hit every brick wall imaginable in trying to find him the most minimal amount of help,”

Wolf paused, taking his coffee and lightly sipping at the still hot liquid just as something to do. 

“I was just going to go and make sure he was okay or something, but he’s clearly not despite what he says and I dunno, I felt...feel bad. I know he was only in our unit for like two weeks at best and we weren’t exactly kind to him, but I don’t know….if he’s got no one else, and he’s turning to me, a guy he’s knew a total of like 15-16 days two years ago...then I can’t help but feel a little like I owe it to him to help,”

Wolf couldn’t talk about Point Blanc, Snake hadn’t been there for that, the information classified even from his current teammates, but the rest was true. He didn’t know Cub well but it just felt wrong to know about this and to not try to do anything. 

“He was beat to hell….how did he try?”

Wolf had been avoiding meeting Snake’s gaze almost embarrassed for how he cared, he wasn’t usually the one to care so quickly. Wolf had never been good at talking about his feelings, he was never one to push others, so he wouldn’t push himself either. It wasn’t to say that he didn’t deeply care about his friends and unit mates, he did, he was just the least likely to say it, and the most likely to dismiss his own emotions immediately after saying them if it felt too vulnerable. 

“The doctor said he stepped out in front of a taxi,”

He finally met Snake’s gaze and noted the change in Snake demeanour. When first hearing Snake had been concerned about the boy though perhaps a little passive, that had slowly been replaced with a much deeper concern and a fierceness. It seemed despite the boy’s pushing, he was increasingly gaining more people who cared.

The men sat in silence for a moment as both reckoned with what had been said. Wolf slowly sipping his coffee, Snake’s sitting untouched. 

“Fuck,”

Was all Snake said, running his hands over his face, running them through his short hair. He muttered the swear again, and again. He went to say something else but the only word that came was the same swear word. It seemed that had finally brought to him the scope of this problem, the seriousness of what had happened and to what could they do to help. 

“What do we do?” Wolf asked. 

He knew he had to be the leader, but he wasn’t sure what the next step in this was. Snake was smarter, more versed in matters like this. Prior to the army he knew Snake had been thinking about doing something social work related.

“We need to find out what happened to his family, if he really doesn’t have any then over the next few weeks he’ll still need some support, just to move around, help him get food, remind him to take his medicine, that sort of stuff. I think we should just try and get him to accept our help, even if it’s just like one of us going to see him every other day or once a week. We should bring in Fox and Eagle, maybe as a unit we can provide some support and the variation might help him feel less alone...less of a burden..”

Wolf hoped there was family somewhere, family who would be able to step in and do something. Wolf wanted to help Cub, but he didn’t think he or his team were the best placed to be helping him. They had some long leave currently, but he knew an attempted suicide wasn’t something you bounced back from in a matter of months, they’d be deployed at some point for goodness knew how long, so it wasn’t like he or the whole team could be the constant support that he thought the kid needed, even on a once a week basis like Snake was saying. It didn’t matter that objectively knowing that Cub was emancipated and that he’d said there was no one meant there was likely no family hiding anywhere, he just hoped Cub wasn’t actually completely alone.

“Alright, let’s start with telling Fox and Eagle, I think I’ll go back to the hospital and try and talk to him, apologise for shouting and apologise for springing you on him. See if I can’t soften him up a little and get him to at least say yes to you and the other guys seeing him. I think we should speak to the doctor about where he looked for the kid’s family and then do some of our own digging. Maybe Fox still has a guy in MI6 who could do some proper digging?”

Wolf was slowly laying out each of the next few steps, things they needed to decide and figure out in the immediacy. Everything else would come as they figured out other parts. He took another sip of his coffee and noted that Snake was drinking his now too. With a goal, an objective in mind it was much easier to focus and know what to do. Wolf was feeling pretty good about it too, a little more hopeful that they could help him. 

It was then Wolf’s phone started to vibrate in his pocket. He frowned and fished it out. The number wasn’t one he recognised but he picked up anyway, giving an apologetic look towards Snake. He stood up and moved away from the table to be polite, listening to the voice on the other end of the phone.

“No he’s not with us,” Wolf said, his voice filled with frustration. There was more talking on the other end and then they hung up. Wolf was left staring at the wall and sighed. 

“What’s going on with the kid?”

“The kid’s gone,”

“I…..eh..thought he was getting better”

“No, not that. He’s done a runner,”

\-----

The men entered the hospital room, where the doctor, a security personnel and a nurse were all standing looking at an empty bed. They were discussing things in quiet tones, the mood of the room was tense. The two men glanced towards the now empty bed, the sheets were still rumbled and the room still had little signs that Cub had been there, notably the nurse and doctor held what appeared to be medication that Cub had clearly not taken before he’d gone. Wolf shared a glance with Snake and then cleared his throat. None of the others in the room had noticed that they’d arrived until he’d done so. 

“Oh, the uncle,”

Wolf winced at the doctor’s greeting. The man didn’t look particularly pleased with him, which honestly, Wolf understood. As far as the man was aware, it was likely because of him that the kid had skipped out. Wolf didn’t want to think that it was, but it was difficult to deny that the kid had left after he’d come into the picture, and after he’d yelled at him. 

Perhaps that was the trigger too, him coming had freaked the boy out, out enough that he ran off to goodness knows where. Wolf just hoped it wasn’t to try again, he hoped the boy was keeping himself safe wherever he was. 

“What happened?”

The doctor demanded of him. Wolf gave a little shrug.

“We saw him when we arrived, he got mad, so we left to let him calm down. We were at the coffee shop up the road,”

Wolf was pleased that Snake nodded in agreement with what he’d said. It was the truth but the doctor had a harsh glare so the support was welcome.

“Let’s go to my office shall we,”

The doctor also had a harsh tone, and Wolf who had dealt with a lot of harsh men and women, had never felt more in trouble as he did as they headed to this man’s office. 

The doctor and the two SAS men all took seats in the room, they had left the nurse and security in the hospital room. Wolf looked to the doctor who just seemed to be exhausted, there was still a harshness but he looked exhausted. Perhaps because doctors worked long hours or because of the kid. 

“So, Alex checked himself out,”

Wolf frowned, the man on the phone had said he’d skipped out. 

“Now, before you say anything, it wasn’t our doing. He managed to get on to one of the nurse’s computers and changed his records. He changed his listed address to just yours which I know isn’t his, I can’t claim to have the best memory but I know it wasn’t that before. He made it so he doesn’t need to come back for check ups, hell, he removed all the notes about what medication he needed to get prescribed. Then by all accounts he just walked out the door,” The doctor stopped, he leaned his elbows on the table and sighed. 

“He was healing up and he’ll probably be okay so long as he doesn’t strain himself, but he’s in for a rough few days, weeks even without pain killers. You need to convince him to come back to hospital, even to just get the prescription, he doesn’t need to stay, I know he wasn’t sleeping particularly well here but he shouldn't have to be in pain. Do you know where he might’ve gone? Where he was living currently? Where his mum is?”

Wolf could see the man on the end of his tether, just looking for any way to help a sixteen year old teen, he couldn’t hear anything other than exasperation and worry in his tone. He looked away from the man, staring instead at his hands, maybe now was the time to start telling the truth. 

“Doctor Green, I’m not his uncle. Cu….Alex..well...it’s difficult to explain.” 

So instead of explaining, for the second time that day he took out the postcard and handed it to him. The doctor had looked pretty annoyed and shocked but took it. 

“We don’t know what happened to him, or where his family is. He was briefly with me a few years back, We do know each other, I can’t give more details of the how or why because it’s classified government information, but he reached out to me. I promise you Doctor, we’ll find him, we’ll help him. We just need to know who you got in contact with when you were looking into his family,”

Wolf had spoken steadily, with a solidness in his tone. They would find him. They would go after him and make sure that he was okay. He knew that the doctor had no reason to believe what he was saying but there was little other recourse, Alex had walked out and Wolf didn’t imagine that he was the sort to walk back in just because something hurt a little. If the kid was still determined to die, he might've already thrown himself off the nearest bridge. The doctor didn’t say anything just handed the postcard back to Wolf, he grabbed some paper and began writing. After a few moments of silence the man thrust the paper into Wolf’s hand and a quick glance was all it took to know this was the information they were looking for. 

“Get out of my office,”

The doctor said there was a finality in his tone that Wolf didn’t want to argue with. Both he and Snake rose to their feet at the same time and they headed out. Wolf was careful to tuck the paper, and the postcard into his pocket with everything else. It wasn’t exactly fun to get thrown out of two rooms in one day but both times he had deserved it. 

Wolf wondered if he’d made things worse by getting involved. Perhaps he should’ve just told the truth at the beginning? Perhaps he just should’ve not bothered when they asked if he was family. The thought was pierced by the sounds of a nearby siren - likely a normal occurrence at a hospital but it was enough to remind him that there could’ve been a chance that the kid had died and who would’ve ever known, who would’ve mourned or buried him. He couldn’t stand the idea of someone he’d known being buried by the local council without any family. No. It was better to have gotten involved than not. 

“What now?”

The scottish accent broke his thoughts and he glanced towards Snake, who seemed as calm as ever. 

“Let’s get the others and go to mine, we owe it to that doctor to find him,”

“I’ll get us an uber,”

\-------

Wolf closed the door behind him as they made their way into his flat. The others would be there within the hour, but for now, it was just Wolf and Snake. Snake seemed to immediately go to the bathroom, while Wolf went into the kitchen. He glanced in his cupboards and was pleased to find coffee. Beer or hard liquor seemed more appropriate but they needed clear heads if they were to find him. Wolf was in some disbelief that they’d lost him, that the hospital had been so silly to let him just walk out. He grabbed a plate intending to get a few of what were hopefully still good biscuits but his frustration at how they were just wasting time mounted, at himself for possibly scaring the kid off, and without being to hold back he threw the plate hard and watched it smash into pieces on the floor.

“Are you done?” Snake asked from the doorway, “You can’t act like that if we find the kid,”

“When, Snake, when we find him.”

Wolf corrected but he nodded, knowing the man was right, but it had helped somewhat, getting some of that frustration out of his system but he couldn’t be like that in front of the kid. He grabbed a broom and shovel and was able to quickly clean up the mess he had made. He watched vaguely as Snake took over making the coffee, popping the kettle on and discovering the rest of the in date biscuits. Wolf just finished cleaning up his mess and sat down on the table. He took a cup of coffee as Snake handed it to him, they hadn’t been able to finish the coffee they'd bought in the rush back to the hospital. 

The men took quiet sips of their respective coffees as they waited. Wolf had so many things he wanted to say, as did Snake, but neither of them seemed to be able to really get the words out. What did you say to a situation like this? Wolf had never experienced anything like this, but he had dealt with plenty of other things. Things that were so far removed from his personal life it was easy to keep them apart, a matter he knew wasn’t always right. But this, this had come crashing unceremoniously into his life. Demanding that he care and do something about it - even if it never specifically said so.

In truth he was just worried. He was worried that he wouldn’t get a letter next time. He was worried that Cub would find a bridge to disappear under. He was worried that some sixteen year old would die when he had been in a position to try to do anything to prevent it or help him. He knew it wouldn’t be his fault, he couldn’t be to blame for Cub’s actions if he tried again now, but god it wouldn’t make him feel any better about it. 

Eventually the two other men appeared, first Fox, who seemed suitably confused and sleepy, and then Eagle, who bounced into the room with an energy Wolf knew he would soon regret. They made more coffee and the four burly SAS men all sat around Wolf’s kitchen table with a strangeness in the air. Wolf hadn’t mentioned to them why he was inviting them round, and this was not something he did often - if at all.

“So, just keep in mind, he’s okay, but when I got home yesterday, this was in my mailbox.”

He showed the men the postcard, as they both nodded in confused understanding. Wolf watched their expressions as they read, noting that Fox went visibly more pale than Eagle and than Snake had. Wolf had been right about Eagle, he could see the regret of coming in with a chipper attitude.

“I went to the hospital yesterday, to, you know, check, and he's alive, but not for a lack of trying. I decided to enlist Snake’s help and we went to see him today but he got annoyed with us so we left him to calm down, and he used that opening to leave the hospital before he was supposed to, leaving no traces to where he might've gone. We don’t know whether it was caused by us, or if he’d always been intending to leave before he should, but he’s gone,”

Wolf told them going over in broad strokes all that had happened. There would be time later to give more information.

“We need to find him,”

He wasn’t too surprised when that came from Eagle. Eagle was the youngest of them but he was the oldest of four children, fiercely protective of his siblings so it was no surprise that he would be the one to immediately jump to that decision. Wolf glanced towards Fox who had remained silent, still staring at the postcard. 

“The hospital tried to find his family, anyone to come and help him, but they were told that he was emancipated and couldn’t get any further. He edited all his details on the hospital system too, so theres no using that,” 

“Do you think he’d try again?” Eagle asked tentatively.

Wolf gave a half shrug to his question, it was difficult to know if he would. Wolf thought it was possible, but he didn’t want to think about that as an outcome. 

“Even if he does, we need to find him, so that least we can try and get him buried properly,” Snake said. “I doubt the council would find out if there’s a family plot or anything,”

Wolf was glad he’d been the one to say that. He was sure they all felt like that but it was good to hear out loud. However, in all of this, the least vocal had been Fox. His gaze still hadn’t moved, he nodded along with some of the words but he hadn't said anything. 

“What’s on your mind there Fox?”

“I…..You know that brief period I spent with MI6?”

“Yeah” Wolf said shortly, not understanding why he was bringing that up now, he hadn’t yet brought up using Fox’s contacts at MI6.

“I left MI6 because I didn’t like how they did things...Alex..Cub...he was and maybe still is an agent of theirs. He was fourteen at the time of my mission,”

The room was stunned into silence, perhaps that was why he had tried to kill himself. They all knew that on bad nights Fox still had nightmares from his time working for MI6. But Wolf didn't know why then had Cub not reached out to Fox instead of him. 

“Why did he reach out to me then?”

“He probably doesn’t know I no longer work for them. He says here trust, he didn’t reach out to me because he probably didn’t think he could trust me, maybe he though I might get them to do it for me,”

Wolf didn’t like the answer given but it was rather fair. It made some sense. It just didn’t really help.

“Do you know anything about him? Anything that could help us find him?”

“We didn’t have much time to swap family histories.”

“So we’re still at square one,” Wolf growled. 

“Not exactly, we know that he’s possibly still involved with MI6, that’s a place to start,”

Wolf didn’t see how knowing that piece of information would help them. He doubted that MI6 would just give them any information about where the kid was without them having to dig. He couldn’t imagine that they really wanted four SAS guys to get involved. He didn’t think he’d make their lives hell, but he didn’t exactly think he’d take lying down the fact that this kid was an agent of theirs. No wonder Cub had been so sure that no one could help him. Wolf decided then that poking MI6 would need to be a last resort. He’d bash down every door and if eventually that meant MI6’s then he’d do that too. 

Wolf didn’t know Cub well, but he knew most rights from most wrongs, and employing a child to be a spy was wrong, no matter if it had been for the two or three missions they were aware of, or if there were constant missions. Doing it to a point, or leaving him with enough trauma that suicide had seemed like the best option, that was wrong. 

“We’re gonna find him Wolf. We'll treat this like any other mission, put our heads together and we'll find him,”


	4. The Light of a New Day

There was a bird twittering loudly outside his bedroom window, the sunlight was pouring in, and the whole house was filled with a mid-morning light. There was only one person in this house and for the last day, there had been little movement from that person. A few trips to the bathroom, a quick biscuit dinner and that was it. Nothing else had stirred. But now, as the day began around him, the boy in the bed stirred. It had been a rather painless night - surprisingly. He had managed to sleep well, waking up only on a few occasions when his body demanded more than just to sleep. He had thought he’d sleep most of the morning and then be awake for part of the night, but it had seemed that the whole journey home had tired him out to the point where he’d been asleep to some degree for almost 24 hours. It was the sort of night’s sleep that tended to follow some harsh and long missions, which perhaps in a way this had been. 

Brown eyes moved behind the eyelids as he slowly was roused from his sleep. Despite drinking water a few times during the day and night, his throat felt parched and dry. His awareness slowly coming back did mean that every ache and pain was slowly coming back too. His ankle felt stiffer, the shoulder felt stiffer, the pain was low but it wasn’t localised, it felt like every single bruise, or cut on his body was giving him pain, though the worst was the broken arm which ached. He moved his non-broken arm, rubbing his eyes before he finally opened them. The room was the same as it had been when he’d left. Dust gathered on the shelves and surfaces, discolouration in the unmoved items in the sun, he hadn’t touched any of that in a long while. He hadn’t really been in the mood for a good while for any of the books, films, or even games that had once interested him. 

Alex slowly sat up in the bed, his head was spinning slightly, as the world came into better focus. He’d been kept on a number of medications at the hospital, they’d kept all these pains away. But he could deal with the pains, he’d dealt with this sort of pain before. He swung his legs over the side and reached for some spare trousers, the casual pair that were made for comfort. He was careful to not jostle or struggle too much as he put them on. He got to his feet and took the empty glass as he hobbled out. His ankle didn’t feel as good today as it had yesterday, he’d probably need to try to keep off it more. He went to the bathroom, following his usual morning routine, though after he’d brushed his teeth he took the opportunity to look at himself in the bathroom mirror. The bruising on his face was awful, there were little healing cuts on his forehead, temple and cheeks. He reached out and lightly touched them. 

Alex remembered clear as day stepping out in front of the taxi, he remembered hearing himself hitting it and then nothing else. He’d avoided looking in the mirrors in the bathroom at the hospital, mostly unwilling to face what he’d done. But, the small mirror in the Chelsea home’s main bathroom, which had reflected back at him far worse, felt like a comfortable mirror. It was one of the few mirrors left in the home. He sighed slightly and looked away, he was pleased that in the reflection he couldn’t see his chest. It was covered in bandages but...he knew where it all was. He did reach for his stomach and like he’d learnt to and he felt for any stiffness in his abdomen but there wasn’t any. The doctor had said he was likely out of the woods for internal bleeding but had been checking most days. 

The teen detoured via Ian’s old room and found a large t-shirt and jumper that would be easier to wear with the broken arm. He was half tempted to raid the first aid kit for a sling or something. Something that might help against the lingering pain but decided against it. Alex grabbed the discarded clothes from the day before and took them with him to the kitchen. He placed the glass into the sink and put the dirty clothes into the washing machine. He didn’t turn it on - no sense when there was only one set of clothes inside. Now was just the matter of breakfast. He’d had some quick biscuits the night before as dinner, because it had been the easiest thing to grab, bland enough and filling enough. It didn’t matter that he had little else.

He was however pretty hungry. A few biscuits over a whole day while his body was healing wasn’t a good idea. Alex opened the fridge and frowned. He hadn't intentionally emptied the fridge, but the decision to kill himself had meant he’d let everything in there deplete more than usual and there now wasn’t anything for breakfast. He moved to the one cupboard he used for food, he was one person that was all the space he needed when he was just feeding himself. Opening the cupboard didn’t fill him with much confidence. His mind supplied cruelly that he was in the same situation as he had been before he’d thrown himself in front of a taxi. He hadn’t had much food before it, why would he have food now. 

There was the same pack of biscuits from the night before, a little lidl home brand strawberry jam. Half a pack of pasta, a third of rice, a singular can of tomatoes, and a few other small bits and pieces. He took the instant coffee out and began making himself a cup and took out a few more biscuits. It had been a new pack, one he’d found in the marked down aisle of his last shop, most of the biscuits were broken, but he wouldn’t turn down a treat like that. He got himself a plate and placed three broken biscuits on it. He finished making the coffee and took it and the plate to the kitchen table. As the coffee cooled he ventured to the living room, grabbing the old laptop and it’s charger and returned to the kitchen. The laptop didn’t work any more unless it was plugged in - defeating its purpose but a new laptop was definitely not in his price range. 

After a few moments of lightly sipping the coffee and nibbling hungrily on the biscuits the computer started up. It wasn’t a particularly well protected computer but it wasn’t like there was much on the computer that gave anything away, Alex didn’t have any social media accounts, he had an email address he used to find work, answer tutoring ads but largely the computer wasn’t worth hacking or breaking into. He didn’t have anything left worth taking. He opened up a browser, opening several tabs at once, not glancing at the suggested and recent searches that filled the search bar as he typed:

Short term hiring  
At home easy work outs  
Safe foods that are cheap and keep for long  
Chelsea results   
Best way to budget  
One meal a day?  
Suggested weight for men   
Keep up with karate at home  
Nearest bridge to a hospital, london.

Instead of focusing on those things he opened his emails, opened a youtube tab and opened the gumtree website. He went into his files and pulled open his finances spreadsheet. It was a rather bleak thing, but when there was never any guarantee of how much was coming in from MI6 month to month he needed to know exactly where the money was going. The house and its utilities were all taken care of by MI6, which removed that weight but it did mean he was dependent on them, they could take the house away. Once after refusing to come in for a mission they’d turned off his power so without any way to heat the house, cook or do anything and it being winter, Alex had quickly given up his fight and gone in. He didn’t have to worry about the house, but while he lived at it, he was easily at MI6’s mercy.

Alex took a long sip of his coffee and put in the details of the underground ticket he’d bought, and it deducted like he knew it would and he was faced with an all too depressing figure. It would still be a few days before money came in and he was a little thankful for his hospital stay, it certainly had created a lot of bother, but if it hadn’t been for it, Alex wasn’t sure how he’d have budgeted. There was enough food to get him to that point but barely. He couldn’t help but think it was truly depressing that a suicide attempt had prevented him from having to make something like three biscuits last two breakfasts instead of one. 

Pushing all of this aside, he knew he needed to dedicate himself over the next few days to getting a job. He would be useless to MI6 for a little while, at least until the cast on the arm was off, and without a mission it meant stretching the money further. They tended to give more when there was a little drier spell in missions, never enough to not be watching every penny and certainly never enough to save, but with what happened being something he had done to himself, he was sure there would be some punishment for it. So he really needed a job.

Unsurprisingly this wasn’t the first time Alex had been searching a job, as soon as he’d been passably sixteen, he had searched for work, he’d answered tutoring ads on gumtree for the languages he spoke - these had been good, they were usually alright money and never needed firm hours. But these came and went, and it wasn’t near an exam period so he’d check but it was likely to be dry. He got jobs in places that didn’t ask that many questions, who didn’t care if he didn’t turn up after a few weeks of work. These weren’t jobs he could put on a CV and they paid poorly but he took what he could. At officially sixteen he could apply for slightly better jobs since he would now legally be allowed to work there, but given that he could never give notice to them when he’d be away for a long period the jobs he tended to go for were still not ones for a CV. 

It didn’t help either that his area of London wasn’t usually where the sorts of jobs he went for were, half of his money ended up on travel, but whatever he could get was better than nothing. He flitted between the tabs on the computer, putting on some light lofi music from youtube, checking some of the emails for any job offer returns, and flicking through gumtree. Alex had to be so very careful in all this, some of the people he worked with had far less luck than he did as they used gumtree. He didn’t get to be picky but he had to be careful.

He lightly sipped his coffee and was slow to eat the biscuits he had to make them last, making it feel more like a proper breakfast. Maybe with what was left he could get some food? There wasn’t enough for much...and it would be a trek to the nearest affordable store...but..maybe after everything he needed a bit of a treat, maybe after everything, the plain pasta or plain rice that was going to make up his next few meals wasn’t enough. 

Alex still felt pretty stiff and his body still hurt pretty badly, but it would be worth it….It wasn’t like he could do anything besides sit on the computer looking for work, or sleeping. He wasn’t really tired and the jobs would still be there when he got back...Decision made, the teen finished his coffee and ate every crumb of the biscuits before getting ready to go out. Just on the off chance, he took a copy of his CV, couldn’t harm him to see if there was any work. It wouldn’t the first time he tried but he didn’t have the time to feel ashamed of how desperate he seemed. 

\----

Getting to the nearby tesco was indeed a bit of a trek for Alex, it was close enough that normally he could walk with ease, but with his ankle it took double the time it was supposed to. He ended up having to sit on the bench outside of the store for a good five minutes to get his breath back. He didn’t have a choice, wouldn’t have had a choice. It wasn’t like MI6 would’ve let him leave the hospital with a guardian or minder. He’d have been on his own anyway, he’d just brought it forward by a few days and without any proper medication just left over pills and over the counter paracetamol, neither of which he’d taken. 

Alex was certainly ignoring the whole thing with Wolf and Snake, that wouldn’t have been an option that MI6 would’ve allowed anyway. Why bother entertaining pipe dreams?

Once he was felt a little more ready Alex got to his feet. He stumbled a little, and embarrassingly was stopped from completely falling by a slightly elderly woman leaving the store. They were quick to ask if he was okay, he noted that they looked at the bruising, at the cast on his arm, and as quickly as he could Alex shook their grasp and told them politely yes and thank you before heading inside, trying to hide how bad he was limping but he knew it would be badly pronounced. He grabbed a basket, and from Ian’s old jumper took out the notepad and pen he’d brought with him to budget. His phone worked but he didn’t want to over use it and tempt fate for it to break more; despite what his GCSE grades said, he wasn’t completely awful at maths, he could do some simple sums without a calculator.

He had his budget at the top of the page and knew he would have to really carefully count this out. The first thing he grabbed were bananas, he needed some fresh fruit, that was good for recovery, and he made sure to get the cheapest, largest and most green looking bananas. It meant he spent longer to find what he needed but it was necessary. He placed the item in the basket and then wrote down the price. He went to the bargain food section, and managed to find some yoghurts where it was missing one of the pack of six, it was a fraction of the price….he could afford that. 

Alex continued to make his way through the store, he tended to come to this shop in the middle of the night, when there were fewer prying eyes. But today, it was just after midday and the store was busy, Alex was having to be careful to avoid people and not end up on the floor. But other patrons who took one look at him, seemed to move out of the way. 

Alex picked a couple more items, something for that evening that was a little more nutritious than what he’d planned, but likely not by much, though it would last a few meals and he picked out a loaf of bread, that was his budget reached. He had stopped himself in front of the chocolate and sweets aisle. It had been a while since he’d had a true treat, the biscuits were rich tea biscuits, they weren’t exactly filled with flavour, but all of this was so expensive...He looked at his basket, considering putting the cheap yoghurts back just so he could grab one of the share packs of chocolate buttons. But he couldn’t. The yoghurts would last longer...they were better for him. They were the smarter choice, they were the adult choice. 

Much to his horror as he stood in this aisle staring at the chocolate, the decision made his eyes welled with frustrated tears. He was so tired of having to be an adult. But he didn’t let it overwhelm him, shoving it all down and just started moving again, keeping his gaze down and wiping his eyes against his sleeve furiously. 

Alex went straight to the self checkout and just focused his attention on getting the items scanned and paying. He thanked his memory that he was able to remember to bring a bag with him. Having to carry the things back in his arms would’ve tempt fate too heavily. He took out his debit card and went to the tap payment, waiting for a nervous moment before the machine processed it and accepted his payment method. The relief that rushed through him threatened to bring back the earlier tears, so he shoved it away as quickly as it had come. But there was still something left for Alex to do. 

“Hi, erm...can I speak to the manager,” he had approached one of the counters near the entrance of the store, speaking to the worker behind it. He’d done this before, likely to the same person. He didn’t do this every time he came to the store but had on a steady enough basis done it since he’d turned sixteen. The worker flagged the familiar looking manager quickly, and Alex knew he’d definitely dealt with this man before. The man rolled his eyes upon seeing the familiar teen blonde.

“Kid,”

The man started, noting as he approached the state of the kid in front but Alex shook his head at the man, not wanting him to mention it. He reached into his pocket and took out his CV, holding it out to the manager. 

“Just if anything comes up,”

He hated how his hand was shaking lightly, hated the way the manager was looking at him. Hated how ashamed he was feeling for doing this again. 

“Can you travel?”

Alex was surprised by the question. That wasn’t what he usually said.

“Yeah,”

He replied quickly, trying to read the man’s expression to find out why he was asking, but all he could see was pity reflected in the man’s gaze. He couldn’t look at that for long. 

“There’s a new tesco express opening, it’s a few stops over on the underground, but they’re looking for some people to start soon, like near immediately. Can you...with all that..can you start working in a few days?”

“Yes. Yes I can,”

Alex hated how desperate he sounded, how quickly he had answered. 

“I’ll pass your information along….it’s not a guarantee...I’ll say you really need the work,”

Alex fought the urge to argue back, to snap at the man and tell his pity to shove it, because this was too good an opportunity to turn down, no matter how much pity filled the man’s tone. Work at a store wouldn’t pay much, but it would pay more than any of the other jobs that Alex could find. It wouldn’t matter that it was a bit far, this was too good to pass up. 

“Thanks”

“No problem kid, you eh...take care of yourself, yeah?”

Alex just nodded not wanting to say more and left the Tesco. This was maybe going to be okay for a bit, if this worked out. He hoped and prayed to whatever, if any, deity was listening for just a tiny bit of luck. 

\------

The trek home was done with a much lighter heart, he knew he would still spend the rest of the day applying for different jobs just in case it fell through and he needed to rest his ankle if he was to work hopefully in a few days but he couldn’t help but feel a little hopeful. A rare feeling.

As soon he got home, he took the time to put the few things away; putting the bread in the freezer, all but one of the yoghurts into the fridge and the bananas into the empty and slightly dusty fruit basket. Alex changed into more comfortable clothes and began making another cup of coffee. He took the laptop and it’s charger back to the living room, he went to his bedroom and grabbed the phone that was sitting where he’d left it the day before. He stopped, glancing towards the blanket on the mirror, that would be nice while he was on the couch but he decided against it, instead just deciding he would keep the jumper on. It wasn’t that the house was cold, it was the end of July, but he liked the comfort it provided him. 

With everything he would need, a cup of fresh coffee and the yoghurt, Alex got himself settled on the sofa. His leg propped up on a cushion on the coffee table, and the laptop propped up on his lap, he began mindlessly scrolling the jobs as the tv in the background played whatever drivel was on. Just something as background noise. Alex didn’t watch much tv any more, mostly he watched the news, it was good to keep somewhat informed….usually if something was happening, he could expect a call. 

He clicked on to his emails and noticed there was a new one from Tom. Alex could admit that though it was his only friend, he wasn’t very good at keeping in contact, and between the last mission, the aftermath of that last mission and the whole taxis thing, he hadn’t reached out in a while. It was a simple email he’d received, just asking if he was okay. Alex hesitated with it open. Before he replied.

‘Yeah, I’m okay,’

Was all he put. He knew it wasn’t a very good email, that even to him, it just screamed that he wasn’t okay. But, it was the only lie he could muster. Things were looking up, but as positive as Alex could be about how the day had been and how good this could be for him, he knew he wasn’t okay. But, Alex sent it anyway and just logged out of his emails. He could check them later. He watched the TV blankly, letting the noise wash over him, but he snapped himself out of it, and took the time to eat the yoghurt, resisting the urge to wolf the whole thing down in a few spoonfuls. But it was still gone in next to no time, and it took away the worst of the growing hunger he’d been feeling. 

After a good hour of job applications, he was interrupted when his phone started ringing next to him. Alex froze immediately. He took the phone and squinted at the number..it couldn’t be them? It couldn’t….with shaking hands he answered the call and raised the phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Mr Rider, we’re calling to remind you that you have an appointment with the bank on the 27th of August at 9am.”

Before Alex could say anything to contradict it, or even get a syllable out, the person on the other end hung up. He remained frozen. A month….he had a month….if it was for a mission then he only had a month to work as much as possible to have money saved for his return….It couldn’t be for a mission though….the doctor had said six weeks before he’d be fully, completely healed. He wouldn’t be ready.

The yoghurt felt uncomfortable in his stomach. His hands were shaking and he was barely able to place the phone down. With shaking hands he moved the laptop off his lap, and as calmly as he could he rushed to the bathroom. He lifted the toilet seat and collapsed to his knees as the coffee and yoghurt came rushing back up. Tears squeezed out of his eyes as he heaved and vomited ungracefully into the toilet. He sobbed between heaves, gripped the toilet seat with both hands. He didn’t know how long he remained there, heaving and vomiting until there was nothing left to bring up. He didn’t get up, just stayed on the floor trying to calm himself. But even though the vomiting and heaving had stopped his heart hammered all too quickly and he could barely get a breath in. He couldn’t do this...he didn’t want to do another mission...he didn’t feel at all ready.

“FUCK” 

He yelled loudly. All good feelings gone, all hope dashed, he wished for Jack...for Ian...for anyone to just share his burdens with. Anyone to just protect him and god, anyone who could help him out of his dire life but there wasn’t anyone.

\-----

Two days later, he got a call from the manager at the tesco express with the job offer and despite knowing it was pointless, Alex accepted. No matter if MI6 wanted him back in a month, he still had to try to save money, he still had to eat. 

He still had to live somehow, no matter how loudly those feelings prior to the taxi were demanding to be felt.


	5. Slow Searches

The door slammed heavily behind Wolf as he made his way into his flat. The place was much more lived in than it had been a few weeks before, even months before. The cupboards were stocked to the brim with food, surfaces were slightly busy and dirty, though there was no longer any dust. There were clothes and items strewn about a bit everywhere, the place looked lived in. It was perhaps a little on the messy side than he would’ve generally let it get to, but there were bigger things at hand than how tidy his flat was. 

Wolf could hear two voices in the kitchen, he yelled a quick greeting before he went to the shower. Each morning, like clockwork Wolf went for a run, and usually it was quite easy to discern where his mood was at by how he ran. Today it had been a little shorter than his average run time, but he’d kept a much quicker pace. This was a steady trend for his runs over the last two weeks. 

Wolf showered quickly and went to his bedroom to change. 

The flat was not a large space, two bedrooms, a bathroom, a combined kitchen and living area with a small balcony. It was good enough for him. They didn’t make a lot of money in the SAS but he made enough to really comfortably afford this place with money left over. The spare bedroom had become a K-Unit sleeping hub, there was always at least one of them over, sometimes two. Sometimes all three if they ended up drinking. He was seeing these men far more than he tended to between deployments but he hated it a lot less than he had thought he might. He would even have to admit ~~if~~ when they found Cub, he’d miss the constant company; perhaps it was time to revisit his rule about his normal life and the SAS not mixing much. 

Wolf’s family was not large, he was an only child, his father had passed away when he’d been relatively young and he’d lost touch with his mother over the years. They had never been particularly close, she had higher standards and expectations of him than army and SAS life. It had been a while since he’d even called her. He loathed to admit that the company in his usually empty flat was welcome even if the circumstances weren’t. 

Every day since the boy had escaped the hospital, Wolf ended up just thankfully that they hadn’t found his body. The more they dug into his life, the more he couldn’t help but see why...understand a little better why. So, with that, he’d grown more worried with each passing day that they’d only ever find his body. 

Wolf sighed and sat down on his bed. He grabbed his phone and unlocked it, checking his emails, his messages. The kid had reached out by post before, he was unlikely to suddenly send an email or text of the same vein as the postcard, but Wolf checked for it anyway. There was nothing...spam, messages from his network provider, the group conversations from K-Unit which had happened during his run, a message from some person he’d been on a date with from before he’d left. He did check the messages in the group chat, mostly to just get rid of the notification. 

Wolf got dressed and went to the kitchen, where thankfully there was a fresh cup of coffee waiting for him. His kitchen table had been taken over entirely by the unit’s laptops, by whatever scraps of paper about Alex’s life they could find, and bits of rubbish, they didn’t keep it tidy. 

“Anything new?”

Wolf asked the Eagle and Snake as he sat down.

“Nothing. We’ve hit another dead end,” Disappointment laced the scottish man’s voice. 

“Though we expected to,”

The team had found little bits and pieces about who Alex was, they’d found the same information the doctor had, been pushed back in a similar manner by social services who despite Wolf being sure that they’d need to be somewhat involved when the emancipated teen got hurt, Wolf got rebuffed in every argument he made. The documentation was legal, binding and social services by their account didn’t need to get involved. Wolf had nearly punched a hole in the wall with how frustrated with those bureaucrats he’d gotten. 

They had managed to find out about the boy’s parents and how they’d died. They’d all expected that given the circumstances there was no family around, but it was still hardly fun to find out about their death and even less so when they’d done the maths and realised that Cub hadn’t even been a year old when it happened. Wolf hadn’t known his dad long but he still had a few memories of him, he couldn’t imagine how it would feel to grow up with no memories of either parent. 

It had been a bit of a wild stroke of chance that they’d found the article about his parents - specifically that Eagle had found it - they’d been looking for any Rider in the London area from the last 17 years. The local paper which had run the story on a John and Helen Rider had a picture as part of the article, and the man had been unmistakably an older version of Cub. A copy of the article was centered on the table. It was however the furthest they’d gotten following that thread. They hadn’t been able to find much else about John Rider, or the woman - Alex’s mother - he’d married. There was little information on the boy himself, he wasn’t mentioned by name in the article, but it indicated that the pair had left behind a child, he was not in the picture, though the picture was clearly scaled down and cropped. 

They had found a record of Alex’s birth, but the year and place had been redacted. There was a nursery school registration form, but that too, had been redacted, bar the kid’s name and the guardian's signature, an Ian Rider, who was impossible to find any information on. Any information they got had so clearly been tampered with that it meant they never got far with it. 

“Wolf, listen….”

Snake started slowly, he sighed a little as Wolf met his gaze with a sternness, challenging the man to say what he was about to say. 

“Just what if….we saw him, we heard what the doctor said, the kid was in a bad place, a really bad place, he’s also clearly smart and resourceful. If he worked for MI6 in some capacity he probably knows how to hide..”

The room fell silent, only the vague humming of household appliances and the world outside sounded. 

“What if he left London and found a field to die in?”

Wolf shook his head. He didn’t know Cub, he could admit that his knowledge of the boy was limited to the few interactions they’d had, but he couldn’t see the kid disappearing like that to just go die. The postcard was proof enough of that. It had been so carefully planned...so that no one would question who he was, so that he wasn’t completely lost in death. 

“He wouldn’t. I can’t explain why I think that, but he wouldn’t. Just everything was so planned, he reached out, told me his name, told me exactly where he’d be. He made sure he had an ID on him so they’d know. He wanted to die, but he didn’t want to die….faceless..forgotten,” 

Wolf sighed. Taking a moment to pause in what he was saying. 

“If he worked for MI6 in some capacity, with the way Fox talks about them…..I can’t imagine he’s got or had much control of his life, I don’t imagine they care about him as Alex Rider. Can you blame a kid for desperately wanting to keep his identity in death? If he tries again he probably won’t reach out but I don’t see him not engineering a way that people who find him couldn’t find out at least his name,”

He didn’t look at his teammates when he finished, just kept his gaze on the coffee as he slowly drank it. The other two went back to work in silence as Wolf drank. He eventually finished the coffee and just placed it down on a coaster on the table. He looked at what they had so far. 

The man picked up one of the few bits of mostly non-redacted information they’d found. Fox just happened to know that Cub would’ve likely sat his GCSEs not that long ago, and they’d been able to get a copy of the results. It had been a bit of luck and Wolf thought that it was also in part due to poor oversight from where they’d got it. 

He held up the printed copy of the results, it didn’t include anything that important, the boy’s name, the classes and their grading, there was no more information, not a school name or an address, nothing to help find him. The results themselves were not good, Wolf hadn’t really applied himself either at the GSCE phase, working much more on his A-Levels, but even his grades were better than Cub’s. Cub was smart, he had to be, agents for MI6 had to be but these grades didn’t reflect it. So either this was fabricated or as Fox had suggested perhaps he’d just missed so much school that there’d been no chance for him to develop the skills necessary to answer the exam questions. Notably, the german and spanish classes were at 7s, the highest of grades. They had tried to contact nearly every school with a public number in the London area and none of them had or were willing to say they had a record of an Alex Rider being present currently or previously at their school so it had led nowhere too. 

Wolf wasn’t sure what that meant, how Cub could be involved in MI6 with such poor grades, why he wasn’t in school? Why, if he was in school had no one reached out to any authority during his hospital visit to ask about why he wasn’t turning up to class? Schools did that? Right? Wolf just thought that every time they found a tiny piece of the puzzle it just resulted in twenty more questions and made even less sense. 

He put down the paper and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He didn’t want to give up but, all of the routes they were taking weren’t getting them anywhere. He didn’t want to accept defeat of any kind, but perhaps it was time to change tactics. They hadn’t so far used the SAS weight, but perhaps it was time to use some of those channels. They hadn’t wanted to kick up too much dust as they looked for him, though there was no doubt in his mind that MI6 weren’t aware of them looking for him, but turning to those SAS channels would mark the search as far more serious. 

The silence and work continued, Wolf booted up his own laptop and began to go through the emails again. There was nothing new of note there. But he wasn’t working for long when the door to his house swung open suddenly, and a red faced Fox entered the room. 

“I spotted him, I saw him!”

The man said excitedly between taking large gulps of air. The three other men who had stood up, posed and ready for a fight at the sudden noise, all shared a look of confusion, which was in each, a moment after the other, followed by one of understanding. It seemed like the room exploded in noise. All of the men demanded questions and Fox being unable to answer them quickly enough. 

“STOP, SHUT UP,” 

Wolf yelled loudly, silencing all of the men. 

“Let me go make sure the door is closed, Eagle, make some coffee, Fox catch your breath back, Snake, help him,”

He didn’t say anything more, just went to the front door which Fox had of course left open in his hurried entrance. The door usually remained unlocked and any of the men could just walk in without needing a key. They all had fobs to the building just to make things easier during this search, but once all the men were there, or at the end of the day, Wolf would make sure to properly and securely lock the door. 

When he returned, he helped carry the fresh cups of coffee to the table for those who didn’t have ones and everyone sat down. Fox had an empty glass beside him which clearly had just had water in it but they were all sat and Wolf forced his hands on to his knees to stop his legs from bouncing in anticipation.

“Spill” He demanded finally.

“I only caught a glimpse of him, he was heading out the underground and then disappeared down one of the streets, but I know it was him, like ninety nine percent sure. He had the bruising on the side of his face like you said he would, it’s faded but there’s still some distinct discolouration. He had a cast on his arm. It was him,”

Wolf felt himself sigh in relief. The kid was alive. He was alive. He was actually alive. The thought of never finding him, the thought of only finding his body, the thought of never finding out what had happened to him had plagued his mind, and while this didn’t mean much, it was finally a step in the right direction for this search, the step in the right direction to help him. But before he could ask anything Fox continued.

“It was pure luck. He was wearing a work uniform, it looked like tesco colours. He must work at one of the tescos near to that underground stop given the time of day, it would be unlikely he was finishing his shift,”

“How did he seem?” Wolf asked.

Fox hesitated slightly, of course they all knew that he would still be injured, Fox had even said as much. But at the question he seemed shy, nervous to reply. His fingers drummed against the table as he looked between the men. His gaze settled on Wolf before he sighed. 

“I haven’t seen Alex in almost two years...so...I might just remember him wrong and I didn’t get a great look at him. But he didn’t seem well….”

“Well of course not, he got hit by a taxi like four weeks ago,”

Wolf snapped at him. 

“No, I know, but it was like on top of that. Just you know, from what I saw, he seemed tired, worn to the bone. He was wearing a work jacket, and I don’t know if it was just big on him or if he was just small,”

Wolf recalled how the boy had looked at the hospital, besides the injuries, he had seemed tired, he had been thinner than he would’ve assumed a boy his age would be, he’d not really been paying attention to that, more drawn to Alex in general, more drawn to the bruising, to the cast. 

But then he remembered something from his bundle of mail from that fateful day.

“There’s a small Tesco, an express one which opened a few streets over, some of the local community tried to rally against it, said it would take money away from local shops. I know they had a real bother getting local people to work there,”

Wolf replied with a very clinical tone as he turned to his laptop and opened up facebook. He took a few clicks and was able to find the local community group he had joined, the group which seemed rather dead now but it clearly had been opposing the store. He turned the laptop to his friends and let them look at it. 

It meant they would need to speak to Alex either at work or when he was leaving work. He knew it wasn’t particularly good, ambushing someone at their place of work, where it was likely that they couldn’t just walk away, but Wolf didn’t think that there would be any other way to approach him.

“Why’s he gone and got a job at Tesco if he works for MI6?”

Eagle voiced. 

“Maybe he was let go? Maybe it was recent, which would help explain partly why he might try to kill himself….pulling someone out of the only thing they know and dumping them back into the real world..If he had some PTSD before it, which is likely, something like that might’ve just worsened it. Might also explain reaching out to Wolf..a connection to that life,”

Snake reasoned. 

“The question is how are we going to approach him? If that job is his only income then we can’t have him getting so spooked by us that he doesn’t go back.”

“I’ll just start going into the shop. I can change my running route, and pass it. Grab something from it..eventually he’ll be there, and then it just looks like I ran into him randomly. It’ll help too if the other workers can vouch and say I’m local...or frequent.”

Wolf paused, it would mean mixing up when he went for his runs too, they had no idea when his shifts would be, or how many he had in a week. But just turning up and demanding to see him, or spying on the place wasn’t a good idea. They also couldn’t all go together, Wolf would have to go alone. 

“Once I manage to speak to him, I’ll explain that we just want to help him. I’ll invite him back for dinner, kid’s hardly going to turn down a free meal right? Maybe then there can be all of us, or maybe just me and one other...I don’t want to overload him, but I don’t want to hide that we’re all in this.” Wolf said, and that was the plan made.

\----

A whole week passed since they’d found him, and Wolf had not once seen the boy. He kept to the plan, running at different points in the day, always going into the store for something small, striking up polite conversations with the employees and the manager. It didn’t seem like there were that many workers but somehow none of his runs had lined up with Alex being there. 

Fox had managed to catch a glance of him another time while leaving the underground, so they knew he was still there but he hadn’t seen him. Wolf felt frustrated with it, but he knew eventually things would change, the kid couldn’t avoid him forever. He had noted that a few people in his flat block now glared at him when they saw him carrying something visibly from Tesco, and he’d been removed from the community group against the store, and while he felt a little bad, he was too focused on the plan to care about what they thought. 

Wolf’s run that day had been much later than he had previously planned, the unit had been briefly called in by command to discuss leave and to discuss when they would be going to be redeployed, it would be a number of months before they were, but it was necessary to plan. They hadn’t brought up anything to do with Cub, and kept the meeting pretty standard. 

The unit had decided to pull the search back until they’d been able to speak to him. No sense in digging while they knew where he was. But the meeting had reminded Wolf that even if he found him, and the boy accepted his help, he wasn’t really in a position to do much, especially if he was to ship out soon enough. He was also only about 11 years his senior. But that was a bridge for another day. 

Wolf slowed his running down to a walk and entered the store, he greeted the kid behind the counter who was quick to greet him back, that particular boy was there most often and had asked a lot of questions about work out routine, what he did for a living and then about the army when Wolf had answered the other question, he was a bit tiring but it helped Wolf’s plan. He ventured into the store, he had a way of checking the store - it didn’t take long, it was a small shop after all - but today unlike the other days, there at the cupboard produce aisle was the exact boy he was looking for. 

“Cub?”

Wolf said half with surprise and he watched as the teen flinched, startled, moving quickly away from the basket he’d been emptying on to the shelf. Wolf was able to get a proper look at the kid and he almost regretted the decision. Fox’s assessment was right...he didn’t look well. He held himself like the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

The bruising was gone from around his face but in its place was a darkness around his eyes, indicating nights without sleep, his gaze again seemed too old for his youthful face. There was still the cast on his arm, but that seemed to be the only visible injury he had left. 

Wolf noted that he seemed to swim in the uniform, the boy had seemed slim in hospital, but here he looked thin, horribly thin...Wolf fought the urge to angrily bundle the boy in a blanket and take him to his flat to have a bowl of soup and get some sleep. 

“Leave me alone Wolf,”

The boy growled at him, the surprise was gone and with strength that Wolf hadn’t thought he’d had Alex shoved Wolf. Wolf took a step back but didn’t leave. 

“Kid, I live round here, I shop here,”

“I know you do, don’t think this is the first time I’ve seen you in here. Fuck,”

“Look, I don’t want to ambush you at work. But seeing you, I’m worried. You should be at home, just now getting back into the world. I can help you kid, just let me,”

“Wolf, I appreciate the sentiment, but you can’t help me. Not that I need or want your help....Just, fuck Wolf, just let me work in peace.”

“When does your shift end? Come back to mine, let me get some food in you and you can sleep in the spare room, you look beat,”

“NO! FUCK! Stop trying to help me!”

The boy was clearly angry, he seemed to be a moment away from a breakdown and Wolf didn’t want to push him too far. He put his arms up in surrender and took a clear step back before the boy could shove him again. Wolf had seen him, he could come back every day and make the same offer. 

“Fine, okay, I’ll back off for now. But, Cub...Alex, I’m here, you know where I am,”

Wolf really wanted to give the boy his number, but by the look on his face, that would certainly drive him over the edge and he really didn’t want to scare him off. He just retreated and for the first time all week he left the store without buying anything. 

But he wasn’t leaving empty handed...he’d seen Alex, spoken with him. He could help him, Alex just had to agree. Wolf had never failed a mission yet and he wasn’t going to let Cub slip through his fingers again. 

It didn’t matter that he was just recently back into his life..that until that postcard he hadn’t given the boy any thought since..well the appendicitis card he’d sent two years prior or the possibility of shipping out was in his future.

He wasn’t going to let Cub go so easily, not when he finally knew where he was and when it was so clear to him that he needed some help.


	6. A Breath of Normality

The moment Wolf left Alex all but collapsed to the floor of the shop, unable to stop his breathing coming in a rapid and uncontrolled manner, unable to stop his hands from shaking from the pent up emotions of seeing him, of that element of his life which he had pushed away. 

When Alex had found out where this shop was he had almost turned the job down, but having heard nothing back from anything else he hadn’t had much of a choice - what were the chances he told himself. Then after two weeks of nothing, not seeing him once, he had watched from a corner of the store as the man walked in. He was so relieved to be able to quickly slip into the back unnoticed. Ever since then he always dodged out of the way, and had been so unable to relax at work each of the days he came in. But with the date for MI6 looming, and the havoc that caused on his sleep he just hadn’t been paying attention enough today. 

Alex willed himself to get it together, to get off the floor and just get back to work, before anyone saw, but of course bad things always happened in threes, so hearing his boss yell out his name and rush to him was exactly the opposite of what he wanted. Bad thing number two. He couldn’t stop himself from quickly jerking away from the man’s outstretched hand, and moving further away from him. He wanted to tell the man to not touch him, but it seemed the jerking away did that plenty and he couldn’t exactly yell at his boss.

“Kid, calm down, it’s okay,”

Alex tried to say something, but his breathing was just coming in short breaths and words seemed impossible. He just nodded his head jerkily. 

“It’s not busy, why don’t you head home?”

Alex looked at the man with an alarmed and questioning gaze, if he didn’t do the hours he wouldn’t get the money. Bad thing number three. 

“No, I can work. I can work,”

His breath came in short bursts, the words came out short and panicked, he tried to get to his feet but he couldn’t quite find the strength. 

“You can’t. Go home. Get some sleep, you’re due back in tomorrow anyway,”

Alex didn’t want to lose the hours but he knew that he would be pretty useless for the rest of the shift. He watched the man extend his hand to Alex, and reluctantly he reached out and took it. Letting himself be pulled to his feet. He didn’t need to be told a third time to go home, lest the man start getting annoyed with him. He went to the cloak room, grabbed his jumper, clocked out and headed home. He wasn’t exactly happy but he knew as soon as he got home and could close the door between him and the world outside he’d feel better. 

The journey home wasn’t too long, just over a half hour if the underground arrived at the time when he got to the station. Alex was far more mobile now, his ankle had given him trouble for a while, but slowly the limp had faded. There was still a general stiffness to him, but he’d slowly brought back his home workout routine which was helping. Nothing too strenuous, and things that could be done avoiding his arm and ankle. With a date that MI6 needed him back by, and his fitness being vital at times to saving his life, he couldn’t slack off that much, even injured. 

Alex walked into his home. He pulled off the jacket and slipped on Ian’s old jumper. It had long since stopped smelling like the man, but the comfort it provided him just by once being Ian’s was still pretty significant. He slipped off his shoes and padded on hole filled socks to the kitchen. His stomach had been complaining all day, especially during the lunch rush when he’d watched seemingly everyone but him eat. Despite working a job, it had been utterly depressing to learn that he wouldn’t be getting any money until the end of the month. Tesco didn’t pay until the end of the month, his manager had said and it didn’t matter how few other procedures the shop followed this was the one thing it did do.

Alex wondered if he would even get paid if he didn’t complete a month’s worth of shifts...the meeting with MI6 was exactly two days before he’d have been there officially a month so he wasn't sure. The teen filled the kettle with water and began making some tea. He’d run out of coffee the day before, but he didn’t mind tea, it was more than he preferred coffee. The teen went to the fridge and took out the other half of the pasta he’d made the day before and put it into the microwave. The money from MI6 had not stretched far this month. Alex seriously wondered if they just didn’t know how much it cost to live even when just one person. He might have been just barely been okay with the amount if he wasn’t needing to spend some of it on an underground month ticket to be able to go to work. It wasn’t like he could walk and he couldn’t cycle that distance, or couldn’t have. The job and that money would follow would hopefully be worth it.

Most of the groceries he’d bought had been small, cheap, poor nutritional meals. He split everything in two, but even in rationing it all out like that, he was looking at near bare cupboards by the meeting with MI6 and depending on how that went would decide how he had to live for the days until the month ended. 

Alex did try to pace himself with the pasta, but it was not something he managed. The pasta was plain, some of the last ketchup poured on top and the tea was without milk and only the smallest amount of sugar. A rather sorry looking dinner made worse as the entire meal was gone in a matter of minutes. He sighed slightly, staring at the empty plate, feeling a little nauseous, something that had been happening often recently. It made him feel terrible, he didn’t have the food to be wasting by vomiting. 

Alex remained sitting in silence looking at the room. He was trying to figure out what Wolf wanted, why it seemed that he hadn’t let it go..he didn’t understand. He’d expected the man to be annoyed with him, he’d expected the man to call him a coward, to say get angry at him leaving the hospital but ultimately never think of him again. Once again, Wolf was surprising him by acting the complete opposite way from how he’d thought. 

The teen moved out of the seat and was quick to wash the plate and cup. He walked upstairs and despite the fact it was early evening he got ready for bed. The bandages that had been around his chest were gone, all of the bruising had vanished and all that was left was the cast on his arm. Alex didn’t glance in the bathroom mirror as he washed up, just did each of the steps of his routine and then went to bed. He placed the phone on change and as he lay down on the bed for a few minutes checked his emails and messages. 

There was another email from Tom, the second one in two weeks but unlike the last one, no matter how bad he felt, Alex deleted it without reading. Tom didn’t need him in his life. He was probably enjoying doing his A levels, probably had new friends at sixth form. Didn’t need someone like him dragging him down. Alex knew he was a bad friend anyway so it was better if just pulled away now. Save his friend some heartache by ghosting him now. 

He scrolled mindlessly through the news apps, squinting to be able to read them properly. But after only a few minutes, and his mind lingering on Tom a little he put the phone to sleep and then turned on the bed to face the wall in his room. He stared blankly at it for a moment. His stomach grumbled hungrily and he pressed his hands to it. Maybe it wouldn’t be bad to take Wolf up on his offer. Now he felt a little calmer and less startled, it didn’t seem like a bad thing, but reaching out wouldn’t change the situation he was in. His meeting with MI6 was in a week and when that happened, he knew he’d likely be sent on a mission so reaching out now when he was just going to leave so soon was pointless. 

Alex scrunched his eyes closed as waves of memories from his last mission crashed over him. He didn’t want to do another mission. He didn’t think he had it in him. Alex hadn’t really contemplated killing himself much since the hospital, nothing more than a fleeting thought, but the thought of doing another mission….maybe if he just let himself be careless. Who would care anyway? Tom likely hated him, Wolf just felt bad because he was still alive, so if the mission killed him no one would even miss him. He wouldn’t even have to do anything, he’d just let whatever mad man he faced do it. 

Alex curled into himself on the bed, he pressed his face into the pillow and let the emotions overwhelm him for a moment, sobs and tears wracked his body. He was usually stronger than this..he had managed most of the last few weeks with minimal instances of this, but the emotions of the day had brought them all forward and he hadn’t been able to hold any of it back. 

In the quiet of his house, in the safety of his own bed, hiding under his duvet, was where the emotions were most likely to overwhelm him. 

And overwhelm him they did that night.

\----

Before he knew it, it was the day before his meeting with MI6. The week had passed slowly and with each day he had been more and more on edge. His hands wouldn’t stop their slight shaking, something which had been slowly increasing as the day got closer. He still went to work while he could, where his boss seemed to be watching him suspiciously, asking all too many times in a day if he was ‘doing alright” but Alex couldn’t be frustrated with him, not while he held his future possible survival in his hands. If by some miracle the meeting with MI6 was not to send him on a mission he would need this job. This was a proper job, no matter how it didn’t seem to follow much of the standard for a Tesco. He didn’t have high hopes for that outcome being the case but he couldn’t work on assumptions either. 

Each of the days he’d been at work this week, Wolf had come in, Alex no longer hid from him, there was no point. On the first day he’d greeted Alex with a wave, the second he’d actually said hi, on the third he got Alex involved almost in a discussion with one of his co-workers; the longest discussion Alex had had with the co-worker since he’d started. Each day Wolf had made a point of meeting and speaking to Alex. Alex knew what Wolf was doing, he was being visible and there, he was reminding him each day without saying anything specific that he was there….there to maybe help if Alex just allowed him to. It was frustrating. He didn’t know how to act around it, he didn’t know what to say but increasingly over the last week he’d been inclined to say yes and just at minimum take Wolf up on his original offer. 

Partly because he was running very low on just about everything, had next to no viable food. Though he knew he could probably swipe something for dinner or just a little something to eat from the shop, but he didn’t. His boss had impressed to him how little he would tolerate theft and really it didn’t matter that his skills would lend him to doing it without getting caught he just didn’t want to risk it. But, running low for Alex was not a good thing. 

The last week had not exactly been filled to the brim with food, the portions had gotten smaller and smaller, he’d been on a solid(ish) one meal a day for the beginning of the month, that had dwindled, now he didn’t have anything. Part of him was a little worried, he knew on missions there wasn’t always time for food. If he was captured they were likely to deny him food to a degree which in his state wouldn’t be good nor would he last long. Arguable not something he was sure he’d mind but it would be painful.

His stomach already had an empty gnawing feeling, but he pushed it aside, desperately trying to ignore it in favour of working. Distract himself from what was to come.

Alex was slower today, he knew his eyes lingered on the items he put away, on the people who came and went in the store. He knew he stared more at the world outside the doors of the shop. It wasn’t that he was enjoying it, but he was savouring these moments, this almost normality of his life before it was gone. But really, he just felt like a dead man...a dead teen and in thinking about that he was thinking about his life.

He deeply regretted the GCSE grades, he deeply regretted saying yes to the first mission, he deeply regretted letting Jack get drawn in, he regretted that he’d been so frustrated and confused that he’d let himself come back from America. He regretted how bad things had gotten.

“You alright there Cub?”

Alex hadn’t realised Wolf had approached him, he was standing next to him, not unlike the first time they spoke in this store and not unlike the first time Alex was startled by it but this time didn’t shove Wolf away. Alex felt like he was swaying slightly and he’d just been staring at the canned tomato in his hand, not actually putting it away. He’d been thinking of hiding it to take, he could make a soup with this. He looked at the man, who didn’t seem dressed in his usual running outfit that Alex had become accustomed to. He had a basket with a few items from the store, it seemed clear that he was getting things to make some kind of dinner. Alex could spot a bottle of wine in the basket. 

“Yeah, fine. Who agreed to have dinner with you?”

He answered shortly and he put the tinned can on the shelf, grabbing the next one. In truth he was a little jealous, this man had a life outside of their interactions, a good one too it seemed. Alex just wanted a little of that. Wolf was going to eat a meal with likely friends, and Alex was going to go home to nothing and no one. And god was he hungry. He looked to Wolf for an answer to his question or for the man to go away, he had expected him to snap or get frustrated with Alex’s tone, for his words but he didn’t, instead the man just laughed lightly and then shrugged. 

“Just the rest of K-Unit. You sure you’re alright, you look real pale.”

Alex laughed humorlessly as he put the next can on the shelf. He couldn’t understand why Wolf was still being nice to him. He didn’t deserve this man’s kindness.

Alex couldn’t help but think if he was doomed anyway, or most likely to be doomed, that it would be nice to have some company, a meal, an actual meal before he went. He hadn’t done that before..it wasn’t like he’d had the money to spare on something that would’ve been a full meal. Wolf had said any time...right...any time? 

“Does your offer still stand….to have dinner with you and stay over?”

Alex’s voice was quiet, he hated how desperate and defeated he sounded. He felt so deeply ashamed of himself for even asking when the man already had plans, but god, even the thought of some real company and a meal, sounded so good. Alex couldn’t even look at Wolf as he spoke. He wouldn’t even mind if all of K-Unit were there; he was sure it would be overwhelming but he could handle it. It would be nice to have something to remember before he went to the lions. 

“Yeah, kid, course. What time do you finish work today?”

“Seven,”

“Do you want me to come get you?”

“I...I know where it is..,”

“Will you mind if the guys are there?”

“...….I don’t want to put them out…” 

“Anything you’re allergic to?

“No,”

“Okay, I’ll see you some point after seven,”

Alex didn’t look at Wolf once as they spoke, instead looking everywhere else. He didn’t want to see the man’s gaze, didn’t want to see the pity, didn’t want to acknowledge it. The man left and Alex was left on his own, he was quick to just get back to work and ignore the odd feeling in his chest. He didn’t notice as his manager approached him, and nearly jumped out of his skin when the man suddenly spoke. Why did this keep happening?

“Do you know that guy?”

Alex knew he spent too long thinking about it, but did eventually nod. He needed to give some explanation as to why the man had taken such an interest in him without his manager thinking something untoward was going on. 

“He’s my uncle,”

Alex lied. 

“That so? Is he giving you any bother? I can ban him from the store?”

But Alex was quick to shake his head. 

“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it,”

His manager didn’t seem satisfied, but Alex was done discussing it. He just got back to work pointedly and just ignored most of the questions that followed, only giving slight nods and hums at things that were said. 

Alex wouldn’t have been able to answer most of them anyway, too distracted as he thought of dinner. Though he had told Wolf he didn’t want to put the other guys out, he did hope it wouldn’t be too crowded. But he was just left to think about what dinner would be like for the rest of his shift. 

\---

All too soon, seven o’clock rolled around. He grabbed his work jumper and began making the short walk to Wolf’s house. He felt certain he would be able to find it despite never having physically been, but he’d gotten one of his co-workers to just check google maps for him before leaving, just to be sure. His phone would’ve certainly provided little help. It wasn’t however a difficult home to find. He pressed the correct buzzer, waiting for a few moments before Wolf’s voice came over the intercom.

“It’s me...Alex...Cub,”

He said nervously, but the door was buzzed open and Alex headed inside. It took a little figuring out Alex eventually found the right floor and then found the right door. He stood for a moment awkwardly outside. This was a bad idea...he should turn back but he could smell the food already. His stomach kept him in place, it drove him to knock on the door. It was only a matter of moments before the door swung open and Alex was greeted by Wolf. He seemed far more relaxed looking than Alex had ever seen before. 

Admittedly the few prior occasions he’d seen Wolf had been military things, then at the hospital and then mostly in running gear, all times he’d been visibly not relaxed, and the shop today, Alex had been too wound up to notice how relaxed he seemed. But this Wolf...this Wolf was in a plain grey t-shirt, he was wearing jeans but wasn’t wearing any socks or shoes. He looked at ease, carried himself with ease. Alex felt out of place in this Wolf’s world and he hadn’t even stepped inside. 

“Come in,”

Wolf had opened the door widely and Alex nervously stepped inside. He glanced around his immediate area, the door he’d come in was the only exit, they were fairly high up but there was a little balcony like space off the living room. The place was tidier than what Alex had expected, but then his expectation for Wolf to be messy was perhaps a little misguided, the man was in the army, and even from his brief experience of the SAS he knew that messiness was probably driven out of people. But, it was nice, it was a homely place, warm and lived in. it wasn’t big but Alex didn’t think that was a bad thing. He hated to admit but it felt nicer than his Chelsea home. He stood awkwardly in the man’s hallway, arms tucked around himself, trying to ignore the desire to go straight into the kitchen area to ask for a plate of food. 

“Yeah, so this is it, my bedroom is there, you can sleep in the spare bedroom, there’s a single bathroom, and a kitchen living area,”

Wolf pointed to each of the rooms in turn as he spoke. 

“I put some spare clothes on the bed...figured you’d maybe want to change into some normal clothes…actually I’ll just...”

Alex couldn’t say anything, he just watched as Wolf who now seemed a little nervous as he spoke went into the spare room he’d just motioned to and came back out with the clothes holding them out for Alex. He didn’t want to take them, but Wolf was right, he’d probably feel more at ease if he wasn’t in his work uniform. He took them from him and then went into the bathroom, pleased that he could shut the door and lock it. 

‘What am I doing’ he thought to himself. He turned on the light and sat down on the closed over toilet seat. He put the clothes on his lap and just groaned. But it was too late now, running out of here would be more embarrassing than staying. The shame of not being able to manage one normal enough dinner with the only person in the world who seemed to even half care about him would be too much. 

With a heavy sigh Alex got to his feet and began getting changed. The bathroom was small and windowless. It had a large mirror and for once, Alex was unable to really hide from his own reflection. Seeing himself now he could understand why Wolf had reached out. He looked awful, his eyes had dark circles around them, his face was pale and pinched. He had always been slim but even he could note that this was something else. He pulled off his work shirt and let himself for the first time in a while look at himself. The scar in pride of place above his heart was clearly healed but it looked pinched, there wasn’t much fat left on his body. He didn’t last long looking at himself, he hated how he looked, so he quickly just put on the clothes that Wolf had given him, he was swimming in both of them, but they were both far softer and of a more comfortable material than his work clothes. Wolf hadn’t given him any socks, but he didn't want to be wearing his uncomfortable shoes, so he just took off his old falling apart socks and stuffed them in the shoes. He’d rather walk on bare feet than have the man note how old the socks were.

Alex took a moment to wash his face and hands, and then left the bathroom. He awkwardly stepped into where the spare room was and placed his clothes down on the bed. He didn’t look much in the room and just headed into where the kitchen was. Noting as he did so, that aside from a radio playing some music, there was little noise. Was everyone just being real quiet? Were they arriving soon?

“Where is everyone?”

Alex asked as he walked in, he was surprised by the look Wolf gave him, who’d turned to give a warm and friendly smile. The kitchen was a little messier than the rest of the house, there were multiple things going on at once. Wolf didn’t seem out of control, and really it made Alex’s heart ache painfully as he was reminded of Jack. She would’ve likely burnt whatever was cooking but it was so long since he’d walked into a kitchen to see someone else that he would’ve taken the burnt food. 

“I didn’t want to overwhelm you, Eagle can certainly be a bit much,”

The man was smiling at him, it wasn’t even a forced smile, it was just a smile, as if Alex was a friend. As if this was normal. He couldn’t help but want to lean into that energy, pretend for an evening that he and Wolf were friends, that this was normal. For a night he could allow himself that, that he was just like any of the other people across the country he helped protect. 

“They wouldn’t have,”

“They would’ve and that’s fine. I know you don’t exactly want me or us in your life, but we’ll just take it slow. At least we know where you are, and you know where I am,”

Alex felt awful hearing those words, but he couldn’t exactly say why he was here. That come tomorrow it was likely that he wouldn’t be about and shortly after that he’d at long last be at peace - hopefully. 

“Thanks,”

“No problem,”

“So...what should I call you?”

Alex had never paid attention when searching for Wolf’s address to his name. His mind told him that Wolf would just want him to continue calling him Wolf, afterall they weren’t really friends. This was not the case. Alex told him he should stop being surprised by Wolf’s actions. The man had just put down what he was doing, wiped his hands on a dish cloth and then extended his hand to Alex. 

“James. I’m James, and you’re Alex,”

Alex took the hand and shook his hand. He didn’t know why Wolf….James was doing all of this, why he had decided to care about him. Alex had really figured nothing would come of his postcard but this was such uncertain territory, even if he was about to leave, he felt bad for doing so when this man was just trying so hard….so hard to help him in a way that no one else ever had. Not in a long while. 

“I’m Alex,”

“This won’t be a minute. Can I get you a drink, I’ve got juice or some water?”

“No wine?”

“I think it would be pretty irresponsible of me to give a teenager wine,”

“Do you have orange juice?”

“I sure do, Cub...Alex, it’s in the fridge, why don’t you grab it and take it to the table?”

Alex felt odd venturing further into the kitchen but he did as he was told. He tried to not feel jealous at the full fridge, the food that was just overflowing from within it. He found the juice and took it to the table. It had already been set and Alex took the seat where there was a place mat thankful that from it could spot the exit.

“How do you like working at Tesco?”

“It’s work, not many places hire a kid, so I’m thankful,”

“You’re not in school then?”

“Erm…..no..not anymore,”

Alex busied himself after answering quickly, he poured himself a small glass of juice and had to resist the urge to gulp it down in one. It had been so long since he had orange juice. When Ian had been alive, even when he’d been away there had always been a carton of orange juice in the fridge. He let himself glance around the room, he noted a lack of family pictures in the flat, there were a couple of a young Wolf...James with a man and woman, but there were fewer pictures from when the man had been a teen. There were a few pictures of friends and of the SAS unit, Alex found himself getting up and approaching a picture of the four men at some pub, it looked to be a recent picture, three wearing england shirts and one wearing a Scotland shirt. 

“Yeah, that was one of the recent England games, we were finally able to go to a pub to watch it. Snake was actively supporting the other team, which, you know, if we weren’t obviously army men would’ve probably landed him in a few fights,”

Alex found himself almost laughing at the antics, but at the very least it was a natural smile that finally graced his face. 

“Is Fox part of your unit still?”

“Yeah, he did a couple of missions for MI6 before coming back. He didn’t particularly like how they treated people,”

“Oh..I didn’t know that..”

Alex picked the picture up and studied it for a moment, he wondered what it would be like to have a Unit, close friends, like that...Well, he didn’t have to wonder, at one point he’d had something like it, before MI6...but that life was so behind him, it felt like it wasn’t his life. After a few minutes he put the picture back down and then went back to sit down. 

“Do they all know…..about me...what I..,” 

Alex was staring at his empty bowl as he spoke. 

“Yeah, I’m not gonna lie or hide to you kid, when you skipped out of the hospital on Snake and I, I called round Eagle and Fox, and we’ve been looking for you ever since,”

Alex glanced up at him suddenly, he hadn’t thought that the man would’ve been looking for him...That they all would’ve been. God, more people digging into him, if he wasn’t already facing MI6 tomorrow he’d have figured that he’d have been called pretty soon after finding that out. 

“Don’t look so worried, we found next to nothing. If you hadn’t ended up working at the Tesco in my area we’d have never found you.”

Wolf brought a steaming pot, with what had to be soup and placed it down on the table.

“But….why?”

It was the first time an answer didn’t seem to come naturally to Wolf. He went back to the kitchen and grabbed the bread, and the napkins, bringing them back to the table, clearly thinking about his answer. He handed one of the napkins to Alex and then sighed.

“We…..I was worried about you...I just...At very least I didn’t want you to be buried in some faceless grave with no one there. You deserve more than that,”

Wolf was holding his gaze and Alex could see the anguish in his expression as he seemed to think about Alex’s possible death. Alex broke it off first. 

“I’m sorry about the hospital,”

“It’s okay,”

Alex didn’t think it was okay not when he was about to do it again, but he was pleased that James moved on, taking Alex’s bowl and serving him a healthy portion of soup. He tried to not look too eager as he took the bowl. The warmth he could feel from it, the way it smelled, the fact that it was fresh, not reheated in a microwave. Before he could even take a taste of it his mouth was watering. Alex didn’t grab the spoon right away, remembering his manners as he waited for Wolf to fill his own plate and push the soup up the table so it wasn’t too much between them. 

“Well, bon appetit,”

Alex repeated the sentence back, took the spoon and despite trying his best to not began to shovel the food quickly into his mouth at pace. It was hot, not quite burning his mouth, but likely not too far off. He wasn’t paying attention to Wolf, just trying to eat as quickly as possible.

“Kid...Alex, slow down,”

A hand was suddenly stopping the food from reaching his mouth and Alex flinched lightly and made a noise as if scared Wolf would take his food, but that was what it took to break his mind out of his slight trance.

“There’s plenty more for seconds, no reason to burn your mouth or make yourself sick,”

Alex nodded and began to eat more slowly, at a much better pace, but he did still practically inhale the bowl. He took some bread and soaked up the remaining drops. His stomach felt different than it had in a long while. 

“More?”

Alex nodded again, avoiding James’ gaze as he held his bowl out for more, still slowly chewing on the bread. He knew that if he met Wolf’s gaze he’d feel embarrassed by his own actions but he didn’t have time for that when he could get more food. This time however, he ate a much more normal pace. Building the courage to look back up at Wolf and push aside all of his shame. It was certainly made easier by seeing nothing reflected in Wolf’s face that indicated anything out of ordinary had happened. 

“You know, I think I always imagined that you couldn’t cook,”

James laughed lightly and gave a small nod, and Alex felt himself smile slightly, briefly in response. 

“My mum has many talents, but cooking isn’t one of them, so It was up to me to make sure there was something edible on the table. I like it, it’s surprisingly calming. The first mission K-Unit and I got back from, we were living together at the time, I got these wicked nightmares and the guys would just wake up the next day to me having cooked like three pasta bakes,”

Wolf laughed lightly again, and Alex found himself keeping the smile. It had faded a little as the talk of nightmares had thrown him slightly, but he’d pushed it aside. 

“Do you cook?”

“I can cook, my uncle taught me.”

“Are you any good?”

“I like to think so, but I don’t get much opportunity to cook,”

“Cooking can be time consuming,”

Alex had expected Wolf to push it more, to ask about his uncle, to ask about why he didn’t get much opportunity to, but he didn’t. If he had it would be more reason to push away from this. But the man wasn’t forcing him at all, letting the conversation flow more naturally. 

“Do you like the SAS?”

“It’s pretty gruelling, but yeah. It feels good to do some good...don’t laugh,”

Alex had been unable to help himself from giving the smallest laugh, it just felt so generic to say. And though Wolf...James had chastised him it had felt like teasing. It felt normal.

“We do good, and I like doing good. I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else,”

“Did you always want to be in SAS?”

“I knew I wanted to be in the army pretty early on, the SAS just eventually came with time. I like working within the small unit like the SAS does. I trust those guys more than anything. You ever thought about signing up?”

Alex gave a half shrug, his gaze moved to the picture quickly before he looked back. He had thought about it some years before, but right now...he was sure he was never going to. Most of all because he didn’t think he’d see his next birthday.

“I quite like the aspect of not getting shot at that is my current job,”

He retorted, smiling almost proudly as it made James laugh lightly, he was ignoring that it was a little bit of a lie. The conversation continued lightly as they ate, Alex kept waiting for the other foot to drop, for the barrage of questions to come at him, to ask him about his life, about how he was feeling, about if he felt suicidal, about any of it, but they didn’t come. Wolf kept the questions light and Alex did too in return. 

Eventually they’d both finished their soup and Alex was slowly eating bread. He felt full, truly full and he didn’t want to jinx it. He wasn’t sure if Wolf had more planned for them to eat, but he sort of hoped not, he knew if he overdid it, he’d spend half the night being sick and he would be so frustrated with himself if this real meal was one he immediately brought back up. Wolf had been showing Alex a picture on his phone, when he’d very casually said.

“Why don’t you put your number into my phone,”

Wolf began gathering up plates and Alex looked up at him quizzically, that was casual enough that if the conversation hadn’t been so natural he’d have figured it had been done intentionally. 

“Okay,”

He didn’t know why he said it, and he didn’t know why he then did it, saving his phone number to James’ phone. But he did it. It felt like a normal thing to do.

“Do you want some dessert?”

“Got any chocolate?”

“Sure kid. We can dip into Eagle’s stash,”

Alex finished putting his number in the phone and placed the phone back down at Wolf’s place at the table. He was a little surprised when the man walked back in with two plates, both of them with just a bar of chocolate on them and nothing else. Alex laughed lightly at this, surprising himself by doing so. 

“Fancy,”

“I aim to please,”

Alex broke off a piece and after marvelling at it in his hand he ate it. Wolf had certainly put less fanfare in eating his first piece but he’d picked up his phone.

“Two things, first, it’s tradition on my phone for me to have a picture with each contact I have, it helps me filter who I know and who I don’t,”

“Wolf...I don’t….,”

“It’ll stay between us, I promise,”

Alex wanted to push back further, but it seemed easier to say yes so he nodded. He watched Wolf go to the contact and click on the picture and select to take one. He turned the camera to face them, and after shifting and movement from Wolf, they were both in frame. Wolf smiled and Alex did his best to match the energy that Wolf was giving. It felt dumb, he shouldn’t have done it. But there was something so normal about doing it, about posing for a picture with a friend, and this evening was all about pretending he was normal. 

“Now, the second thing, I trust you, I do, but I’m going to call the number you put in, just so that you have my number and can save it,”

Alex held the man’s gaze as he said it, he was sure that the man was lying a little, he wouldn’t have really trusted himself most of the time to put in the right number, but part of the man just seemed genuine in what he said about trust. So even if there was a hint of a lie, he didn’t mind. It wouldn’t matter after tomorrow anyway. He took his phone out of the trouser pocket and placed it down on the table as it rang. He declined the call and without noticing that Wolf was looking at the cracked screen, just began saving the number to his phone. 

“Christ. What happened to your phone?”

“I got hit by a taxi,”

“Oh,”

“Phones are….really expensive to replace..,”

Silence lingered in the room for a moment. 

“When is the cast coming off?”

“Soon, the end of the week,”

Alex lied. He figured that MI6 would arrange for it to be removed, but he didn’t want to bring them up with Wolf. He focused on saving James’ number and just went back to the chocolate. 

“This is definitely a good dessert, usually Eagle eats all of the chocolate before I or anyone else can get to any of it,”

Alex was glad that Wolf just dropped it, if he figured that Alex was lying he didn’t say anything about it. Instead things moved back to the easy, comfortable conversation they had before. 

“Coffee?”

“Please” Alex agreed quickly.

“Maybe I shouldn’t be feeding you caffeine at almost nine o’clock at night,”

“You’ll just have to trust that it won’t change a thing. I practically live off coffee, he’s the only housemate I tend to have,”

Alex regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Perhaps James wasn’t going to say anything about it, instead just move the conversation back. But he made the coffees so silently, it was clear to Alex that he was building to something and maybe it was now. Now the other foot would drop. 

Alex took the cup and thanked him as Wolf sat down.

“So you’re alone then? There’s really absolutely no one?” 

Alex froze with the cup half way to his lips. 

“You don’t have to say anything, just like nod if it’s true. If there’s really no one you can turn to for help to make sure you don’t have to live off coffee, just nod,”

Alex didn’t want to, he knew where this was going and he didn’t want it to. Things were so easy when they were talking about anything other than him. But he gave a small nod. 

“You can’t help me. I know you want to Wolf, but you can’t,”

Alex finished the remainder of his coffee and placed it down on the table. 

“If you just tell me what's going on, maybe I can…, I can try at least,”

“You can’t.”

“Cub...Alex, come on,”

Alex stood up, taking his phone and shook his head. He wanted to go home now, but he felt sure that if he did, Wolf would just follow him. He couldn’t leave just yet. 

“Do you mind if I just go to bed? I’m pretty tired,”

Alex didn’t look at Wolf, but eventually heard him sigh.

“Yeah, okay. Just shout if you need anything, okay? If you get hungry, feel free to just grab yourself a bite?”

Alex nodded. He turned and went to leave the room, as he did so, he caught sight of the picture of the team, and he paused. This evening had just been so nice, It had been a nice change to actually be able to talk to someone. It had been nice to eat some real food and partly pretend that this could be his life every day. He turned back towards James. 

“Wo..James..?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for this, really, all of this...Thank you,”

“Anytime Alex,”

There was a slight pause.

“Good night,”

“Night kid, sleep well,”

Alex gave a slight smile, only forcing it a little and was met with an equally slightly strained smile. He turned and headed to the bedroom. He sat on the bed in the darkness, listening to Wolf clean up. Listening to the man hum as he went about his evening routine. 

Sitting in this room it was easy to fantasize himself in this life, with Wolf as his family...in this room, listening to the movement in the house, letting that lull him to sleep rather than the silence he was used to. Eventually he heard Wolf go to bed. His phone chimed and Alex picked it up. Wolf had sent him that picture they’d taken. He wouldn’t admit to it, but he spent far too long staring at it through the cracked screen. 

With everything going round in his head, and the meeting looming. Alex didn’t sleep a wink that night.

At six in the morning, Alex quietly gathered his stuff, let himself out of the flat and headed to MI6. 

He hoped when Wolf woke up he’d not be too disappointed in him for leaving without saying anything again. 

He hoped that when Wolf couldn’t find him again he wouldn’t be disappointed in him. 

He hoped that if he died on this next mission that Wolf wouldn’t be too disappointed in him. 

He hoped that if he lived, he might not have ruined this relationship completely. 

Despite the whole week feeling the contrary, a small part of Alex hoped that he lived.


	7. Thin Air

Wolf had woken up the morning after the dinner feeling a little troubled. The night had ended on a slightly sour note, he hadn’t meant to push, he thought he’d been respectful enough, but he’d have to be more careful in future. It just had been odd. He had expected push back to his question of course, but what happened just hadn’t sat right with him. He’d tidied up and made sure that there were breakfast things out in case the kid woke up before him. It had never occurred to him to ask if he was supposed to be at work early or something. He might’ve, if he hadn’t ruined it. The conversations, his actions, the kid’s actions played over and over in his head until he’d finally managed to fall asleep in the early hours of the morning. 

Wolf had woken briefly at some time close to six when a sharp noise had filled his flat, but he’d just rolled over and gone back to sleep. Now it was close to nine when he was finally properly waking up. 

The man rolled over in his bed, and reached for his phone. He pulled it off the plug and held it up to his face. There were dozens and dozens of messages from K-Unit. After the kid had agreed to dinner, fearing a repeat of the hospital Wolf had told them all to stay away, that depending on how the evening and then morning went he’d invite them over. He’d carefully muted the chat so nothing would pop up and disturb them, but it seemed that unlike him they’d all had a normal night’s sleep and were awake and discussing things, had been asking for details for a while. Wolf unlocked the phone and began scrolling, immediately seeing Eagle demanding details as he noted the messages had now been read by everyone. He ignored it and backed out of the chat. He checked his emails and then checked a few social media apps. Then he opened his chat with the kid. It was the generic inbuilt text chat of the phone, and the only message was the picture he’d sent. He couldn’t even see if Alex had opened the message, read receipts were clearly off. But he clicked on the picture. 

It had been a snap decision. Wolf did get pictures with people he knew and put them on as the contact, but he generally waited until a moment organically came up or just till they had one together. He’d forced it slightly, but he didn’t regret it in the slightest. Looking at the picture he let himself sigh. The kid didn’t look good. He was smiling in the picture but it was clearly a little forced, it did not reach his eyes at all. It had pained Wolf, taking all his might to not react poorly to seeing the boy swimming in the spare clothes he’d given him. The work uniform had certainly hidden some of it, because the boy had looked depressingly thin in his clothes; the way he’d eaten the first bowl of soup like a dying man had told him so much. It had been uncomfortable but only strengthened his resolve to help. It didn’t matter if the authorities and everyone who had taken part in putting the boy into the world alone tried to stop him, he wasn’t going to let it stand. He would do whatever he could to help. Even if that just meant encouraging the boy round as often as possible to eat and telling a few jokes to make him smile. 

Wolf locked the phone and put it back down. He listened for any noise, but the house was silent. He frowned slightly, he had expected some noise by now. Perhaps even just snoring. He rolled out of bed and slipped on a pair of trousers and a t-shirt and padded out of his room. He glanced in the kitchen area and there didn’t seem to be any movement at all, everything was exactly where he left it. He went to the living area and looked about, noting that there too, nothing seemed out of place. The door to the spare bedroom was closed, but there was light coming out under the door, the curtain was open then. He knocked on the door. 

“Cub?”

“Alex?”

He knocked again, and then decided to go in, just look..make sure the kid was alright if he was still asleep. But, what he found was a room devoid of the teen. The bed didn’t look slept in and Wolf cursed. 

“Fuck”

He rushed back to his room and grabbed the phone, he selected Cub’s number and called. The phone didn’t ring, just went straight to voicemail. He hung up and redialed, when the same happened again, he tried calling again. It wasn’t until the fourth time it went straight to voicemail that he had to accept some defeat. 

“FUCK”

Wolf shouted loudly, if he had just laid off, if he had just not pushed it. The kid would probably still be there. The kid wouldn’t have left. This was all his fault. He knew there was a chance that the kid was just gone to work, but he hadn’t left a note, there was no message. Wolf groaned frustratedly and just slammed his fist hard into the nearest wall. 

With a throbbing hand he sent a message to K-Unit summoning them to his flat. 

\--

Snake had bandaged up his hand, Eagle had been bouncing around the house, as he said, ‘looking for clues’ and Fox was making something for lunch. Wolf was just watching this unfold around him. He couldn’t help but glance occasionally at the picture of the unit and think about how Cub had been so taken by it. They were lucky to have each other. Wolf knew he didn’t have a whole lot in life, but he had three really close friends. He knew in his worst moments he could rely on them. He knew he could trust them. He knew if there was a problem they could work together to solve it. He didn’t have a great relationship with his mother but he had other bonds which filled the gap. What did Alex have? 

“Eagle, will you take a seat, I’m getting dizzy just watching you,”

Wolf told him as Fox arrived at the table with the lunch. Wolf thanked Snake for wrapping his hand and just took his phone. He had sent the kid a few messages and had yet to receive anything back. Nothing. He knew read receipts were the absolute worst things to have, but he really wanted the kid to turn them on, just so he’d know he was okay. 

“So, what happened?”

They all had food in front of them, and Wolf gave a heavy sigh. He looked at his food and tried to not think about if the kid had anything to eat. He felt bad eating when he couldn’t be sure that Cub would be. 

“It was going well. I pushed it a little at the end, probably,”

“How so?”

“I asked him, to just like nod if he was alone, truly had no one, which he did. But before I could offer help, he said that I couldn’t help him. I pushed a bit more, but that was too much.”

Wolf sighed, he ran his good hand through his hair and groaned slightly. 

“I knew it had ended poorly but he, like said goodnight and thanked me…”

Wolf trailed off, he got the sickening feeling that perhaps that had been a goodbye. Perhaps it had been his way of saying it. Saying something close but not exactly it. 

“Maybe he was just feeling bad for reacting?”

“Yeah, for all we know he went home to get new work clothes and has a shift today,”

“Why hasn’t he reached out? He knew I was worried, he knew that we had been actively looking for him....”

Silence followed and the men just ate their meal for a moment, unwilling to share what that could mean. 

“Just tell us everything, from the moment he arrived to when you noticed him gone,”

Snake prompted. 

“He showed up after seven like he said he would. He looked exhausted. I gave him some of my old clothes and just stayed in the kitchen. It’s clear he doesn’t eat much, and not because he doesn’t want to, but because I don’t think he has much money. We exchanged names, he asked about why we, I, was doing all this,”

Wolf continued to talk about the evening he’d shared with Alex, there were moments he left out, like the desperation with which he’d eaten, he didn’t need to embarrass the kid. He did tell them about how they’d talked about the SAS, how they’d shared a few laughs. He told them that he’d managed to make the kid smile, see him smile. Even if they had been brief and a little forced. Truly hearing the boy laugh as little as he had, had been nice. He didn’t share with them how nice it had felt to see the boy relax, to ask questions, to smile even in the manner he had. He told them about exchanging numbers, he left out the picture, he’d keep his word on that. He told them about the boy’s demand for chocolate and he glared at Eagle for acting annoyed about the lost chocolate. Eventually he got to what they already knew. 

“So, I called you guys,”

The silence which followed was telling. 

“First of all, we have to establish that he’s really gone, maybe he just couldn’t sleep and is currently doing so. It might’ve just all been too much. If he still hasn’t reached out in a few days then let's check in with his work if he doesn’t have much money, that job must be his only source of income, so he’s not going to miss days there. If they haven’t seen him, maybe we need to finally turn to my contacts in MI6.”

Fox had been involved in the search but they, Wolf especially, had been reluctant to involve any of his contacts just yet. Wolf hated having to give Alex space, but Fox was right, maybe it had just all been too much. He’d just give it a few days. Send a message soon to tell him, just beg him after a few days to reach out and tell him that he was okay. He was also in agreement that if he was gone they needed to make this search more serious. For sure, Wolf knew that he couldn't let anything happen to Alex if he could do something to try to stop it. The boy had crashed into his life and kept trying to leave, but Wolf wasn’t going to let him. If anything, the meal the night before had strengthened his resolve and how increasingly protective he was of him. The kid didn’t have anyone currently, but Wolf was determined to change that. 

“You know we’re lucky to have each other. If the kid works for MI6, then he does so completely alone. He looked at that picture of us a lot. He wants that, even if he doesn’t really realise it. He might not think we can help but, guys, I’m going to do anything I can to get him help,”

Wolf told them with a strong tone and they all nodded, that was that then. 

The search was back on.

\--

After a few days of silence, they went to his work. Alex hadn’t shown up for work. The number listed on his information being the same one Wolf had with no response from him either and the home address false, the parking lot in a neighbouring area. Wolf had to assume the bank records were correct but that didn’t help him in finding him. The manager of the store was significantly frustrated by the boy’s disappearance, first actively blaming Wolf for it and then moving on to blame the kid himself. Wolf watched the concern move to frustration as the man ranted and raved about the kid, talking about how he’d taken a chance on him, by the suggestion of someone else, how he was a poor worker, couldn’t do as much and scared customers away because he looked like he should be dead in a ditch. It took all of Wolf’s strength to not immediately deck him, this man had no idea what had happened. Instead he not so calmly rounded on the guy, forcing him back to a wall and told him in a low tone to repeat what he’d just said. The man was apologetic after that. Wolf couldn’t stop the man from firing Cub if he wanted to, the kid wasn’t turning up for work and with no reason for why, but he could stop him spreading lies. 

Wolf just hoped the kid was safe and had the money to feed himself.

Snake had reasoned to give him a little more time to maybe just turn up. Perhaps he had been in some emotional distress and just needed time to deal. But after a week of nothing, of repetitive messages and calls, he just felt at a loss. He called the police first, trying to report him missing and trying to make anyone aware of the fact a sixteen year old had vanished. But after a brief call which in his mind had ended well, he’d been called back and told they wouldn’t be taking forward. He had the same result when he physically went to the local police station and tried to fill a missing persons report. No amount of threatening had helped him there and he’d only managed to almost get himself arrested. 

Wolf didn’t want to give up, or just wait for the kid to turn up again. So, he called Fox and asked him to reach out to the people at MI6, maybe they would turn up to arrest him or give them at least an address. If they had an address for where the kid was living maybe they’d be able to find him easier. They’d know where to always start. Fox had said it might take some time before they heard anything back, apparently none of these people understood the urgency behind a missing child, but Fox had been clear that they couldn’t go in too strongly, not only because it would break the tentative trust Wolf had with Alex, but also because they didn’t want to raise too many alarm bells. 

All in all, it just meant that as the days passed with no news Wolf was left only to think about what had happened and where he had gone wrong. He was left to mull over all of his perceived mistakes. 

After a week and half of Alex being gone, the Unit had spent a weekend at some light training, the road back to active duty of some kind started with that, Wolf was thankful his hand was better now. However, during that, despite what Wolf had said about loving his job and what he did, he felt a dissonance in his training. He was pushing through the exercises but he felt frustrated by it, frustrated at them doing this while the kid was still missing, frustrated by the thought that if he wasn’t around he couldn’t be searching or helping. Frustrated by the idea that he might soon be deployed and leaving the kid completely alone. He had always known that eventually when he was a little older that he’d come out of active service would look for desk work, but he thought maybe now was the time for something more stable. He wasn’t getting any younger..

Wolf didn’t voice this to his teammates just yet but tried to casually bring it up with one of his superiors, floating the idea that if something - preferably London based - were to come up, he was maybe interested. He tried to be casual about it, but Wolf wasn’t sure how well he’d managed. 

After two weeks had passed since Alex had been at his house, he was beginning to lose hope. It had been odd that suddenly Alex had changed his mind and agreed to come to his house. The guys had had perhaps one too many drinks that night prompted by Snake bringing up that maybe the whole thing had been Alex’s last meal, allowing himself a semblance of normality, a good meal before going to his death. 

It had been a sobering thought and one he couldn’t deny having merit, he just hoped that it wasn’t, it had just been enough for them to start drinking.

If it had been the case, Wolf hoped that his pushing at the end of the night hadn’t ruined it for Cub. He hoped that if it was what had happened, that he’d provided the kid with something to carry with him, a little glimmer of hope and joy into his death. 

But the morning after all that drinking, he was awoken by his phone ringing shrilly next to him. His head pounded. His throat felt like sandpaper, and everything was too bright. God, he didn’t want to get that drunk again. But he picked up the phone and immediately all thoughts like that were gone. It was an unknown number. He was quick to move to the balcony to not wake the other guys still asleep on his living room floor and answered the call. 

“Alex? You okay?”

There was a beat of silence and then a sigh at the other end. 

“I’m afraid it’s not Alex,”

The voice was older, it was posh though it had a friendly tone. 

“Well, who is it? How did you get my number?”

“Who I am doesn’t matter. But I have information on Alex.”

“What is it?”

But the man on the other end didn’t say anything, just listed an address and a time for a little later that day and then hung up. Wolf was left staring at the phone half tempted to launch it from where he stood. He just wanted the information. He needed the information but he’d jumped through the hoops if that was what was needed.

Though it was a few hours until he was due to meet the man, Wolf knew he wouldn’t be able to sit around in his flat and wait. He stormed back in, not caring if he woke the others up, putting aside all of his own feelings as he got dressed and flew out the door. He didn’t bother saying anything to the guys but wrote a quick message in their group chat as he headed to where he needed to go. 

The time crawled past, but he was in a busy area in more central London. He recognised buildings and companies that were in them. He ended up stopping by a phone store and despite thinking it a bad idea, he went in, and picked out a phone and contract for the kid. He didn’t know why, but perhaps the kid’s phone in all this was just so broken he couldn’t reach out, a new phone would help that. A new contract which he’d negotiated would cover him, it helped he’d managed to get an armed forces discount too and have it be under his own current phone contract. He justified it to himself as a necessary purchase even if there was a chance he’d have to take it back in a few weeks. But eventually time passed and Wolf went to where he was to meet him. 

They were meeting at a busy park in the middle of this busy area, with an outdoor cafe and several water features. The weather was turning slowly colder, the leaves were slowly turning orange, but it had been dry and nice enough to allow people to still be able to sit outside. He got himself a coffee and sat down at one of these outdoor tables. He wasn’t sure who he was meeting or how he was to know who it was, the man on the phone had given nothing in the way of information. 

But after a few minutes a man sat down next to him. He was a round man, with a friendly enough face. He seemed comfortable and confident and gave Wolf a little smile. 

“So, you're the one whose been digging into Alex,” The man was first to speak.

“Yeah, and you are?”

“I work for MI6, and I’ve been complicit for too long in their dealings with our dear boy,”

Wolf was a little surprised at the statement and nodded. 

“Do you know where he is?”

“Yes,”

“Well, can you tell me?”

“What do you have planned for him?”

Wolf groaned and half shrugged. This man was quickly trying his patience. 

“I just want to help him. I don’t have anything planned, fuck, do you know why I’m even involved? What happened to him?”

“I know that about two months ago he walked out onto a busy street in London and in front of a fast moving taxi,”

“He sent me a postcard, asking me to bury him. That he had no one else to trust with this. I want to help him, god, that’s all I want, I’ll do whatever I need to, just tell me where he is,”

Wolf felt so frustrated as he spoke, so desperate from everything recently relating to this kid to play any games with this man. To go back and forth on things that didn’t matter. 

“I don’t know where he is exactly…..no don’t interrupt me. He’s on a mission, that is where he is. Alex works for us at MI6. He has done so since you first met him. He’s a highly skilled, resourceful and hard working operative. His success rate is unparalleled, he goes on more missions than any adult. But he is a child.”

For the first time since the conversation began the cheerful veneer of the man faded, he seemed anguished and sorrowful. 

“I’ve always been opposed to using him, but I’ve never done anything. When I was informed that he had tried to kill himself, I knew it was time for things to change. I did some of my own digging into his situation. Then I heard you were looking into it, I did some digging on you too. Then dear old Ben started digging with his MI6 contacts, I knew it was time.”

“Time for what?”

“Time for me to pay Alex back for the years of my complicipity. I cannot provide for him myself, I’m not in a position to do so personally, but if I can help him out of the situation he’s in, then I’ll do so.”

Wolf nodded slightly, he’d always imagined he would need to provide for the kid to some degree but he was beginning to think it might be bigger than just a couple of meals in a week like he’d first envisioned. He would do it though, like he’d just said he would do anything to help him. In his mind there was now little question of how far he might go.

“What’s his situation exactly?”

“Alex’s uncle, Ian Rider, was a great man, but he was sorely misguided in his trust of certain people. He had always intended for Alex, should he die while the boy was a minor, to be placed into the care of the state, he asked Alan Blunt and Tulip Jones to ensure that Alex was placed with a decent family who would take care of him, but when Ian died, they didn’t honor that, instead they manipulated the poor, grieving boy into working for them. He was told that MI6 were his legal guardians, but they weren’t, ever,”

“He’s emancipated,”

“Now he is, but he wasn’t in the beginning. I thought that him being emancipated would help him leave this line of work, it was why I did the paperwork myself. But I see now, that it made it worse,”

Wolf could understand why he might think that, surely no longer being ‘cared’ for by MI6 should’ve meant he got out. 

“No one has ever protected that boy, not since his uncle died. He was looked after by a woman called Jack that Ian had hired when the boy was young, but she wasn’t in a position to help or protect him, though bless her heart she tried. He was left alone, with no family in the world and the only people he could trust were MI6, and they knew it.”

Wolf thought about the boy’s GCSE grades, that the missions had likely been the thing preventing him from learning the skills to do well. Realising that with poor grades he relied on MI6, that without MI6 he’d be on his own with those poor grades. He didn’t have any recourse to make things better for himself, he couldn’t get a job with grades like that, but he needed a job to get money to live. He’d need money to give him any hope to fix those grades. 

“They’ve made him reliant on them. He has no one else he can turn to. There’s no school who’ll take him, not when he’s an emancipated teen with poor grades and even worse attendance records. His job options are limited for the same enough reasons. MI6 pay for his home, and utilities so if he doesn’t do what they say what’s to stop them making him take that financial burden, which he would not be able to take on not without a proper job and a proper income, which he can’t get, so then it’s either be destitute or do a mission,”

Wolf couldn’t look at this man, feeling the mounting frustration evaporate into just genuine sorrow for the poor boy who’d sat at his kitchen table and asked for chocolate as dessert, who had smiled so forcefully, who despite the way he'd pushed Wolf away angerily had always seemed good natured. 

“Did you know that in the UK, most banks won’t allow anyone under the age of sixteen to have a current account? Some offer children’s accounts but that function more like savings accounts, and you need a parental signature for that,”

Wolf shook his head, it had been a while since he’d had his own account he’d never thought about when he’d first got one.

“MI6 set up his bank account shortly after he turned fifteen. You should have seen him when he came to tell me, showed me on his phone. The financial freedom he thought it would allow. The fact Mrs Jones had promised him they’d give him money to live off while he worked for them. I had my reservations about their intentions and I’m sorry to say I was right,”

“So they control his finances...they make it so he needs them for money. He can’t get steady work to save because of them...and the money they give him is probably never really enough but not getting any money would be worse if suddenly he doesn’t have missions…he’s absolutely trapped,”

Wolf pieced it slowly together out loud and he felt such deep despair for the boy. He couldn’t help but understand the boy's insistence that no one could help him. That he was alone, why he’d pushed them away. He understood more clearly in part why the kid had decided to try to end his life. 

“They’re going to kill him, James. I saw him before he left, he…...alas, I regret I cannot help him, but you, you can,” 

The man’s voice cracked slightly but he was quick to recover.

Wolf hadn’t even realised the man would know his name, but he nodded. It was so much bigger than him. So much bigger than anything he had imagined. So much worse. But, at least it was all things he could do something about. He would do something about this. If the boy came back after his mission he could help him. 

From within a pocket the other man pulled out a thick envelope. 

“Inside this, is what you need, forms to help you. You likely have one chance at this Wolf, and you know what will happen to that poor boy if you fail,”

Without saying more, the man stood up and left. Wolf was left clutching the envelope tightly in his hand, and trying to not let himself be too overwhelmed from it all. He didn’t finish the now cold coffee, just discarded it properly and then headed back home. There was so much he needed to tell the guys, so much he needed to plan. 

But at least, even if he was no closer to knowing exactly where the kid was, he was a step closer to being able to actually help him. Help him properly. 

\---

Telling the guys had been easy enough, they had shared in his frustration at the whole situation, the envelope had included documents to get Alex a new passport, bank account, they had included documents to get his emancipation changed and Wolf noted in the last form that the information for who it would be to take responsibility of him was blank, so he had put in his details. It hadn’t even been a question in his mind. He knew he was likely getting in over his head, since never had he thought that he would take guardianship of Cub but, if that was what it took to help, then he would do it. It wouldn’t matter that in a few short years the kid would be legally an adult. Wolf decided he would need to await until Alex was back before he did any of it. The man had said there was only one opportunity for him to get this right, but he wouldn’t do any of it without the kid’s permission. The kid had so little control over his life, he didn’t want to strip him of more. 

But waiting for the kid to turn back up, waiting for him to hopefully come back from the mission and be okay was hard. He sent a text every day, in the evening, saying the same question over and over again. ‘Hey, it’s James, let me know you’re okay, okay?’ He would spend his days looking for some London based role within the SAS and at the picture of him and the kid. But with each day that passed his hope for the kid turning up alive faded. 

That was until exactly one month and a week since the kid’s disappearance, as he sat alone eating dinner, having sent his usual message not too long before eating, his phone rang. He looked at it with some disinterest until his mind clicked that what he was staring at was the picture of him and Alex. That could only mean one thing.

“Cub?”

He answered the call quickly, speaking quickly and was on his feet quickly. There was silence.

“Alex, you there? Talk to me?”

“James…”

There was utter defeat and exhaustion in the tone. He could hear the boy’s laboured breathing, the slight sob. 

“Kid?”

“James, I need….can you come help me? Please,”

“I’m coming Alex, tell me where you are, I’m coming,”

The kid rattled off an address that Wolf was quick to write down, and before he could push for more, the kid hung up the phone. Wolf was once again, rushing into some clothes and dashing out of the door.


	8. Difficult Return

Three days before Alex called Wolf, was the day he returned from his mission. The mission had been fairly normal in the end, where he had believed it would be some horrible thing; it had been fairly routine - still terrible but routine. The bad guy’s plan had been fairly standard though the fact he had a standard for bad guys certainly said something about him and how often his life involved them. Alex knew however, that he’d been reckless in the mission, been more blasé about things and often acted outside his own self interest. All of this had dragged the mission on longer than was likely necessary for it and had resulted in him being caught. It was this, being caught, which had been the worst of it. 

In the long stretches of silence, in a dark small space Alex had only had his mind to contend with. He had snapped sarcastically at his captors, pushed them as he always did, but it had been less calculated than before. As the time passed, the injuries and the isolation worsened, he really began thinking about what he was doing. He wanted to die, this place made him want to die, the memories this brought him of every other time he’d be caught in something like this made him want to die. But in the silence, in the dark, he also just thought about how great London was. He thought about how nice spending time with Tom was. He thought about Wolf, and the dinner with him. He thought about all of the nurses and doctors that had patched him up over the years, who had always shown him gentle kindness. There was so much evil in the world, so much that he looked directly in the face of, but there was kindness too. He was impossibly stuck in his awful life, but that didn’t mean he would be forever. But at least, in his desire to die, he didn’t want to die, in a small dark space alone. 

Eventually his own resolve had spurred him to actually act, to stop being reckless and that had brought about the end of the mission. His actions hadn’t been rewarded too kindly, his shoulder had been dislocated again, his ankle which had likely not healed well enough after the taxi had been broken in his escape, several bruised and broken ribs and a serious blow to the head. This didn’t even take into account the amount of bruises, gashes and the occasional burns around his body. But, after three days in hospital upon his retrieval, he had been sent home. 

Alex knew it was by the instructions of Blunt and Jones that he’d been pulled from the hospital, the doctor had been vocally against it, strongly against it, but Alex had only offered a shrug. What more could any of them do? He had been relieved at least that he hadn’t been sent to the same hospital as the one he’d landed him after trying to kill himself. He didn’t want to face the doctor he’d skipped out on.

Blunt and Jones had told him when they needed him back at his debrief, six weeks, the absolute minimum time required for his broken ankle to heal but it would be okay. At the very least he’d have hopefully been paid for his time at tesco - however small that would be. Perhaps the man would offer him the job back if he spun a good enough story...and given that he was injured because of the mission he might just buy it and surely the money he’d gotten from MI6 this month would be a little more fair. 

His resolve from the cell remained strong. He remained hopeful that perhaps things wouldn’t be so bad this time around. He would reach out to Tom and maybe to Wolf, things would be better. He needed them to be better. He would make them better.

Alex was dropped off at his house by a nameless MI6 driver that had helped him out the car. He wasn’t too mobile currently, with his arm still in a sling for the next few days and a single crutch for now to move around with his ankle, but with his home in front of him, he didn’t care he just moved as quickly as he was able to, barely glancing back at the driver and just let himself inside. 

The usual calm and familiarity this place gave him washed over him though today it also felt empty. Alex thought of Wolf’s far smaller, more homely flat, the warmth of it, the visible personal touches. He always knew at any given moment MI6 could decide to take this place off him, but it was his childhood home, his only connection left to Jack and Ian. So even if Wolf's home was nicer, this was his home. No matter how much of a hold MI6 had over him while he stayed there. 

Alex noted the dust on the various counters as he ventured further in and sat down on his couch. It was late, most people would think about dinner, but Alex despite his hunger knew that there was no food to be had and he had no energy to go out to get any either. He’d eaten breakfast at the hospital and with the month he’d just had he got the feeling if he ate any more he’d be sick. 

But, he remained on the couch, letting himself slowly breathe. Letting himself calm down and relax before heading up the stairs, which took embarrassingly long, given how injured he was - the doctor had suggested he stay with someone for the next few weeks but the doctor had suggested a lot of things Alex wasn’t able to do. By the time he reached his bed, he just collapsed onto it and fell asleep. Tomorrow he could worry about everything that was his life. 

\--

Awareness came to him slowly the next day, it was slow and then all at once, the pain stepped forward. He groaned, up until now he’d either pushed the pain aside or the medication of the hospital had kept it at bay. Now though with nothing else, it came back full force. He groaned again, trying to relax and wait until the pain abated. He turned in his bed and sat up. His head was spinning and he felt sick. The pain just wasn’t going away, it felt like it was just getting worse. Each tiny movement made it worse. Perhaps going to sleep still in his clothes and not accounting for all his injuries hadn’t been the best idea, but even then, he hadn’t imagined that the pain would be this bad. Coming back from missions was always sore, it always took a few days to feel normal, but this just felt worse..He slowly got to his feet, his legs weak, he was careful to not put too much pressure on his bad ankle, but with a single crutch it was slow to move. Rising up had brought the spinning back full force and he knew that he was going to be sick. 

Alex tried to move quickly but only made it to the hallway before he was sick. He collapsed to his knees and heaved. There wasn’t much for him to be sick, mostly it looked to be stomach acid, but it didn’t make it any easier. He had to just wait till the worst of it was over before he could move again. He went to the bathroom slowly and grabbed a cloth to clean himself and the sick up. It was a great struggle to clean up but eventually he managed to, Alex just headed back to his room. He did want a shower but there was little sense in trying to over do it when he felt as awful as he did. He got slowly changed into his more comfortable clothes - the large t-shirt he’d gotten from Wolf and the comfortable house trousers. 

Alex sat down on his bed, his head was still spinning, but he didn’t feel like he was going to be sick again. At least not for now. If he remained motionless, the spinning did fade. The pain didn’t really lessen but he could concentrate on pushing it aside. But his stomach was painfully empty now, his throat felt terrible and the medication was all downstairs. He opened his bedside table drawer and took out the much stronger medication from when he’d been shot, there were only two of them left. He groaned. As much as he hated to, he knew he needed to go downstairs and bring the pain medication he was prescribed upstairs. He could bring more than just that upstairs and then just spend the next day or so just in bed….that would help him get over the worst of the pain. Then he could look for work, it was surely around the time of mock exams, he might get some quick tutoring money. With the decision made Alex grabbed his old school rucksack and headed downstairs. 

It was a lot of trouble, but he put the laptop and it’s charger into the bag. He put his smashed phone into his bag. He’d had it switched off since he’d left for MI6. He grabbed the pain medication and an empty glass, putting both of those into his bag. He looked through the cupboards and the fridge and freezer, unable to find anything to viable to eat...that didn’t matter...tomorrow he’d feel better and he’d be able to go to the nearest corner shop and get like a box of cereal until his movement was better and he could actually get a full shop - or as full as he could carry back home. 

The rucksack was sore on his shoulder, but with it on his back, it left his arms free to help himself back upstairs. It was still a struggle, but at least by the time he got upstairs he knew he wouldn’t need to head back downstairs for a while. Though the struggle had brought the pain and the spinning world back full force, he was quick to just move back to his bed and sit down. He was a little out of breath and let the world slowly stop spinning before he pulled the rucksack off. He took out the pain medication and the glass, he knew he should get water before he took anything, but the thought of moving again made him decide against that. Instead he just took out the dose he was supposed to and took the medication dry. It was rough on his throat. 

Knowing it would take some time to work, he just lay back on the bed and let himself lay in silence. The pain slowly began to subside and he dozed lightly for most of the morning. He didn’t move much, he couldn’t bring himself to, each movement jolted everything and the surge of pain was not worth it. Even with the medication. By the early afternoon he was feeling marginally better, and he rolled over on the bed and reached into the bag. He pulled out the phone and switched it on, hoping it would still work. 

Alex frowned as it began vibrating and making noise. It took him a moment to realise that it was the messages from the last month, and it was far more than he had expected. So many of them seemed to be from Wolf….James. He’d expected a couple given how abruptly he had left, without a word, but there were far more. He unlocked his phone and went to his messages. There were only three people who’d messaged him. He went to the one with the fewest messages and realised this was his old tesco boss. The messages started by asking where he was, demanding he pick up the phone. That he was coming round. Why the listed address was a parking lot. Where was he. The last one was to tell him to not bother coming back. The last message was dated five days after he’d left. The man had been kinder than he’d expected. 

Next he opened the messages from Tom. Tom emailed generally but it seemed Alex’s reluctance to answer any of his emails for the last while had prompted the boy to text him. The messages had come every couple of days, telling him about what was going on in the boy’s life. The topic of his parents' arguments. Asking if he was there, if he wanted to meet up. The last few, dated from a few days ago were a little different in tone. They were begging Alex for any reply, to just say anything. He felt bad for never having reached out in the last couple of months, not that he could’ve on a mission, but before that, he’d last sent a one sentence email reply after getting home from the hospital in August. He felt worse as he didn’t bother replying here either instead backed out of the messages and into the last set. He didn’t have the energy for a conversation with Tom. Even via text. 

The last set of messages was the most numerous, they were all from Wolf. He had expected a few from him, but there was at least one or two in practically every day he was gone, just asking if he was okay. He didn’t know why it made him feel warmed to know the man had done as he’d said, just continuously reached out. He felt bad about leaving as he had, the first messages were a frantic tone, demanding a reply. But they'd eventually softened. He was startled slightly when a new message popped in, with the same words as the one before it. Alex closed out of that before he could accidentally respond. He’d reach out..but Alex didn’t have the energy for it. Instead he closed the phone and put it down on the bedside table. 

The pain was slowly ebbing back and with it seemed to bring the nausea again. He grabbed the glass he’d brought up and limped slowly to the bathroom. He filled the glass and took a quick sip of the water before carrying it back to the bedroom.

Alex took the pain medication and checked how often he was supposed to be taking it, it was just over the time he was supposed to take more, so this time with the aid of the water he took more medication, it was a much nicer experience. He lay properly back down on the bed and fell back asleep. Doing more on this occasion than just dozing. 

After a few hours of peaceful sleep, the dreams twisted and changed and the nightmare pushed forward. Alex awoke with a scream, sitting up quickly in the bed, and as quickly as his body would allow him to rush to the bathroom where he was promptly sick. He was shaking slightly, as he heaved largely water into the bowl. After a few minutes it subsided and he made his way back to bed. He felt warm, his bones were achy on top of just being sore. He didn’t feel good at all, but that was just the nightmare right...

He took his phone and noted that it was a little after ten o’clock, despite vomiting and generally feeling awful, he felt hungry. Maybe he could make it to the shop…..there was a 24 hour store not too far. He wasn’t feeling like he had in the early afternoon, but he needed to eat. If he became unwell, then he needed to eat….he’d need medicine. He sat up in the bed, determined with his new plan to push it all aside and just manage this. He took his phone again, there had been no new messages. He went straight to the banking app and after a failed attempt, he was able to get in. 

The number staring back at him was surely wrong, it wasn’t possible that he had only ten quid to his name. It was the beginning of a new month...he should’ve been given something from MI6. With shaking hands, he opened the recent transactions and noted that he hadn’t gotten any money from MI6 this month, not yet at least. He looked further back and to his horror, noted that all the money he’d made from his time at Tesco had been transferred out, and to the account he knew was MI6’s. All they’d left in its place was ten pounds.

Utterly confused he dialed the number he had for Mrs Jones. He didn’t care that it was late. 

“Alex,”

The phone had only rung twice before Mrs Jones picked up. 

“Where’s my money?”

“Ah,”

“I earned it, it wasn’t yours to take,”

“We took what we were owed,”

“Owed? What are you talking about? You’ve never done this before?”

He hated how his anger was mixed with desperation, confusion with frustration. He felt pretty close to breaking down on the phone but he wouldn’t give Mrs Jones the satisfaction. Not after everything else.

“We’ve never had to delay a mission before because someone walked out in front of a taxi. We were covering for the lost time, lost lives. So long as it doesn’t happen again, we won’t do it again,”

Alex couldn’t believe what he heard, because he’d tried to die, they had taken his money? He couldn’t understand why anyone would do that, he had always known MI6 to be cruel but this felt excessive, how was he supposed to live if he had no money.

“What about my money for this month? You haven’t given me anything?”

“Well, you’re so self sufficient now, we figured you don’t need our help any more,”

“Why are you doing this? I do the missions, I come calmly...please..you know I can’t work right now,”

“Mr Blunt decided that we need to let you be more independent. It’s what you’ve always wanted, right?”

“Mrs Jones...please, I don’t ask for things, you know me...you care…”

Alex felt these decisions had to be all Blunt, Jones had always acted with some kindness, twisted kindness to him. She always did as she was told, but she’d always been more sympathetic to him. Had even helped on occasion, gotten him a little more time between missions. That couldn’t have possibly changed. What could’ve caused that to change?

“You’ll manage just fine, you always do,”

“No, please..I’m begging you….give me just another tenner, please,”

He hated how his voice broke, how he was begging her. But he didn’t know how he was supposed to survive the month on such little money..Not when he was pretty immobile. Not when his last real job hadn’t lasted long enough for it to join his CV and when the manager was unlikely to give him a glowing reference, when he couldn’t explain why he’d left so abruptly after little time. There was silence on the other end. 

“Mrs Jones..please.”

“Goodbye Alex, we’ll see you soon.”

And the call when dead. Alex was left staring at his phone as the screen went black. He let out a heavy sob and another. His whole body was shaking. Any hopes of getting food that night were gone. The pain, the frustration too much for him to be able to function. He tried calling her again but the phone rang once and went straight to voicemail. Maybe there would be more money tomorrow...maybe she’d listen to him. It was just late and she couldn’t do anything now. 

He couldn’t understand why she’d turned on him. He’d thought she was acting a little odd when he’d seen her before and after the mission, but he hadn’t questioned it. Was it really because he’d tried to kill himself? Why was she annoyed about that..He lay back down on the bed, his whole body was shaking, stray tears escaping his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. He lay still for a moment, trying to think about what he was going to do. If he couldn’t feed himself he’d just end up starving. He’d survived a mission, capture and torture to likely die in his own home because, despite the wealth of the company he worked for and the personal wealth of his employers, he didn’t have enough money to feed himself. Did she not realise that he’d be unable to perform or go on a mission if he was starving…

Alex rubbed his eyes tiredly, coughing lightly. He didn’t see any way out of this. They were going to kill him...they’d let him die and think nothing of it. He reached over and chose the strong medication and took one dry. He didn’t want to face this right now. He let himself drift to sleep. 

\--

The world hadn’t really changed when the sun rose the next day. Alex had managed to stay asleep most of the night. The strong medication tended to knock him out enough but it had been the pain which had woken him up again, even after taking the lighter medication upon waking up it didn’t seem to really fade. He lay in bed for a moment before he pulled himself into a sitting position, and grabbed his phone. He ignored the few messages that had come in and checked his banking app again, distressed at the lack of change. The teen leaned over the bed and grabbed the laptop from the rucksack, he plugged in the charger and after a few minutes it booted up. 

He opened his usual budgeting spreadsheet and put in the amount he had. Feeling tears well in his eyes at the amount. He took his phone and despite thinking it pointless sent a message to his old boss begging for his old job back. It didn’t matter that his mobility was a bit shot for a while, that he didn’t feel well and that he wouldn’t get that money until the end of the month where he would once more be dragged for a mission. He opened the internet browser and opened the usual websites he visited. He was applying for anything, even things which seemed less than the usual level of legitimate. But he felt desperate. He was desperate. 

Alex spent most of the remaining morning and early afternoon doing this. But his bones and joints ached with the position. He was coughing lightly with increasing frequency as the time went on. He seemed to bounce between too hot and too cold. Eventually he couldn’t delay things, he needed to go out and get some food. He needed food. Alex had checked the tesco website in case he could get delivery but he needed to spend four times the amount he had and would have barely afforded the delivery price alone.

He closed the laptop over and put it aside. He slowly got to his feet. He knew he wouldn’t be able to put clean jeans on. He could go in these comfortable trousers. He didn’t care what they thought of him. He wasn’t in the position to care really. He took his phone and began making his way downstairs. But his body was shaking, the pain and nausea pushed to its peak. It took sitting on the steps to get downstairs and he was so utterly spent by the time he reached the bottom that he just sat collecting himself, sweating profusely, dizzy too. Eventually he managed to pull himself to his feet, got a few steps into the kitchen to grab his wallet before his legs gave out from under him, and the sudden movement made him promptly sick all over the kitchen floor. 

He collapsed in a heap against the fridge-freezer and glared at his vomit, there wasn’t anything to bring up besides stomach acid and water. He raised a shaking hand and put it against his forehead. Was he hot...how was he supposed to tell. He could feel heavy tears, heavy emotions threatening to make themselves known, threatening to break the dam. He didn’t want to do this anymore. He didn’t want to die, but what options did he have? 

Then his phone chimed in his pocket. 

He pulled it out and wiped his eyes until he could see the message broken through the cracked screen. It was James. It was what Alex knew was his usual message. The man had always said he could turn to him. Alex didn’t have a choice. He was the only person who despite everything he’d done had shown him continued kindness. James. James could help. He had said he would help.

He unlocked the phone and dialed. If the man said no now, Alex was sure that would be it for him. 

“Cub?”

The phone was answered quickly and Alex felt some relief in hearing the voice on the other end. It sounded panicked. He tried to speak but all he could was breathe heavily.

“Alex, you there? Talk to me?”

“James…”

He sobbed slightly in the word. He had been so against ever reaching out for help. But he was just so tired of his life, of having to do everything alone. He had to ask for help.

“Kid?”

“James, I need….can you come help me? Please,”

“I’m coming Alex, tell me where you are, I’m coming,”

Alex told him the address and hung up the phone. He hadn’t wanted to just break down on the phone. He left the phone on the floor, and very slowly maneuvered himself to his feet. It took some effort and his legs shook under him, but he’d need to let Wolf...James in. 

Time seemed to pass differently as he made his way to the door, he was realising that he probably had a fever. A cold, his mind supplied, given all his body had been through it wasn’t completely unsurpring that he would end up with a cold, but it didn’t change anything. What it did mean was that by the time he got to the door, someone was knocking at it. With some trouble, staying steady he managed to open the door. He looked at the face of the man and smiled slightly. 

“James..”

He struggled to move aside to let him in the house, he wasn’t listening to the man’s words, just ushered him in and closed the door behind them and then when it was closed, Alex all but collapsed. He heard his name be called but would never recall hitting the ground.


	9. Of Cubs and Colds

To say that Wolf had known at all what to expect when going to Alex’s was an understatement. He had grabbed what he needed and barely thought about anything until he was outside the house. The house was in a nice area, far nicer than his own. The house seemed empty, there were no visible lights on and it was slightly imposing when he compared it with his flat. If he didn’t know how this house tied the boy inside to MI6 then he might’ve been jealous but in reality there was nothing to be jealous of. 

He knocked on the door a few times before it finally swung open and Wolf got a good first look at the boy. He was pale, drawn, his eyes bright with a fever. He noticed the boy was wearing the shirt he’d given him, but it was impossibly bigger on him than it had been before. There was evidence of bandages on the boy, peaking out of the collar of the shirt, he looked down and spotted the ankle in a cast. He noted the one crutch. He noted the way the boy’s legs were shaking. All of it painted a pretty terrible picture.

“Cub, are you alright? What’s going on? What do you need?”

He was asking the questions because he wasn’t sure what to do, what the kid needed. He wasn’t sure where to start, but the boy didn’t look well that much he could see and that was likely most pressing. Alex did seem to be ignoring him, or just unaware, but as soon as the door was closed behind them, whatever was keeping him upright vanished. Wolf moved quickly to prevent Cub from hitting the floor and in doing so felt the unnatural heat emanating through the clothes. 

“Alex?”

There was little response from the boy, but there was little he could do. He scooped the boy up, hating how light he was, and ventured into the house. He headed up the stairs, wondering how Alex had gotten up and down them when he was unwell and clearly injured. The itself house was bare and lifeless to Wolf, there were few pictures on the walls and the colours all seemed muted. He could see dust on practically every surface. But it didn’t take him long to find the boy’s bedroom and could note that this space was a little more lived in. 

As gently as he could he placed the boy down on the bed, moving the laptop out of the way and just stared at him. He didn’t look well at all. But he knew what he needed to do. Take his temperature, give him some medicine, get some food in him, let him sleep, that was what people did for colds. He knew enough about colds and first aid to know what to do there. He loathed to leave the room, but the boy’s breathing, though a little laboured was even. 

Wolf found the bathroom and noted the mess, the vomit in the toilet, the strewn clothes. He cleaned up a little and found a thermometer but found no medicine. He began checking the other rooms of the upstairs, perhaps the bathroom was just not where the medicine was kept. He went in and out of Alex’s room as he did so. Just checking in with the boy. The upstairs painted a very interesting picture to Wolf about Alex’s life, the rooms just seemed frozen in time. Dusty and untouched. 

Since he found nothing upstairs, Wolf knew he’d have to go downstairs but before he did he took a plastic basin and a cool damp face cloth and went back to the boy’s room. He placed the basin down on the ground beside the bed and very gently placed the damp cloth on the boy's forehead. He seemed to relax slightly with it, and Wolf just spent a moment watching the boy. He brushed stray strands of blonde hair from his closed eyes and near startled as the boy went to lean into his touch, however light and brief it was, he hadn’t expected that. He took a moment to check the boy’s temperature and though high he knew that wasn’t worryingly high. 

Knowing the boy still needed food, medicine, and water more than he needed his company he headed downstairs. The kitchen had an odd smell in it, and it didn’t take him long to find the little water vomit on the floor. He scrunched his nose at it, but cleaned it up quickly. He hoped that Alex hadn’t been sick too much. He spotted the kid’s phone on the floor next to the fridge and picked it up. He spotted a few messages from him, and another from a Tom person, who sent a message not unlike the ones he’d been sending. But he didn’t answer - not because he didn’t know the passcode but it wasn’t for him to reply to this message. 

James started looking in the drawers and cupboards in the kitchen, growing more worried and depressed by the minute. He had hoped to find the kid something to eat too, but the cupboards were bare. A few tea bags, stale biscuits. Some very old looking stock, some old looking spices, vinegar. He looked in the fridge and then the freezer, finding mint in the freezer in a bag dated from a few years back and simply nothing in the fridge. 

No wonder the kid had called. No wonder he was so thin. He could reason that this was just like when he went for a mission, emptying everything down but he’d have believed that if the cupboards weren’t entirely bare. 

Wolf thought back to when Cub had agreed to dinner, how pale and tired the boy had seemed, he thought about watching him eat and sighed. He took out his own phone and dialed Snake’s number without thinking. 

“Hey Wolf,”

Came the voice on the other end. Wolf sighed heavily, as he began to walk with the phone to his ear back up to the kid’s bedroom. 

“You there mate?”

“Yeah, sorry, just,”

He went into the boy’s bedroom and pulled the desk chair up beside the bed. 

“Cub..Alex reached out to me, I’m at his house,”

“He’s back?! Is he okay?”

“I think he’s got a cold. Or at least he’s got a fever, not a bad one, but it’s not good either,”

Wolf didn’t think he should go into everything else about what was wrong over the phone. There was silence on the other end, clearly Snake waiting for Wolf to come to whatever question he needed to ask. Though Wolf was sure he could hear the relief in his breathing. 

“But there’s nothing here, there’s no food, no medicine, I don’t really want to leave him alone. He called me for help, if he wakes up and I’m not here…Is he safe to move? If I took him back to mine?”

“You don’t have a car, James, it’ll be awkward to take him on the underground, especially if he’s not aware of what's going on.”

“I can take a taxi. Is it better to leave him without medicine or to travel with him?”

“I’ll send an uber round,”

Snake told him. He would’ve paid for it himself, getting a taxi back to his house. But Snake had more money than he did. He was happy to accept the help. 

“Be outside in like ten minutes,”

Wolf agreed and then hung up. He grabbed the kid’s rucksack and began putting things into it; primarily clothes. They’d come back, but the kid would need more clothes than the pair he currently had. He also grabbed the laptop, its charger, the phone charger and the pain medication. He took the cloth away and the basin. He put them both in the bathroom. He came back to the room, and shook the boy awake lightly.

“Cub, hey, Alex, wake up?”

“Wha…”

“We’re going back to mine,”

“Okay James,”

The boy was leaning heavily on Wolf as he gathered the boy and drew him to his feet. He could feel the boy shaking slightly, shivering and in a snap decision grabbed the blanket placed over the mirror for a reason Wolf didn’t understand, and he wrapped it around Alex. Wolf was taking most of the boy’s weight, but it wasn't too difficult to support him. He did grab the crutch and awkwardly managed to get them out of the house as the driver arrived. 

Wolf knew they’d be back to this house eventually, but he really hoped that time would be the last time. 

\---

The evening and night passed slowly once James had gotten them both to his flat. He’d put the boy in the bed in the spare room, and spent most of the night at his bedside. He’d managed to get some medicine in him, and after a few goes at it, found some food the boy could keep down. By the time the sun was rising, the fever had largely broken and the boy was sleeping soundly. For the first time since Wolf had first seen him at the hospital he looked relaxed, he looked his age.

He’d also found during the night that when Alex got agitated in his sleep sometimes gently brushing a hand in his hair calmed him down, he'd lean into whatever hand was there. Wolf was sure that if the boy had been more aware he might’ve disliked the touch but he would give him the comfort he needed where he could. 

James himself was a mixture of exhausted and so wired he knew he’d never sleep. He also wouldn’t want to sleep in case something happened. But, with Alex sleeping more comfortably, he felt better about leaving the room. He left the door ajar and headed to the kitchen. He’d dumped the kid’s stuff, and his own phone and jacket just haphazardly on the kitchen table when they'd come in. As well as the remnants of the nights dinner and the few attempts at food with Alex that he’d just left on the table not wanting the boy to be alone for long. 

He was half way through cleaning all this up as quietly as he could when there was a soft knocking at the door. He frowned at who it could be, but was less than surprised at who it ended up being. 

“Snake, hey, bit early for you,”

“I was worried,”

He let the other man into his flat and gave a little update on how the kid was fairing.

“Not that I don’t trust your judgement but, I’m just going to check. I won’t wake him up,”

The man hastened to add that last part as James had glared pretty heavily at him. 

“Coffee?”

“If you’re making some I’ll take some,”

Wolf nodded and watched Snake go to the kid’s room, he went back to the kitchen and as quietly as he could made them some coffee. He had the two cups ready when Snake reemerged, he looked pale, and it was then Wolf remembered that he hadn’t told the man about what else was wrong. 

During the night after Alex had vomited up the second attempt at dinner, Wolf had taken the boy into the bathroom to clean him up, he'd ended up changing most of the bandages too. From first seeing him he'd known the boy was injured but the it was extensive. He shuddered as he remembered the extent of his injuries and the extensive pattern of scars which litter the boy’s body too. It had been harrowing to think an adult had likely caused those injuries and other adults had willingly put him in a position to get those injuries. 

Wolf handed Snake the cup of coffee and they sat down at the now mostly cleared kitchen table. 

“So...you didn’t mention the rest of it,”

“It wasn’t important,”

“Kinda is. His body has been under a lot of strain, he’s weak, the fever, the cold, they’re because he’s…”

Snake trailed off and Wolf just took a long drink of the coffee. 

“I know,”

“I’m going to write you up a meal plan for him, and I’ll see if we can’t get him some stronger pain meds. Are the ones in there the only prescribed ones you could find?

“Yeah,”

“They definitely aren't good enough, he needs stronger ones,”

Wolf nodded, just drinking his coffee. He wouldn’t have ever thought of that.

“So, what happened?”

“No idea. I was just about to have dinner when I got a call from him. He didn’t sound well, so I was already out of my seat. He asked for help, and almost said he needed it,”

“Just out the blue?”

“Yeah. Maybe it was the fever or something else, but god, he sounded…..desperate on the phone. Something had to have happened on top of the fever for him to call me like that. But regardless, he shouldn’t have been alone. MI6 shouldn’t have left alone, his house had stairs up to the bedroom. He has a singular crutch, and the bandaging around his shoulder is clearly from dislocating it.”

“Have you heard back from command about the desk job?”

Wolf had in the last week admitted to first Snake and then the rest of his unit about his search for a London based desk job. They had been surprised but seemingly understood the why. 

“Nothing, they said as soon as something came up they would reach out. But if we get sent on rotation again before that happens, Snake, I’m going to just quit,”

“James…..”

“No, Rory, don’t say it. That kid needs me more than this country does, he deserves me more than this country. I’ll miss it, but I’m not going to leave him at their mercy just because the government can’t stop getting involved in unnecessary conflict.”

“What if he says no to..you,”

“I’m still gonna be there for him. Even if he wants to still be alone, I’ll still be around to help him when he needs it.”

“You know I always imagined you’d be the last of us to take a desk job, not the first,”

“Things change,”

They continued to drink in silence and when the cups where empty James went back to tidying up. 

“You mind if I stick around?”

“Not at all Snake,”

\--

Wolf went back to cleaning up. Every so often as the morning wore on, he’d venture into the bedroom, checking on the boy to ensure his fever wasn’t back. When lunch began to approach, he made the reluctant decision that he needed to wake Alex up. Snake had suggested to let him sleep a bit more, but Wolf had reasoned that it would be better to get some food in him. 

Soup was a food that he had managed to stomach the night before, so he assumed it was a safe option for lunch too. He threw a quick soup together and as it cooked, he ventured back into the spare bedroom, leaving strict instructions with Snake to not burn the food. The boy was curled up facing away from him, but the breathing was steady. He bent down to be level with the bed and very gently, being aware of which shoulder this was, shook the boy a little.

He stopped and watched the boy gently stir from his sleep. He shifted in the bed and James kept his crouched position. The boy shifted and turned in the bed, turning his head and his tired brown eyes opened to meet James’ gaze. There was more comprehension and awareness in his eyes now that the fever was fading, but he still seemed confused.

“Afternoon kid,”

He greeted, he watched the kid frown slightly, glancing about the room realising where he was. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Awful,” Alex answered honestly.

“Think you can eat? Just some soup,”

There was a pause as the boy seemed to think about it, before he nodded. When he looked back at Wolf could see the pain somewhat clouding his previously relaxed expression. 

“Want to eat in here, or at the table? Snake is here, but he won’t mind if you remain here. He’d probably suggest it,”

Wolf could read in his expression as he made the decision, he didn’t think it would be wise for the kid to be up and about, but if he wanted to eat at the table he wouldn’t stop him. But the boy motioned to the room vaguely, tiredly.

“In here,”

“Okay kid, just get a bit more rest it’ll be another ten so minutes.”

He watched the kid’s eyes flutter closed and he headed out of the room. He relayed the message to Snake who shrugged with indifference. He wouldn’t mind just sitting around eating alone, since they both knew Wolf was likely to have his lunch with Alex. The boy didn’t need the company but after so many disappearances Wolf didn’t really want to leave the boy out of his sight. 

When the soup was ready he served Snake, before getting the plates for him and Cub. He certainly put a lot in both their plates, just to encourage Cub to eat more. He placed the two bowls on a tray, then he placed two glasses of water, a plate of bread and the boy’s medication and carried it all on the tray into the boy’s room. James was surprised to see the boy was already awake and pulling himself up, with some struggle, into a sitting position. He felt like telling him to stop but the kid had managed it. Just, now, all that was written on his face was pain and Wolf hoped that wouldn’t affect his appetite. 

He placed the tray down on the bedside table and first handed the kid the cold medicine and the glass of water, then the pain medication. There was some relief on the boy’s face but he didn’t say anything. After a moment, when he knew they were both waiting to see if he was sick, Alex leaned over and took one of the soups and a little of the bread. He was leaning against the wall the bed was against, and placed the soup on his lap. The blanket that Wolf had taken from his house was splayed over his legs. Wolf waited until Alex began eating before he grabbed his own soup. The boy’s movements were slow and his hands were shaking slightly, but Wolf didn’t miss, not unlike the night before, even in his fever ridden state, the way he seemed to marvel at the taste. Wolf hated that a kid would be reduced to seeing warm, home cooked meals as a marvel, rather than a given. 

“I let Snake check you over, he thinks the cold was brought on by stress and a weakened immune system.”

To his surprise the boy scoffed and laughed lightly, it wasn’t a particularly nice laugh and there was no smile, but Wolf gave a little confused smile. 

“Why’s that funny?”

“It’s what MI6 used to tell my old school, what I used to tell people. They’d give me these doctor notes, and those would say that the stress of my uncles death caused my immune system to be weak. No one believed the notes and now it’s actually the case,”

Wolf didn’t really see how it was funny, but the kid was actively telling him about something so he wouldn’t turn down the information. 

“You should be okay….well...better tomorrow,”

Wolf was matching Alex’s pace of eating the food. He wasn’t fast in part Wolf knew because his body wouldn’t let him move quicker. It was fine, he was making his way through the soup and they were just in comfortable silence. 

“Why did you grab this blanket? Did you not have your own?”

James looked at the blanket and then met Alex’s gaze, there was something in that question but he couldn’t read it in the boy’s face. 

“It was in arms reach, you were shivering. Should I have left it?”

“No...no..it’s my favourite blanket,”

“But it was covering the mirror…” Wolf pointed out with some confusion. 

“It belonged to my mum,”

Wolf didn’t see how it belonging to Cub’s mother would mean it was over the mirror but he was glad it had been in arms reach. It wasn’t a particularly distinct or unique blanket, it was visibly old and worn, the colours faded, but it was soft and it seemed to provide Alex a bit of comfort. 

“I know you couldn’t have intentionally taken it, but thanks for taking it,”

James nodded, he could see the exhaustion on the boy’s features as he pushed to continue eating, but it was slower and slower and after a few small bites of the bread, the boy wiped his face on a napkin and put the soup down. 

“You done?”

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t finish it,”

“Not a problem Alex, you’ll just see it again for dinner,”

“Yeah?”

“Of course”

Wolf put the bowl back on to the tray and watched as the kid lay back down. 

“You don’t mind if I stay and finish mine?”

“No, you can stay,”

It was the last thing the boy said as he carefully lay himself back down and he went back to sleep. Wolf remained as long as it took him to finish his own soup and left the bedroom. For the first time since he’d gotten there, he could hear the boy softly snoring. That was a good sign. Wolf took the tray back to the kitchen and glanced back to Snake. 

“You should get some sleep, I’ll keep watch on the boy.”

Wolf hesitated, he was pretty tired himself, some sleep, a quick nap would be a good idea. But he hesitated.

“No, no arguing, I’ll tidy up, I’ll let the other guys know that Alex is here and you can sleep. Come on, you aren’t in this alone. We’re your unit, I’m your friend, let us help you so you can help him,”

The scottish man was smiling at him and Wolf just gave a nod.

“If anything happens, wake me up,”

James headed to his bedroom, and left the door a little ajar before he went to his bed and fell asleep fully clothed on top of the sheets. 

He knew that Snake would take care of things while he slept. He was right, he couldn’t expect the kid to rely on him and know it was okay to help if he didn’t let his team help him in all of this. He knew Eagle and Fox were worried too, they would help. 

\--

James woke up a couple of hours later, a little before six in the evening. He rolled out of bed and stayed for a moment just sat on the bed. He could hear nothing in the flat and felt his heart rate pick up thinking that once again the kid had walked out on him. Snake was about but perhaps he’d turned away for a moment. But as he sat thinking this he heard the soft snoring from the other room, and knowing that Snake didn’t at all snore, he knew it had to be Alex. 

Reassured, Wolf allowed himself a moment to just take in the last day. Where not unlike the first time Cub had reached out everything had shifted it on its head. He let his mind at least remind himself that the boy was safe. He was safe. Not out of the woods likely for a while, but safe. He wouldn’t let anything else happen to him. He would feed him all of the soup in the world if he had to. 

James got to his feet and made his way into the kitchen. He wanted to go check on him, but the boy was clearly tired if he was still sleeping, so it would be wrong to possibly disturb that. On the sofa was Snake, the kitchen was tidy and the man was reading one of the old books from Wolf’s shelf. 

“Hey man,”

Wolf greeted startling his friend and grinning slightly. Snake closed the book over and without any prompting just went to the kitchen to clearly make some coffee. 

“Any bother?”

“None, he woke up once to use the bathroom, I helped him in and then back to bed, he went straight back to sleep. I’m not sure he even realised it was me,”

“His fever back?”

“No, just probably tired,”

“Should he be so tired?”

“He is really badly injured, suffering from a mild cold, severely malnutritioned and likely still dealing with the same of the mental health problems as before, yeah, he’s probably exhausted,”

James could see why so much of that would make someone tired, but he’d wanted to be sure. 

“Fair enough,”

They sat in silence for a moment, just drinking the freshly made coffee. 

“I’ll start on dinner, I’ll make soup for him and something a little more substantial for us, if you’re staying,”

“Sure, I’m going to jump out for a bit, get some better pain meds for the kid,”

“Okay,”

Wolf took another sip of his coffee. Not too long after Snake headed out and Wolf was left to start making dinner. He checked his phone between getting things ready, noting that the guys in the group chat were already coming up with more of a rota to support him and Cub. To his dismay they all intended to be there at once in the next few days. Before all of this he would’ve minded this greatly, since Cub he wouldn’t mind, but he knew things with the kid were tentative and the last thing he wanted was to overwhelm him, but perhaps he wasn’t giving him enough credit. 

In getting the meal ready, James had grown a bit tired of the silence, and turned the radio on, making sure it was a low volume and let the low tunes orchestrate his every move in the kitchen. He perhaps got a little carried away with himself and turned in a moment to put things on the table, when he noticed a weary looking Cub, wrapped in the blanket leaning heavily against the door frame. He stopped himself from dropping all he was carrying.

While it was good to see him up and about, Wolf was immediately frowning at him not having called for help.

“Don’t let me stop you dancing.”

And then there was a little smile upon the kid’s face, and all of Wolf’s frowning faded immediately. It certainly didn’t reach the boy’s eyes but it was real, a genuine smile. And perhaps the boy shouldn’t be up and about but it was good to see him smile. 

“Sit down, you’re about to collapse,”

Wolf chastised with a less than firm tone than he would’ve used normally. He walked over and helped Alex into a seat. He was clearly capable of moving, but it wasn’t good for him to be doing so. He pulled another chair round, and got the boy to prop his broken ankle upon it. 

“How are you feeling?”

He asked, finally moving away and back to the kitchen. He didn’t want to crowd the boy too much as he asked it. But he kept an eye on him, waiting for his reply. While Alex looked rested, he still seemed tired, there were pain lines evident on his face. 

“I’ve been better,”

Wolf rolled his eyes dramatically at that. 

“I certainly hope so,” 

He was pleased that this amused the boy lightly, and after checking that the meal would be fine if he stepped away he did so. 

“You want some juice?”

“Got any orange juice?”

Wolf nodded, grabbing the juice from the fridge as well as a glass and brought them over to Alex. He handed them both to him and watched as with some trouble the kid managed to open the bottle and poured himself a glass. 

James couldn’t help but smile slightly watching the kid take a drink and seemingly just take a moment to visibly enjoy the flavour. Letting himself just enjoy despite how simple it was, the simple taste of orange juice. 

“How's your pain level?”

Wolf sat down in the seat in front of Alex. 

“Where’s Snake?”

“He’s out getting you stronger pain meds, he thinks the ones you have are too weak, so I’ll ask again, how's your pain?”

Confusion crossed the boy’s face, almost like surprise at someone getting something for him, or perhaps the better pain meds and then it all crumbled, Wolf caught a glimpse of Alex’s pain filled face and realised how good the kid was at hiding. He wondered how often people just hadn’t pushed him. 

“It’s really bad, the doctor who treated me..he said the pain meds weren't high enough but it was all he was allowed to give me. He said it would be bad, but…” Came Alex’s quiet reply.

Wolf tried to not look too angry as sorrow filled the boy's tone, as his voice cracked as emotions and pain washed over him. He watched the boy lower the glass to the table and just keep his hands tightly gripped around it.

“...but it’s really bad. Everything hurts so bad,”

Wolf nodded and reached out to lightly touch the boy’s wrist. Alex looked at him as he did so, Wolf lightly squeezed and then smiled.

“Thanks for telling me, hopefully what Snake brings you will help, but if the pain gets worse or those pain meds don’t help, tell me and I’ll take you back to the hospital, okay?”

“Okay,”

Wolf let his hand remain there for a moment before he got up and went back to the kitchen. He turned the radio up a bit louder and went back to cooking. 

“Is Snake going to be here for dinner?”

“Yeah, you don’t mind, do you?”

“...No..it’s okay,”

“But?”

The boy seemed to go a little red as Wolf picked up that he was perhaps picking up something in his tone. 

“Can we not talk about what happened? Or about my situation?”

“Of course, we’ll wait till we’re alone before we do that and wait until you feel a little better,”

This earned a small thankful almost smile from the boy and Wolf just went back to cooking. Just as he was putting things on the table, the door opened and Snake, with a prescription bag walked in. He greeted Wolf with a smile and then noted Alex. 

“Cub! Look at you, up and about,”

It looked as though Cub was about to stand up before he was waved off by the scottish man. Wolf brought the last of the food to the table and looked at Snake. 

“You showed up just in time,”

“This took a bit longer to get than intended,”

“Are they for me?” Alex asked pointing at the bag Snake was holding.

“Yeah, should be stronger than what you're on. Take one after dinner,”

There would be time after dinner to familiarise himself with how many and when Alex was supposed to take them. 

“Right, Alex, you’ve got some soup and some bread, like lunch. I’m sorry it can’t be more, but…”

“My stomach is still off,”

The boy finished but he didn’t look put off by it and was already raising his plate to get served. Needing no prompting James filled the plate with soup and gave the boy some bread. 

“What should I call you? I only know you as Snake,”

“Rory,”

Wolf was putting food in Snake’s plate and then his own as Snake extended a hand to the kid like Wolf had done before. 

“Alex,”

“Right, lets eat,”

The three ate quietly, a small dotting of conversation but mostly all were just focused on their individual meals. Especially Alex, who much to Wolf’s joy got a second helping of soup. It was maybe less fun as the first time he’d sat with Alex for dinner, but it was nice, everything was kept easy, conversation was kept light. By the time everyone had finished, Alex seemed half asleep. He made sure he took his medicine, before helping him back to bed. 

“I’m just going to change your bandages, okay?”

“Hmmhmm,”

Wolf did so, with Cub leaning heavily against him. But it didn’t matter. He pushed down his frustration at seeing the boy’s battered, and thin frame again, knowing now how much pain it was causing him. He accidentally touched one part which caused the boy to wince in pain, becoming a little more alert.

“I’m sorry kid, go back to sleep,”

He finished up, put a new t-shirt on him and then tucked him in. Affording himself a little physical affection as he brushed the hair from the boy’s face. 

“Night Alex,”

Wolf left the room and helped Snake finish cleaning up. 

“You’ll have seen the messages in the chat right?”

“Yeah” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,”

Wolf walked his friend to the door. 

“I’m glad the kid’s home,”

Snake said before he turned and left. Wolf didn’t have the heart to correct him, because he too was just glad the kid was home and safe. At what point in the day this had become the kid’s home in his mind he couldn’t say, but nothing had felt more right in his mind. 

Really Wolf was glad the kid was home too.


	10. Continuing to Interrupt

The next few days passed slowly, Alex spent most of them either asleep or just laying in bed resting. His energy levels remained lower than he wanted, but by Snake’s assurances this was normal..to be expected. It just didn’t help him feel good about spending all of his time in bed. It was interrupted by meals, most of them spent with Wolf and Snake at the kitchen table. It occurred to him on the second dinner, when he was given a minestrone soup that these meals were the first time he’d eaten with people in such a manner in years besides the one with Wolf before the mission - meals broken with people in a mission didn’t count. 

However he was getting better, the cold was gone and the new medicine that Snake had gotten him helped greatly at pushing the pain back to a much more manageable level, but it meant his nightmares were back. He’d always found that in the days or sometimes weeks after a mission they would be at their worst, but he’d not shared a space with anyone else during them in years. Two or three times in a day or night Alex would wake up screaming, Wolf...James would rush in and calm him down. Sometimes Alex was a little sick and other times he just trembled. He knew that while he spent most of his time asleep and able to recover from them, Wolf wasn’t. He felt bad for causing such disruption in Wolf’s life. Wolf hadn’t signed up for that. 

Alex woke up on the fourth morning of his stay at Wolf’s noting that he’d had one nightmare during that night. Just the one. He turned over in his bed...no, the spare bed...and glanced at the time. It was near ten in the morning. He groaned slightly, as the pain made itself known to him. It was getting better. Slowly edging away but still present. He took the medicine quickly, and just waited a few minutes before pushing himself up and heading out of the room. Usually he waited for Wolf to come in and coax him out of the room, but he was feeling a little better now, he had to begin moving around more eventually. Alex knew he had to start doing more independently, he didn’t think he’d be able to stay with Wolf that much longer since he was getting better, so it was good to start moving around. He could ask to stay a bit longer till he figured out how he was going to survive, but he wasn’t sure he’d know how to say that. Alex could admit that he liked staying with James, it was nice to not have to worry about every meal. It was nice to just have orange juice. But, he couldn’t burden the man with him much more. He’d done way too much already. Especially since he knew eventually he’d be back on another mission.

Alex left the blanket that he usually wrapped around himself and just put on one of the jumpers that Wolf had brought. He walked slowly, his movement with the broken ankle still poor. But he’d left the crutch in the kitchen yesterday and it hadn’t magically found its way back to the room. He wondered if perhaps Wolf wasn’t up yet, if he wasn’t, maybe he could just grab some coffee and forgo breakfast. He didn’t want to, the steady consistent meals were one of the best things about staying with Wolf, but when he headed back to Chelsea there wouldn’t be the constant food, so he needed to get himself used to fewer meals. He limped his way into the kitchen he was graced with a slightly different sight than he was used to. 

“Cub! Where’s the crutch?”

Snake exclaimed, he’d been in the kitchen, clearly putting together some breakfast when he’d spotted the teen, and there were two other men, Eagle and Fox sat at the table. Time had passed but he’d seen their pictures in this flat enough to know which was which, and really, Alex knew he’d never forget Ben’s face. But he motioned to the side of the room where the crutch was and watched with almost fondness for the scottish man as he cursed lightly, and told him sternly to sit down. 

“I was wondering when I’d see you again!”

Eagle’s tone was excitable, he seemed actually really pleased to see him. It was odd, not something he was used to. People usually weren’t pleased to see him. 

“You’ve been hiding out in your room every time I’ve been on duty,”

“On duty?”

Snake was cursing at Eagle, telling him to keep it down and clearly not say anything but it was clear Eagle wasn’t going to accept that. 

“Yeah, we mind the flat and keep watch while you and Wolf sleep during the day,”

Admittedly Alex had heard other voices in the house every so often, but he hadn’t figured it was them. It had always been quiet and they were always gone when he got out of the room for dinner. He didn’t realise that Wolf was bringing them in to keep watch while he slept. He didn’t know how to feel about that, on one hand it was nice to know he was protected but on the other he felt awful at the fact Wolf was bringing others in to keep watch because he was ruining his sleep, that was his fault. Maybe it was definitely time to leave. 

“Don’t do that Alex,”

“Do what Ben?” Alex replied perhaps a little sharply.

“Blame yourself for James’ choice. He wants this, he knows that it’ll take time, he doesn’t mind. But we’re still a unit, so our job is to help him. We help him, he helps you,”

Alex looked at Ben, of the men he certainly trusted him the least, but he tried to take on what the man was saying. He didn’t notice as Snake placed a glass and carton of orange juice in front of him. He just kept his gaze on Ben, trying to find what he needed in his expression. 

“Cub…?Kid….?..Alex?”

Alex finally glanced at Snake when he heard his name, having gotten a little lost in his own mind. 

“Yeah?”

His voice cracked slightly and he just shook his head and repeated himself. 

“Breakfast? What do you want, I’m making some eggs and stuff for the lads, but I know Wolf’s been giving you porridge,”

Alex shook his head. 

“No it’s okay, I’m not hungry,”

“Alex…..”

Alex glanced away, just busied himself with getting the orange juice. He was taking Wolf’s sleep, eating and drinking him out of house and home. He couldn’t keep this up. He was surely having to head home soon anyway, he needed to stop indulging. 

“Alex,”

There was suddenly Snake bent down right in front of him. Alex tried to avoid looking at him, but it was a little trickier to do. 

“Please look at me,”

Alex did so, trying his best to hold Rory's gaze. All he could see in Rory’s expression was a kindness, a protectiveness, there was no pity and no frustration with him, no annoyance because he was being difficult.

“Are you feeling nauseous?”

He couldn’t answer, just shook his head. 

“Okay, are you actually not hungry?”

He was hungry, his stomach rumbled loudly at the question. 

“Okay, well, I know you probably won’t want to, but Alex, you need to be eating, okay, to make sure that you heal up. So what will it be?”

Alex just nodded, he didn’t want to look at anyone and muttered quietly that he wanted some porridge. He looked back at the other men after a moment, sipping the orange juice as they lightly discussed whatever game had last been on as if that exchange hadn’t just happened.

“Do you like football Cub?”

Alex looked towards Eagle and nodded. 

“Used to support Chelsea, but kind of fell out of the loop,”

“Ugh, Chelsea,”

He couldn’t help the little smile on his features at Eagle’s reaction. But this started a light conversation about the different teams in the English premier league, one he was happy to nod along to. A bowl of porridge was eventually placed in front of him, and he began to eat. It all felt so normal, to sit with people and talk about football over breakfast. He’d done that with Ian when the man had been around, never often but enough that Alex really hoped that Wolf wouldn’t make him ever leave with how nice and familial it felt. 

“Fucking hell Eagle, did your primary teachers never teach you to use your inside voice,”

Alex looked at Wolf who was standing in the doorway, lightly glaring at Eagle who shook his head and barely stopped in whatever story he was telling them. Alex gave the man a little smile, glad that he didn’t bring up that he was at the table with them. 

“Alex, you mind if I take this leftover porridge,”

Alex just shook his head, he tended to not take seconds of porridge so happy to share, it was James’ porridge after all. He just continued to eat his meal slowly as he watched the still clearly sleepy James take a bowl of the porridge, grab coffee and make his way to the table, engaging easily with the conversation that was ongoing. He sat down next to Alex and Alex looked at him and gave another very small smile, which was returned by the man. He tried to not lean in too much as the man placed a hand on his shoulder. The grip was soft, friendly and only for a moment, Alex had slowly become more used to. Wolf was more tactile than he’d have thought.

“How’re you feeling today?”

Alex nodded jerkily. 

“Better than yesterday.”

“No extra or worsening pain?”

“None,”

“Good, good.”

And nothing more about it was said, the conversation had carried on without them, and Alex watched James reengage with them. It was easy for him to just eat his food and watch these men around him, he knew he’d likely never have this for himself, but he was glad to have it currently. They never once pushed him for answers, they never once even brought up his injuries, he knew Wolf wanted to know. But it wasn’t vital and they just all seemed to go along with it. For once since he’d gotten there, Cub decided that instead of going straight back to sleep he’d just stay up.

Let himself watch and enjoy the company of a unit that had once hated him, that had once made his life hell. He knew things were always subject to change, but that hadn’t been the sort he’d ever expected. But it was nice...all of this was just nice.

Importantly, the subject of if he would leave never came up.

\---

More days passed with both he and Wolf taking little naps after lunch to help their still low sleep. Alex was kept entertained most of the day by Eagle, Charlie, who had no shortage of stories to tell, whether it was about his childhood, the unit or just something funny he’d seen. He learnt more about the man and the unit as a whole in that time than he had in all of the time he’d known them. It wasn’t hard given that he was only getting to know Wolf now, and the other occasions he’d met them hadn’t allowed for getting to know each other. Ben had surprised him by keeping his distance, engaging occasionally but never forcing anything. He did at one point when they were the only two in the living room, apologise for what had happened, saying he’d meant to keep in touch but Alex stopped him. It was in the past. 

Alex would’ve thought it eventually would get boring or that the men would grow bored of him but it didn’t and they didn’t. The conversations were always easy, there was always a piece of food not far, there were endless cups of coffee. Even a game of scrabble which had ended in disaster when Eagle had tried to use a word that no one else could prove existed though he swore down it did. It was normal - or as normal as four SAS guys and a badly injured teen in a flat together could be. He didn’t mind the company though, and he found himself smiling more. Just little snippets of smiles of course, but they were more frequent and less forced. He felt like there was a huge elephant in the room, of him, why he was there and when he would go, but no one else seemed to note it. 

Alex had begun helping Wolf in the kitchen as he felt better. James tried to make him do small tasks sitting at the table and not at the counter, but Alex was often helping out next to him at the counter, never for long periods but it was easier to help and do things at the counter than at the table. Alex had always enjoyed cooking and it was nice to do it properly, and with Wolf it was even better. They were just able to fall into step in getting things ready, light conversation about food exchanged and not much else. Wolf never indicated that it was frustrating to have him there, and seemed to enjoy the company. Alex was always rather eager to eat what they made too. They’d stuck to lighter, soup related or adjacent meals for him, but today they were making something a little heavier and as the smells filled the kitchen he couldn’t help but deeply want to eat it. 

“I’m really looking forward to eating this,”

Alex surprised himself by saying. He hadn’t meant to, but the words had slipped out in his feeling of warmth and comfort that the room and company provided him. 

“Yeah, been a while since you had a solid meal like this?”

Alex looked at James, knowing that the question wasn’t just talking specifically about this meal but wider about Alex’s meal habits. 

“Yeah, it’s difficult to find the motivation to cook for one and ehh, well, expensive,”

He admitted with a shrug. He was surprised as James put his arm around him. He felt all too aware of exactly where his arm was, all too aware of how tense it made him. But he knew Wolf wasn’t going to hurt him. Instead he felt the man tighten his grip lightly and give a little smile. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. He knew that Wolf wanted to ask about it, he knew that there was plenty he wanted to ask. Their patience was good though a little unnerving. 

But, even then there was no mention of it, they just continued what they were doing and ate dinner together. Alex had marveled and groaned in pleasure at every bite, the others too polite to tell him to stop but there was a fondness in the men’s expression whether it was directed at him or each other was not something Alex cared to think about. As the other men wound down and the conversation continued over fruit and coffee, Alex who felt truly full and warm from the food decided to go to bed. All of the men wished him good night and Alex headed to the bedroom. 

The last few days had been a welcome escape from his reality, a chance for him to relax and heal from the mission and really the last few months of his life. He took a seat on the bed, leaning against the wall the bed was against and glancing over the room. It wasn’t his bedroom but it felt more home-like than his had in a long while. The old Chelsea house was home but Alex knew it was also a place marred with bad memories, a tie to MI6 and stifling loneliness. Alex had his laptop at the foot of the bed, but he hadn’t opened it once, and all it would do was remind him of what awaited him, of the zero money and the date MI6 had given him. He knew he should open it and start figuring out what he was going to do next but today had been a nice day but it would be brought down by him having to face life after all this. 

But with his mind on it, the crushing feeling of what he was going to do when he eventually had to leave rolled back no matter how much he tried to push it away. He didn't want it to ruin such a nice evening but it just seemed to wash over him. The worry and panic on what he was going to do once he left Wolf’s. He felt tears well, he felt panic edge back in. This was all nice and good but this wasn’t his life. He couldn’t continue to interrupt these mens’ lives like he was. 

“Wow, Alex? What’s going on,”

Alex hadn’t heard James come into the room. He couldn’t find the words to say, how to answer just shook his head, half shrugged and just weakly said.

“I’m fine,”

“You’re not kid and that’s okay.”

He left the room, and Alex felt dismayed, he wanted the man to stick around. He didn’t know why he found the company comforting but he did. He would swear down that didn’t need it, he would need to be without soon, but he wanted it. After a few minutes were the panic mounted and his emotions built, half then thinking about leaving the next day, Wolf walked back in. He had a tray with two cups of coffee and a share bag of chocolate buttons. He placed the tray down on the bedside table and sat down next to Alex on the bed. 

“I sent the others home,”

“Y...you.ddd.didn’t..have to,”

It came out in short bursts and Wolf shook his head. He placed his hand on Alex’s chest carefully and took Alex’s hand and placed it on his own. 

“Just copy my breathing, just in and out,”

It took a few minutes but Alex’s panic slowly subsided and he could feel himself relaxing slightly. Eventually, without saying anything Wolf took the cup of coffee and passed one to Alex, which Alex took keenly. He watched the man then open the bag of chocolate and offer one to him. 

“Technically this bag is Eagle’s but he won’t mind,”

Alex took one, if only for something to do. Wolf seemed to do the same, or Alex thought that was what he was doing. They sat in silence sipping the tea. 

“What happened Alex? You were fine over dinner.. Was it the guys? Should I ask them to limit coming round?”

Alex shook his head quickly. 

“No...don’t, it’s nice, I just…”

He paused, thinking of how to phrase it. He didn’t really want to talk about it, but Wolf was being so patient with him he felt he owed a little to him. 

“I….ehhh..MI6 looks after me. They pay for the house and utilities, they give me an allowance..they usually give me an allowance…”

Alex was speaking slowly, He was looking straight ahead, and not at Wolf though he could sense that the man was looking at him. He took a little sip of the coffee before he placed it down, out of his hands. Knowing what he was about to say would cause his hands to shake and he didn’t want to get coffee on the sheets.

“They didn’t give me anything this month, they’ve decided to stop giving me anything….,”

He could sense Wolf tensing next to him. He felt the man shift closer to him and was a little surprised when an arm found its way around his shoulders. He leaned into it slightly but didn’t look at the man. He was just pleased for the physical contact. 

“What about the money from Tesco? That guy paid you right?”

Alex couldn’t hold it back any more, he sobbed lightly and curled up into himself on the bed, hiding his face in his hands and resting it against his knees as he cried. All of the emotions from the last few days, all of his worries pouring out of him. He could tell by the way Wolf changed his grip that he was a little surprised by the reaction. He heard the man’s coffee be put down and the crinkle of the chocolate bag being moved away and soon, curled up as he was, he was being hugged, his body in Wolf’s arms, a hand was rubbing his back in a comforting manner. Alex felt his body shake under the touch but he didn’t tense or pull away. 

“What happened?”

He heard Wolf say.

“They took it all. MI6 took it.” 

“Why would they do that?”

“Because I delayed the mission,”

“How do they figure you did that?”

“Because I walked out in front of a taxi,”

The questions had been quiet, Alex had barely managed to get the words out, but he told Wolf. His tears renewed in earnest at the last statement and he felt Wolf’s grip tighten on him. 

“I don’t know...I don’t know what I’m going to do….James I have no money and with missions, there’s never time to make much money…..,”

The boy spoke near incoherently, just repeating the same phrases over and over as Wolf calmed him down, rubbing his back and just speaking softly. Eventually Alex was able to get more of a hold on himself. The tears were still in his eyes, slowly falling and his body trembled, but he had stopped sobbing. He leaned more into Wolf and let the man hug him close. 

“You don’t need to worry about that anymore Alex, you can stay here for as long as you want or need to. My door will always be open to you, my food is your food. I was hoping to wait until you were a little better, but, I’m going to help you get out from under MI6 okay. That mission you took will be your last if I have anything to say about it.”

Alex didn’t look at the man but just nodded. Letting himself just for a moment try to really believe the words, knowing that MI6 had already given him a date to next be in and he knew MI6 weren’t going to just let him not do it. He didn’t want to tell Wolf that it was pointless, that he would never be able to. After a few moments he felt Wolf pull away, and he looked up at the man, pleased that his tears had stopped. 

“I have something for you,”

Alex frowned in confusion but watched Wolf disentangle himself and leave the room. Returning shortly with a suspicious looking box and his old phone sitting on top of it. He didn’t say anything, just returned to sit on the bed and faced the boy. 

“I found your phone on your kitchen floor. Someone called Tom has been sending you messages.”

Alex took the phone, looking at the message through the cracked screen. 

“When you vanished, I kept trying to call, and I just worried that maybe you didn’t have the minutes or the phone was more damaged and you couldn’t answer, so I got you a new phone…”

Alex was staring as Wolf presented the box with the new phone. It wasn’t the newest model but a far cry newer than his current phone. This was a phone that MI6 wouldn’t have the number to either. Hopefully. But he looked up at James and shook his head..

“I can’t accept this...it’s too much money….,”

“You can Alex, look at your phone. Let me give this new one to you, it’s already got a contract and everything. I just…..you deserve something new,”

Alex didn’t want to believe it, but he opened the box and marvelled at the item inside. It was shiny, and new and uncracked. 

“There's something else,”

Alex shook his head at Wolf because there couldn’t possibly be. 

“It’s not a thing really. But, when you feel up to it, we’re going to go open you a new current account at the same bank as I use,”

“But I have one,”

Alex countered, he couldn’t help but think that having one, one that wasn’t by MI6 would be good. It would be his own outright. It would help him actually be a little more independent from it. 

“This one, won’t be one they can access, hopefully. I can give you money so you can open it, but the account will be all yours,”

Alex felt embarrassed that the kindness Wolf was showing him was making him once again want to break down in tears. He picked at the blanket on the bed. He should reject the kindness, leave Wolf’s life, he was just inconvenciening him, costing him so much money, but Alex just nodded. 

“Okay,”

“It doesn’t need to be immediately, just when you feel ready for it.”

“Okay,”

Alex yawned slightly and he noticed Wolf smiling slightly. He helped move the things off the bed. Alex knew he’d have time tomorrow and the next day too get to grips with his new phone. He watched as Wolf made to leave as Alex lay down in the bed. He hated himself for it, knowing that he was taking sleep away from Wolf.

“James….can...can you?”

He couldn’t say it, but the man just nodded.

“Sure kid, I’ll be right back,”

Which he was. And Alex was able to fall asleep as Wolf just sat next to him. After all of the emotional outpouring of the evening and overall of the day, he just wanted a bit of company and comfort as he fell asleep. A little reassurance that he wasn’t alone in this. Even if he knew he’d eventually be alone again. 

“Wolf?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you send me that picture again, of us?”

The boy asked sleepily, allowing himself this moment. If he was to leave again, if he was to be dragged back to MI6, he’d want something to hold on to from this. 

“Sure, son, I’ve already got the new number saved in my phone, I’ll send it to you now,”

Alex was mostly asleep before he heard the answer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks!


End file.
